How to tell someone she's done somethng terribly rude?

I appreciate that you want to tell her what she did was wrong (and it SO was!), but I don't think it would serve any purpose in this case. You might think it would make you feel better to "tell her politely" as a show of you taking the high road, but the only way she will learn it was wrong to do this is IF she tries to do something with you again in the future and you tell her, "Well if you want to plan something, that's fine, but I will leave the logistics and itenerary up to you because it didn't work out when I was in charge of it all."

IF you do get the opportunity and turn the tables on her, and she wants to see you again, she will have to do all the work this time. She is more likely to stay commited to the plans she has had to invest in.

EDIT: After reading your notes, I would say that as an Aussie, she might not take travel plans as seriously as us American's do. I think they go stay with "friends" all the time when they are traveling...she might'nt have realized you had gone to so much effort. But it is still up to you to teach this person how you expect to be treated by your friends! Or else you will never enjoy the relationship.

Do you have her phone number? Maybe you can call her? Actually, I probably wouldn't have made plans without her phone number. This is coming from someone who has met people in real life that they met online. Getting a phone number means someone is serious and isn't just fantasizing about "getting away" for a while.

As others have said, write an e-mail out detailing all you went through for her. Let her know that it is a real person with a real job and a real schedule on the other line. Doing that to you was totally rude. Ask her how she would feel if she wasted vacation days for plans that fell through. If you both are members of an online group, you also should let everyone else know what she did so that she doesn't pull the same garbage on them too.

OK - I don't mean to sound negative - but perhaps if you've been ONLINE friends, you should feel blessed she didn't make it. Are you saying you've NEVER met her in person before? Because I think if that's the case you were possibly making a HUGE mistake in agreeing to have her come and stay with you. This can be very dangerous. If she acted that way, perhaps she sensed that whatever she was planning wasn't going to go her way...especially if she was talking about coming out with SOMEONE ELSE! So maybe instead of worrying about letting her know she was rude, you should just forget about it and make no more contact at all.

If she's avoiding you, chances are she already knows she was rude and inconsiderate. You now have three choices: 1) wait for her to contact you, judge her based on what she says and react appropriately, 2) if it's a friend worth keeping, wait a week or so and e-mail again only asking if the problems worked out. Chances are you'll get an explanation/apology then, and you can decide if you want to pursue the friendship based on that or 3) just let it drop entirely - if you don't hear anything, then it's not a friendship worth salvaging.

Okay, first of all, after she mentioned the problems, I would have automatically cancelled the offer in my mind, especially since she never called back. No WAY would I write again, cajole her or whatever it is you are doing. Are you sure she is even on the vacation at all? If you don't even have her phone number, consider this a pretend-friend from Cyberspace, which is exactly what it is. I hate to say this, but people who consider online contacts "friends" usually have issues with intimacy, which includes being able to communicate in a healthy manner. It sounds to me like something personal and upsetting to her occurred and she doesn't want to go into it yet.

You can vent your spleen, it is tempting, but honestly it won't change one thing. She is a rude inconsiderate person and this is one of the many problems associated with online friends because you never see them in person or really know them, this sort of aberrant behavior is fairly common. Let it go and just be very wary in future about who you invite to your home.

I get the feeling She's avoiding you- because She KNOWS what's she's done wasn't "right" & she doesn't want to deal with You OR It. If you still feel the need to express your Unhappiness about the matter, send Her an e-mail detailing all the TROUBLE You took on her behalf... -Otherwise You might better consider looking for a more "Considerate" friend... -& dumping Her.

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I would send her another email and if she doesn't reply then I would change everything back the way it was.

I wouldn't change the day off work though....use it to do something fun for yourself.

She did say well about that....which I take to mean she is not coming now.