how do you deal with people who impose themselves on you?

You need to establish some boundaries. First you need to enlist the help of your mom. Let her know you do not want to do this anymore. I know the other mom wants healthy friends for her daughter and is in a way looking for a babysitter.

It is a tough place to be in. Be honest with your mom and say you won't be doing this anymore. You are uncomfortable and don't like it. She may want you to help and feel embarassed herself to tell her friend you aren't' available but either this happens now or sometime in the future when you blow up at everyone and there is a huge scene. Your mom needs to know it is a clear no from you.

You have done your best but this girls problems can not be yours. Take care and I wish you the best.

If you don't know what is wrong with her, then doctors probably don't either, and they're probably not even giving her the right medication, so it's probably smart not to take it. Also if she is drinking she should not be taking medication. And she's right, a lot of medication does make people gain weight. And she may also be right that there is nothing "wrong" with her, she may just be a little different.

People get into car accidents all the time. I really think you're blowing that fear out of proportion a bit. I don't know anyone over the age of 18 who has never been in a near-collision and most people actually have had accidents. You could always insist on driving if you really want to....but you know, you could get into an accident too. That's why they're called "accidents"...no one does it on purpose.

I think you should be her friend. It sounds like she really needs one. Just try to get her to do fun stuff where you can't drink, like movies, malls, beaches, anywhere you're not allowed to walk around with a drink, if you're really worried about that.

She'll probably get sick of you eventually. You don't sound like you're her type of person, in the first place. Just suck it up and tough it out for a while until she finds her own path.

How old are you two? And how much help will your mother be?

I think you (or you and your mom) need to talk to the other girl's mother. Pick an amount of time you can spend, and settle on it (like, we can hang together every second Saturday afternoon from one to four) --and/or tell the mother you don't want to spend -any- time with the girl alone, without her mother along.

Tell the mother that you don't want to be in a car while she's driving, because it isn't safe, and that she drinks. That you will participate in family visits, where you're all doing something together, or you and the girl are talking in one room while the mothers talk in another, but you won't go places with her alone. Also, tell the mother that the girl's not taking her meds.

Our society hasn't quite caught up with the fact that a person who needs meds for a mental problem is often incompetent to decide for herself whether of not to take them. No matter how old the person is, she needs family to push hard on the issue.

(By the way, making excuses is a terrible habit. People will always argue. If you get in the habit of telling the truth, you will be embarrassed sometimes, but it's 'way simpler in the long run.)

That`s a tougher chook, but it isn`t your responsibility to take her off her mums hands if that`s the case.You have your own mind and it probably might do you better if you explain this awkwardness to your mum/dad so you have a back up when you let her know that the time together as youngers isn`t the same and you both just don`t have as much in common anymore,your mum and dad will and should back you up,It`s definitely going to be uncomfortable for you even for a couple of months but that`s better than years of punishing yourself just to be a semi Friend.Only and you`ll feel this in your heart if she`s a true and loving Friend would you stay to help.Otherwise she`s a rock tied around your ankles in a rip.She may also have bi-polar which does need serious attention.Please read up on it and you`ll find it`s not all that rare and can change your best Friend into a nightmare even when they don`t want to be.Everyone has demons and problems it`s just a good plan to find Friends to hang with that care.We are all wired differently,we need to understand or move on.Take care groovette

The reason these people continue imposing on you is because you let them.

If you tell them you have other plans and the mother tries to tempt you with a better offer, thank her but decline the offer.

It's obvious that the mother wants her daughter to be around you because you're well-balanced, and this is actually a good intention for her to have. But you're right in that you're sort of functioning as a babysitter, since the girl doesn't really interact with you that much.

However, since the mother is a close family friend, her friendship with your mother has to be considered. My suggestion is to OCCASIONALLY spend time with the girl -- but let it be known that she has to remain sober when you're together. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and I was alarmed when you mentioned that the girl is a recovering addict yet is still getting drunk -- drinking booze is NOT helping her in her drug addiction recovery. If the mother is not aware that her daughter is drinking, there is no need at first to tell her -- you could talk to the girl privately and let her know you won't tolerate the drinking. If she agrees, and you start socializing again occasionally, and then she breaks the agreement, you would then be within your rights to refuse to spend more time with her -- and to tell the mother your reasons for no longer being willing to be around the girl.

And by the way, you should enlist your mother's help in this, or at least apprise her of your new course in dealing with the girl.

Personally, I think her mum is hoping you will pick up the responsibility. That is why she is so agreeable. I know it is a hard road for the mother but she can't give responsibility for her daughter to anyone. The girl actually needs more professional help. You can't possibly meet her needs and you should never be expected to do so. Her lifestyle could put you in danger yourself. I would be more than just cautious about this relationship. I would back off completely. There is more to this than you realise and even if it causes some falling out with the relationships you have to take that loss. Your well-being and future is just as important as hers. If her mother continues to fob her daughter off this girl will never recover. Other alternatives need to be found. You are not the answer. I think her mother is afraid of her and her potential to be out of control. She probably manipulates her mum. You would be surprised what habits drug addicted people pick up. Even some of her so called symptoms could be learned, manipulative behaviour. Wisdom needs to be used here. She will recover. She just needs to let go of her destructive behaviour and her issues, get the right treatment and she will achieve much in this life. Her journey out of this is not your journey. To some degree her mum and her need to work through their issues for full recovery to take place.

sounds like you are growing away from each other. you cant help her by enabling her impulsive side. All you can do is say you and i have different lifestyles and you are way too impulsive for me and it scares me because i know what drugs and alcohol can do to a person with your predisposition .

you may be a user to so this will seem hypoctical but here it is you just have to say "I dont want be your enabler" if you want my friendship you are going to have to calm down and be normal. we cant keep going off half ****** all the time and i'm frankly sick of putting you to bed after you pass out.

I hope you dont feel betrayed , you will always be welcome but i need more stabilty in my life and if you cant cope with that then you need to find some friends who are more your speed.

The close family friend wishes their daughter was like you and they're hoping that by your being around her you can influence her to keep straight. That's all there is to it. Sometimes we can be there for someone who is working thru their problems, and sometimes it's too much for us. If it's too much for you then state that to your parents and be sure to state the reason why (that you feel like a babysitter). If you are to babysit then "gently" ask your parents to supply the money for that and you'd gladly do it an never tell the girl that you're receiving money for her rehabilitation..

Her mom just wants some decent responsible friends for her daughter. How about doing things in her area so that she meets new people and develops her own set of friends? Once she has some alternatives she won't be so reliant on you.

Tell her to hang out with Britney Spears or Lindsey Lohan!