Is this a good introduction for my essay on becuase of winn dixie?

Question

Would you like everybody at your school to call you "lunch meat"? Only becasue your last name is buloni. I know I wouldn't!  In Beacuse of Winn Dixie, name calling was last on India Opal Buloni's list of disasters until something appeared in her life and turned it all around. Bcause of Winn Dixie, the book and the movie, is great, but have many differences. 
OR Is this better
Would you like everybody at your school to call you "lunch meat"? Only becasue your last name is buloni. I know I wouldn't! In Because of WInn Dixie, a ten year-old girl named INdia Opal Buloni 's life was a disaster.  SHe moved once again losing her friends, lost her mother, and had bad reputation at school, until something came into her life and turned it all around. Bcause of Winn Dixie, the book and the movie, is great, but have many differences.

**Skier** · Accepted Answer

They're both good. Hmmm...I think the 2nd one is better though. It gives the reader/teacher a better idea of the plot, even giving examples of WHY it was a disaster. Maybe put "...everybody at your school to call you "lunch meat" - and only because your last name is Buloni..." or "everybody at your school to call you "lunch meat"? And only because your last name is Buloni..." The "and" gives it more of a joining between the phrases. However, it is very good!

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sorry, but is this a formal essay? If so you should never use 'I', or start with a question. It just sounds childish. and there is too much information for an introduction and no thesis.

i ♥ nick jonas &lt;3 · Answer

i like the second one great job!!

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Is this a good introduction for my essay on becuase of winn dixie?

3 Answers