Im trying to win my husband back... please read.?

The both of you need counseling. If he is not willing to change His Ways then there isn't much hope in restoring the relationship.

God changes hearts....if you believe in God then pray about this. Ask God for restoration in your marriage.

I'll say a little prayer for you and your family

The only real way to forgive is to forgive completely. I know you've got your friends chirping in your ear about how you should never take him back, and once a cheater always a cheater and blah blah blah. What it really boils down to is this: How happy are you with him vs. without him? Obviously your happiness is understandably tied to the happiness and health of your children and family.

If you are really committed to forgiving you have to do that. What you cannot do is take him back but keep bringing it up every week when you are arguing. That will end badly. You really need to have an ENORMOUSLY serious talk beforehand, though. Get everything out on the table with him about how badly you were hurt and how you cannot ever go through that again and tell him directly that if you guys can somehow agree to kiss and makeup, that you will not bring it up again. Get everything out and put it in the past. That is the only way to move forward.

Not the most popular advice, I'm sure but from the sounds of it your life would be better if you were all together.

Let me open your eyes more here!

Ok, you're willing to give him another chance because of your children and your feelings. The 1st part is noble the 2nd is dumb.

My question to you would be for how long have you known he's been cheating? And since when did you confront him?

Why am I asking this?

Because the pain of being cheated on comes and goes like a tide... but unfortunately it never fades! The trust factor cannot be re-established because this is the only thing that has faded for good.

I would have honored your request if it came from a man who cheated on his wife and wanting to change then win his wife back. But I cannot honor a request of the victim who is willing to sacrifice more just to keep getting hurt.

Keeping such marriage is a big mistake... he should be under your feet. And still you'd kick him away. Not the other way around.

I am sorry but you truly have a problem with your self-esteem. Plus you are setting a bad example for your children!

My genuine advice would be divorce that dog without a battle and stay friends with him, not because you like him! But because you are civil and for the sake of your children.

That would be the best example for you to set for your children.

God bless you

Why did he cheat with several women? One is a problem, several sounds hopeless.

Men can cheat on their wives if they feel they are neglected and not being given ample attention. This particularly happens after kids come along, because the women devote all of their attention to the kids instead of the husband.

What SHOULD have happened, if he was looking for attention, is you'd talk it out after the first affair. If you never caught him after the first one, I suppose you're at that stage now. But, it sounds to me like he legitimately doesn't love you any more. (Sorry). Don't try to make it work if that is the case. But, I'd see if you can find out what caused the affairs in the first place. Maybe seek counseling.

Children will 2 better with separated parents than living together in one house with parents who don't love each other. They're not dummies, it will be obvious, and you'll teach them that same behavior. So, don't over-value staying together under the wrong circumstances.

Good luck.

It's sooooo hard to forgive someone after they cheat on you. There's a loss of the most important aspect of the marriage, and that's trust.

I guess the first thing you should look at is what are you hoping to gain? Did he apologize,,,and how remorseful was he in his apology?

People that cheat, always find an excuse to blame the other spouse for their cheating. If this continues, he's going to find some other "reason" why he couldn't have stayed faithful to you. There would be nothing you could do right--even if you dressed in french maid uniforms, wore stilleto heels and pole danced for him every night [along with cooking, cleaning, taking care of him and his kids]. There will always be something [in his mind] that you're doing wrong, because he wants to cheat. [I noticed your "...changing MY WAYS..."].

Just keep that in mind. Only you know you and only you know your husband and only you know your situation. Think it through and find out within yourself your true reasons [the kids will go for a few bumps, but it's better than having the influence of a cheater in their midst].

There are a couple things to consider here:

First let me start by saying that getting back with him just so that the kids can have a father is really just not good enough. They need to have two parents who love eachtother and want to be together who won't constantly fight and cause tension in the house.

But I do understand and sympathize, for the heart wants what it wants and it does seem as though you love him.

You also may need to resign to the fact that he MAY never be faithful to you. If this is something you think you truly can overlook than simply tell him that you want him back in the house (for the children's sake) and that he would be free to see other women.

That might appeal to him and he might come back. The problem here isn't you dear. It's him and his problem with monogomy.

I don't understand why youre the one trying to change when he's the one who cheated on you? Is there a key part missing here? I understand your desire to keep the family together, no one ever WANTS divorce but sometimes its whats for the best. If your husband isn't putting as much effort into re-uniting your family then you need to look past your emotions and realize his heart is not in this marriage and you will be put in this position again. If he is sincere in repairing your marriage then counseling is something that I think needs to be a big part of it

I think it's great that you're willing to do whatever it takes to save your marriage. The problem is that it needs to be two way. If your husband is not interested in staying together, it doesn't sound like anything you can do will change his mind . . . or he would just be cheating on you again. While a two parent household is best for your kids, living in one where Mom is an obvious doormat who is constantly disrespected and cheated on by Dad may not be worth it and does not teach them good things about relationships. In the end, it sounds like he needs to be the one to decide this is worth working out, but you need to accept that he might not.

I understand the importance of having your family as one, my parents divorced and if I had my way they would have stayed married forever, but happily that is another thing. I am not sure if I would have really wanted them to stay together just for me and not be happy themselves. Does your husband love you? You have said you love him and want to have him back, but does he want the same? I strongly believe in keeping your marriage. And sometimes an affair happens, one time do I believe in forgivness but to do you wrong several times, it doesn't sound like he wants his family first. Really think about this without your feelings first. Will this be right for your kids to say yes my mom and dad are still together, but dad doesn't love mom or respect her and he cheats on her. However your relationship is with your husband will more then likely be something that your kids will look for when they grow up. So if you want your kids in the same marriage as yours then go for it.

Dont take him back. He he cheated with several women there is a good chance he will do it again. you should not have to change for him. Dont stay together for the children. my mother and father tried to work it out when i was young also. Kids are smart they no what is going on. They can still see their father even he he does not live with you. As time goes by you will get stronger and some day meat someone who will treat you better. Good luck

If he is not asking for a second chance, then don't even bother. He won't stop what he is doing. The children will be ok. He can visit them on the week-ends, or whatever the court decides.

He should be begging you for another chance and then the ball would be in your court. Now, you are asking him for another chance. That is just plane crazy. He would always have the upperhand he would continue to cheat.

What if he brings a disease home to you? Worse yet, what if he catches AIDS and gives it to you? How would you tell your children that you are dying because Dad is a cheating b*stard?

Don't put yourself through it. Nobody wants change but in time, all will be better.

Time heals all wounds!