NO CLUE WHICH TO CHOOSE: Spend 25th bday in SAN FRANCISCO? or go to best friends baby shower on my bday???????

Go to the baby shower. She is suppose to be your best friend and having a baby is a huge life change and her best friend should be there. Yes you only turn 25 once..but it isn't a huge deal..celebrate your birthday the next weekend and spend this special time with your friend. I'd be happy to share that special day with my friend.

I could see that you care about your friend and don't want to upset her that is why you're torn between her baby shower and your romantic get away. It's obvious though that you prefer the romantic get away over the baby shower. I suggest you give her a gift that you have thoughtfully chosen and apologize that you won't be able to make it to the baby shower because you already have something planned with your husband on that particular date. She might feel a little bad but it's ok, there were will a lot of people in her party that she won't have the time to worry or feel bad about not being there. Anyway, if she's a genuine friend, she'd understand.

I think you should go to the baby shower. You're 25, not 10; you're not a little kid anymore. When you're an adult, your birthday is no longer sacrosanct. A lot of people work on their birthday and they don't feel like an injustice has been committed against them.

Anyway, it's kind of fishy that she didn't remember your birthday. It almost reeks of a surprise b-day party.

Go to SF with your husband. Trust me. You may be doing the baby thing yourself one of these days and those memories of romantic getaways will feel mighty nice.

Give your friend her present as early as possible. Make sure it’s a really, really good present – something sweet for the baby (I recommend a copy of Good Night Moon and a gift certificate to Babies R US for say, $25-$30) And, since you are reneging on a promise to attend her party, also give her an even nicer gift for herself – like a half-day trip to a pampering day-spa to get a massage and her nails done etc. Tell her regretfully that the invitation to her party arrived after you had already made plans and hotel reservations for a romantic get-away with your husband for your birthday. And when you re-checked your calendar, you saw that there was a huge conflict. You already have hotel reservations in SF that are non-refundable.

If she can’t handle that, then that’s too bad. Either she gets over it or she won’t.

Regardless of culture, sending out invitations at the last minute to something like a baby shower – is not a good idea – not cool at all.

One thing – At 15, it’s OK to be vague and wide-open about your weekend plans. BUT at 25, you’re an adult now. You’d be wise to be more careful about leaving things so wide open – especially concerning birthdays and holidays. If you have the reputation for being blasé about your plans, people will naturally assume you are available and will expect you to drop everything for them.

You're not self-centered. A good friend, especially a female friend, shouldn't forget your birthday. I'm wondering why she picked the day anyway, unless her mother pushed her into picking that day. (Gotta love pushy mothers.) I say give her the gift early, visit for a few minutes, tell her you're sorry you can't come to the party but the reservations were already made when you found out, and then go celebrate your birthday.

What will happen at the shower is that she will be preoccupied with guests and opening gifts. She will hardly get to say hello to you. You'll be meeting a bunch of people you won't see ever again. You'll be bored out of your mind. You'll leave there angry and upset, wishing you did go to San Francisco.

Edited: I like the idea to take her out to dinner later on to further celebrate that she is pregnant. I don't agree that you can just celebrate your birthday afterward. A 25th birthday only comes around once. This shower sounds like it is more of a family event than a friends and family event anyway.

Can you go to her shower and then do something special with your husband closer to home? For one thing you'll probably have many more birthdays than she'll have babies, and for another it would be a caring thing to do for a good friend. You can always leave a little early, saying that you're sorry to have to, but it's your birthday and your husband wants to take you somewhere special.

Is she your best friend or not?? Yes she forgot your birthday, big deal. She is having a baby!! You have no kids - you and hubby can have a romantic getaway anytime!! There is no rule that says you MUST celebrate your BD on your BD. Have you thought about having another shower for her and invite friends? IMHO, if she really is your best friend, there would be no issue here.

Baby shower, you will have lots of birthdays. If my friends did not show up to my baby shower it would definitely change the friendship (If I was a women, I am taking this from what happened to my sister)

Is it cultural tradition to not send out invites before hand? It seems like you got a last minute invite...and you already had plans. Go to San Fran, give your friend your regrets and a gift... and maybe buy something cute for the baby in San Fran and give it to her when you come back and take her for lunch or a desert.

Go to the baby shower, it's your best friend! It's not where you'll have more fun (that's selfish) but how much you value your friendship.You don't want regrets later.You'll have other birthdays, or celebrate your 25th birthday before or after. Happy Birthday by the way!!