What do you think of my story?

Kenneth hits the main character (Sid) with a shovel to break his legs because he envies Sid's superior talent in running.“Hello, Sid,” he sneered. “Having fun?” “No, not really,” I replied with an equally dominant sneer. “Well, that’s too bad,” he responded. “I guess I shouldn’t have RUN away with my deductions. Sometimes you have to go the extra MILE just to get to the conclusion you want to get. Isn’t that right, Sid?” “What the hell is your problem?” I blurted. “Why can’t you just let it go? Does it really matter so much that I beat you at the mile?” “Yes, Sid,” he said dramatically, “it does. It does in more ways than you could ever possibly imagine. I was nice enough to bring you here; you should be bowing down to me, thanking me for my astounding mercy and grace.” “But you could have killed me!” I said indignantly. “Yeah, maybe,” he said, without the slightest hint of remorse or regret in his voice. “But who cares? I mean, if anyone had to die, it might as well have been you.”

Some Other Excerpts

1)As I walked towards my cell, I could see only darkness in my future. There was only darkness in my cell, darkness in the hall, and darkness in my soul. I was unmade. Once I had had an identity, but the person I used to be had been destroyed, not by fire, but by cold, smooth indifference.

2)The bullet penetrated Mrs. Claire’s stomach as if it were rice paper, as I could see a gash in her clothing, as blood flowed from her wound in a crimson cascade. She groaned and slumped to the ground, writhing in pain. The whole auditorium turned towards me, staring at me with terrified disbelief. I smirked derisively in their direction. “No, she isn’t dead,” I said. “Nor will she be from this blow. Let this simply be a reminder that the price of defiance grows ever higher Those who have ever dared to wrong me, take extreme care not to combust in the face of fire.

Jealous shadows lurked in the recesses of my mind. I could feel them swirling with vengeance inside me. They spoke to me, called me. The shadows beckoned me to bask once more in its familiar light, to revel in the darkness I had once made my home. For a brief, shining moment, I was the one in control. I was the one who commanded others, the one who bent them to my will. And now I was struggling to maintain a foothold on my life, struggling to retain control of my thoughts and my soul. Sometimes, the evil within me would rage and howl, caged within the black core of my heart. I thought about those who I had hurt, and the monstrous satisfaction it had given me. I thought about the joy, the passion, the blind, cleansing feeling of needless cruelty. I had stripped others of their chance to truly live, because I could not contain the darker side of me.

I initially planned to just have it end in tragedy, where he never really is able to cure his insanity. He remains tormented by his inner demons all the way to the bitter end of his life. I thought that this would have served as a testament to the tragic, tortured nature of his existence.