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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

mmm. okay my poem has been edited now?

Blue Heart

Avalanched beneath, was a heart,

Cool and blue cause no beat at all,

In lovers eyes climbing left to fall,

Each kiss was of lustful impart.

Her icy heart that freezes thick,

Shatters! As and falls to pieces,

Blue blood like tears she releases,

While she melts away so quick.

Update:

Mr R? nob jokky lol

yeh lustful hows that emo?

4 Answers

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Why is that odd little 'as' in there?

    As what? It would be better if you wrote.

    Shatters! As it was, and falls to pieces.

    Or just put a comma after the "!".

    Please do something with it!

    Great poem. While I was reading, I felt like I was reaching out to some one, far off in the distance, in the middle of a blinding blizzard.

    I give this poem a

    Chill 9.6

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    The meaning is the same but I feel like this is a totally different poem, Ilike it, but why change the first draft?

    Source(s): ST
  • 1 decade ago

    I liked the other one,

    but this one is short

    and it's the same

    meaning, I don't know

    much bout poetry, but

    I sure wish i did. L0L

    Edit: Hey!! Someone gave me a thumbs down

    =((

    O well.

  • 1 decade ago

    For how long did you edit this poem? It needs a lot more editing. Sounds too EMO. "lustful"? question mark

    Good Luck!

    P.S. You're going to need it

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