Anyone else feel like a different person at work?

I believe that you vent to yourself when you come home because, home is your comfort zone. That is the one place where you can let your feelings out. You do not do that at work because, you know you will lose your job!

What kind of a treatment are you an for depression? If it is medication, GET OFF OF IT. It is very dangerous to your long term mental health. Drugs, uh uhhh! What you need, is self-therapy. You need to sit down and vent any way possible WITHOUT harming yourself.

Try to do this:

Sit down with a pen and paper, take a few long breaths, and relax yourself.

Write down activities where you can express your feelings or simply feel relaxed(that wont hurt you) that will make you feel good. (painting, free writing, poetry, sitting by a lake, going out to a movie, etc.)

Go do them. You deserve to do it for yourself. Tell yourself that you deserve it.

You have a low self-esteem? What makes you feel like that?Is it the way you are around people or how you look? E-mail me if you would like to, I will try my best to help you out.

It seems like you need to take a break, step out of your life as a third person and decide and tell yourself what is the main cause of your depression. Take steps fixing it.

Often, many times that you get depressed is because you THINK you are depressed. It stay strong and focused, tell yourself that you are not and take the actions to move towards having a balance in your mind, body and life.

Listen hun, I was "depressed" for several years. But I realized that depression is just a simple phrase for not working towards who you really are or what you really want, or what you are missing in your life.

So take the steps and do yourself a favor and give the biggest gift in your life, taking care of yourself!

And Please, please, do not hurt yourself, because you are hurting the only person who can get you out of this!

Hope this helps, feel free to e-mail me anytime you want to talk to a friend. I am here for you! =)

****ADDED: I'm sure you know this since you are a doctor, but I believe your body has become habituated to the drugs that you are taking, so much that your body seems to be addicted to it, and that is why you are scared to let go. You need to come off of it slowly. Take less pills every week or so. Seriously, pills do not help depression. I have been on them and I know what I am talking about. It screws you up!

Your job gives you focus and direction and when you go home you lack focus and direction, so your mind wanders to places where you don't want it to go. Obviously that you're a doctor (and well-liked, no less), you must recognize that your lack of self-esteem is not terribly valid.

You have an illness and might consider \anti-depressants prescribed by a psychiatrist (not an MD). Also, I think it's quite possible you have ADD that is addressed by the structure of a job, so you may find that lack of structure at home difficult. Find some enjoyable activities and develop routines and coping methods to deal with this at home. Being on line could be part of it, but also sports, reading, going to movies, getting together with friends (or some of the nurses), could be steps in that direction.

Also consider keeping a running list or even a diary of things that you do right and like about yourself. In your profession, you get a lot of opportunities to build your self-esteem. And the more evidence you gather that you're a worthy person, the easier it will be for you to accept that your depression is an actual illness that you have to treat. Whether you go on medication or not, I'd recommend that you go to a therapist, who can help you understand the dimensions of your illness and find constructive ways to cope.

I feel the same way, about being different at work. Its not that you're a different person its just that perhaps you're just more comfortable with the people you're around because its a day in day out type thing. You're a doctor so you know all the harm that prescription medication can cause better than anyone. Maybe try finding new therapists? Group therapy always works for me, maybe try finding a new hobby or something to get interested in. Also going out and establishing a strong social circle is benefitial.

i hope everything works out! sleeping medication is no bueno

I also have a work "persona" that's more outgoing that the real me, though I'm not at another extreme at home. The real me has even somewhat merged with that persona over time.

I'm glad you're getting treated, and I don't know if I really have some advice, but I hope you do manage to find a balance. Could it be that you're investing yourself too much at work, and you're depleted afterwards? You probably need to find an outlet, perhaps some hobby or occupation which you could perfect and that will make you feel good about yourself outside of work too.

I have similar experiences, but I'm not suicidal or anything. I'm not sociable or outgoing at all most of the times after work, but at work people think I am a regular sociable average kind of guy. I think the reason why this is because I am a good worker, I feel like I have a purpose when I work and that I fulfill a role. In general society, I don't feel that way, I feel like an outsider. Most people at work are mature, whereas outside of work not so much.

It is ok to feel/do like two different persons from home or work. It is reasonable, nobody can be good at everything, we are human being, we have limitation. don't set the expection too high, commuicate to people often, express your feeling, don't feel like you are doctor, you can not have emotional moment. take vacation to san diego,

WOW.....i hope your depression doesn't spill over into your work persona! If you are really like this i would suggest that you stop working for a while and try find yourself. Spend more time having some fun and socializing with friends (outside of work).

Well, it could be worse, you could have one of these jobs:

http://www.bofads.com/stories/jobs.htm

Then you'd have it at both ends...