when do children become so unruly?

Perhaps you feel that you have failed and are judging yourself harshly. Being a parent is not easy. There is not even an instruction manual handed out when the child is born and there is an industry in advice books which contradict each other! 18 is a difficult age for boys/men - they are still maturing and their hormones are over the place. They do not communicate very well and are trying to find their feet as adults, resenting any apparent or perceived interference from parents (when the parents are just trying to advise). Hiis behaviour is not necessarily the result of anything you have done or not done. His behaviour/attitude may be perfectly normal for his age and sex. I understand that general advice in these situations is to try to communicate and negotiate, but to enforce the boundaries which you set as house rules. If you had set him leaving as the last resort, then you perhaps had no choice to follow thro.

It may be that his leaving home will help your relationship improve; I recall that mine did with my parents when I left for further education.

I have been vague here because I do not know enough about your situation to fully reassure you. If you live in the UK, parentline are a brilliant help with non-judgemental advice: www.parentlineplus.org.uk. I have often questioned my actions and they have been very helpful in me realising that I was not being unreasonable on those occasions and in suggesting resolutions to problems.

Hope that helps. Good luck

You asking your son to leave the house for your reason is nothing to feel bad about! You did the right thing. If you still feel guilty, invite him over to visit once and a while. Invite him for all the holidays if you can. Hope everything goes well with your son!!!

You feel like this because he is your child. People used to tell me that when my children were grown up I would still worry about them. I didn't think I would.

But I do, 2 of my children haven't spoken to me for over a year for diferent reasons. All I did was tear myself apart worrying and wondering where I had gone wrong. I can't explain when I felt better but I realised it was pointless feeling this way.

Have I stopped worrying? No. But I don't make myself ill over it anymore. Maybe in time you will feel this way, but at the moment it is still raw. Try and think of yourself first, you brought your son up and his behaviour is where he is at the moment. He is an adult now and you should try and think of him this way. It's hard I know but beating yourself up isn't going to make it any better.

There comes a time when our children have to take responsibility for their actions, it is really hard to accept and guilt is part of parenting. Giving clear boundaries when they are young should stop unruly behaviour but as they grow up they are free to make their own decisions good or bad.

Easy because he is your son and we only want whats best for them, but in this day and age it seems as if their all acting out at a much younger age.. Don't feel guilty!

you rotten b***, he'll probably end up on the street doing drugs and selling them, he might become a pimp or trade in human traffic.. oh but its all ok because hes an adult now huh?

shame on you, you werent there for him before and now youve cultivated him into a fine human being, you wont be there again ! Just let society deal with the trash and our taxes go up !

bad parenting