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A state of difference, your thoughts?
Fire.
A blade of wind hit my cheek,
A deepened violet my skin did turn,
An orange flame my heart did seek,
But hell released that day to burn.
A brown and green rustle up high,
A white knuckle was scraped,
A pulsing red through a vein,
A woollen head was now capped.
A tarred flooded jungle,
A splash of soles did plop,
A soaked man stood still,
Not one has a solid mop.
A revelation in droves,
A hardened soul now beat,
A heart broken by season,
For want of a glowing hearth.
3 Answers
- ToddLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
That was very cool.
Your style is so unlike anything I write that I can't help but appreciate it.
Solid ending and nice building through the colors and images--what really stood out for me though was the rhythm...the natural cadence.
I sometimes get a little put off by syntax choices like "my skin did turn" but for whatever reason I felt it worked here.
Excellent last line...and I did enjoy these also:
But hell released that day to burn.
A brown and green rustle up high,
(not to take the lines out of context, but they did pop for me and stood out as really well done when I read them).
- 1 decade ago
Some of your best work yet, I think Todd said it best when he said it was unlike anything that he writes, because I feel you wirte in the era of past times, well done, bravo.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
i really liked it. i like the beat. you should try and sing this song.
check out my poem im 11
