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mmm. okay my poem has been edited now?
Blue Heart
Avalanched beneath, was a heart,
Cool and blue cause no beat at all,
In lovers eyes climbing left to fall,
Each kiss was of lustful impart.
Her icy heart that freezes thick,
Shatters! As and falls to pieces,
Blue blood like tears she releases,
While she melts away so quick.
Mr R? nob jokky lol
yeh lustful hows that emo?
4 Answers
- ?Lv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
Why is that odd little 'as' in there?
As what? It would be better if you wrote.
Shatters! As it was, and falls to pieces.
Or just put a comma after the "!".
Please do something with it!
Great poem. While I was reading, I felt like I was reaching out to some one, far off in the distance, in the middle of a blinding blizzard.
I give this poem a
Chill 9.6
- Anonymous1 decade ago
The meaning is the same but I feel like this is a totally different poem, Ilike it, but why change the first draft?
Source(s): ST - 1 decade ago
I liked the other one,
but this one is short
and it's the same
meaning, I don't know
much bout poetry, but
I sure wish i did. L0L
♥
Edit: Hey!! Someone gave me a thumbs down
=((
O well.
- 1 decade ago
For how long did you edit this poem? It needs a lot more editing. Sounds too EMO. "lustful"? question mark
Good Luck!
P.S. You're going to need it
