My life has been futile and in vain.?

While it may be as crapy a situation as it can be in your view, you have to realize that and accept that you are not alone, and that there are people who are worse off. Allow me to share a bit of my own background... I have spent a better part of my life 18yrs languising in orphanages in 2 different countries in eastern europe, I had nothing I could call my own, I was separated from my siblings as they were adopted away to various families as commodities, I had seen and waited for people to to finish their cakes in cafe's hoping they had left some scraps I could have... I am now in the US as well with the grace of god and my own personal drive knowing that if someone gave me a chance I would do everything in my power to better myself. I have and always had a positive attitude and realized that I could use it to help others. I now have a healthy career and date people. Yes, it was very hard because it was at an impressionable age, you have to think positive and have to count your blessings as there are many I am sure of.

I would suggest seeking out some counseling as well and know that being counter productive and or self destructive will not make it any better. You have the power within and one day you will stand tall and proud. I can almost see it.

ps: I was able to re-connect with my siblings in the last 2 yrs... had not seen most of them (5) in over 13 yrs.... and even now I think I was one of the lucky ones, as are you!

I know you're going to think right off the bat that I'm some kind of hippy/freak, but seriously, the only thing that can ever fill the void that exists in every ones life, is through Jesus Christ. Only he can bring true joy, and comfort you when you're in need. It's sounds far fetched, but I guarantee you it's real. I've been so depressesed at times, to the point of suicide, but then Gods peace flows over me and revives me. You have to experience it to believe it.

You are undoubtedly introspective and your current feeling is a stage of conscious development. I suggest you not run away from it. If you persist, and do not just sedate your feeling through distractions/drugs/beliefs, you may come upon a deep still simplicity. You will be hard pressed to find people who can really understand this process, but I suggest you seek out others who have worked on inner development, not just intellectual development. Read too. If you need suggestions, let me know.

Yea, I felt that way too once in awhile. Best bet is to block the pain with some other emotion or take your mind off of it. Just believe that you don't give a f*** about any of it and move on with your day. Thats how I did it.

work on 1 thing at a time.

i know what you're talking about

don't do anything that you'll regret because this feeling will eventually pass

It is what you will make it.