HELP.....cannot cope with 2 yr old....any advice??

http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/

Please go here as you will find people that understand your problem and there is help available.

Sometimes it helps on these pages to state in what area you live as people can only find you help if they know. Good luck.

PS. Please let me know if this helps.

I know just how you feel I also have no family around and my husband works odd hours and the worst part of toddler tantrums etc is when you can't get away and so lose perspective. I really feel for you I know how desperate things can feel but you have to remember that they are NOT as desperate as you think they are. Kids pick up on everything especially if you are tired, rundown, depressed etc and then they just go beserk so the first thing you need to focus on is to calm yourself down and realise what an ace job you are doing and how you can totally cope and you are more than enough to cope with a 2 year old. Honestly, you are, even if sometimes it doesn't feel like it. It can help to read a book, Toddler Taming by Christopher Green was good, he's an Australian, tells it like it is and if nothing else makes you feel normal to realise that everyone else has exactly the same problems!!

If you can find some time to yourself, pop your daughter in front of the TV with loads of junk food, whatever it takes to give yourself a half hour break to have a think and remember all the things you are doing right - she's clothed, fed, clean, and hasn't murdered anyone yet. then think about what you expect from her, and prioritise what is important and what is not. So crossing the road she HAS to do what you say but if she doesn't pick up her toys thats not so serious, once you see things more clearly they won't upset you so much and you won't feel such a failure. Get a treat system going - sticker chart or TV time or whatever. I have a little girl who's now 3 and they are amazingly stubborn but nothing upsets them more than if you just ignore their tantrums, then their crying becomes tears of sadness rather than of rage and frustration and you can then relent ask them if they want a cuddle and then do whatever you wanted her to do together, its long winded but its kind of gets the message across.

Hi... sorry things are so tough right now.

All I can say is that they will get better - but only with a bit of work. It sounds as if you would be much better off without her father being around you - you need to sort out that situation as your daughter is obviously picking up on all of the negative emotions flying around - do you and your ex argue a lot? Even if she's in bed your daughter will hear and will pick up on this - it's not fair to make her live like that. Be strong - kick him out and don't take no for an answer. Then you can start rebuilding your lives.

To get a break - take her to a soft play centre - they are usually secure and well staffed and then you can have a sit down and a cup of tea - or even get on the frame and play with her. It'll burn some of her energy. Spend more quality time together - bed time stories, doing colouring - anything. Just keep her as busy as possible and try and be as patient as possible.

Also, try rewarding her good behaviour and ignoring the bad - a start chart is great. And give her lot's of love and cuddles and reassurance, as this is a hard time for her as well.

Good luck!!

My little girl is four now and will be going to school soon. My daughter was 2 an a half when my partner had an affair and left us. It was a tough time.

The best thing i did was getting her into playschool/nursery and going back to work for a few hours a day tax credits are great and you can get help with childcare and then when she is 3 you get free pre school. Could you get your husband to move out it's confusing for her and you. She knows when you are feeling stressed and this is probably affecting her it is also a hard time for them because they are still learning how to communicate. The best thing i do when my daughter is having a tantrum is to walk away, and wait for her to come to you then talk. I also have a good routine kids like to know where they are and whats coming next. I have also used reward charts have fun making your own.

I think she needs lots of love and cuddles and she needs to be kept busy, just like you. Don't wish this time with her away as she will soon be off to school and you will wonder where it all the went. Things will get better I'm sure if you feel bad send me a message it all sounds so easy but just remember she is your best friend and this will all be worth it x x

Get your soon to be ex the hell out the door. You are not a bad mother, but letting a man walk all over you doesn't give you much chance with your little ones. You may not think they can see or feel your stress, but they can. If your husband is not around, he's not entitled to even fight a case. Some part may be terrible twos, but either get the man out of the house and things will start to calm down. Wait too long and your authority over the kids will be completely gone because there's no authority of your husband or him to you. Your living in a house where you were once married and now your sperating, the kids don't understand what's going on and are trying to cope with the fact that maybe they are the reason why their Dad is acting up.

Good luck my dear, keep working with the kids, they love you and they always will. Get a man that loves you as much as your babies do!

Take care.

I think that just maybe you need some help, you are not a bad parent but everything is getting on top of you and this will come through to the child. They are amazingly bright on picking up on "moods". Have you tried your local health centre? They may be able to put you in touch with local Mums and Toddler groups, which I have to say I found marvellous. Lots of young Mums all with similar problems to you, you can chat, your daughter will have a good time, and you may pick up some sound advice. You may even be able to help look after each others children and give you a bit of a break. Chin up, all this will be behind you one day. Your daughter is at that age - honestly it will pass and she will go to Nursery, you will be divorced and can get on and live your life. Things seem bleak but HONESTLY they will get better. Go see what there is to do out there with your daughter, most things if you don't have much cash are subsidised. GOOD LUCK. XX

Ok, deep breath and take a step back...

You are really stressed out and need a bit of time to yourself.

You said you don't have family - but what about your in-laws? Your daughters grand-parents on your ex's side?

Anyway I would suggest going back to the mum and toddler group - dont think about how the others have supportive partners (you never know what goes on behind closed doors!), go there with the intention of getting some sort of support network.

By that I mean, find someone who can baby sit for you on the the odd occassion and you for them - its just about a trade off so you - and the other mum - get a bit of time to yourselves.

You are doing well under the circumstances - but you also need to you get you ex involved in the the home arrangements. Draw up a domestic rota or something - you said he works long hours/ days but he must take some responsibility around the home and with his child. Even if he just takes your child out to the park for a few hours it gives you time to things you want to do.

Good luck.

I also have a two year old and am living abroad with no family living close by.

Some things I have tried are:

Put an ad the the classifieds to babysit children around the same age as yours. This helped my child tremendously to have others to play and learn from.

It will also give YOU extra money.

Maybe also help you meet others mothers that will be willing to give you a break sometime.

Take her to the park or for a walk. Getting out of the house for awhile would always help us both.

Don't let her see you get stressed out, or sense this from you. It sometimes make them act out because that is the only way they know to deal with it.

Good Luck! I don't think you are a bad mother. I have been in your shoes!!

With young ones like that it's hard. I used to watch that age group. What you need to do is set a certain naughty spot. Like at the bottom of the stairs or a certain place against the wall (not the corner). If she doesn't do what you ask, you put her there for two minutes. If she moves, don't scream or say anything. Just move her back with out saying anything. BUT of course when you put her there tell her "I am putting you here because you need to listen to mommy". Don't give her attention when she acts up. Just put her there. She is doing it to get attention. Show her that being bad doesn't get rewarded.

You have to make sure however when she is doing good you reward her and give her attention. She will start to learn that when she does something bad she doesn't get a reaction adn she has to stay in her spot. But when she is good she can get rewarded. :)

When she is older she will be good on her own but for right now, she's 2 and doesn't understand .

Good luck!

Hi there.You sound really stressed out at the moment.I've been single since having my son and hes 2 1/2 now.What has worked for myself is staying calm in tough situations.Try not to ask her to do things-or atleast not now.First try to build a trust with her.For every tiny good thing she does encourage and praise her.Just so that she knows how much her 'kindness' is appreciated.Enjoy her company(even though sometimes we all want to have time alone) and have her involved in whatever you do.Work your way up from there.When asking her to 'tidy up' .If she says "no" explain that she doesn't 'have to' but if she did then there would be more space for her to play in...in other words,give her positive reasons as to why her "doing as shes told" would be fun/good for her.Also, have you heard of surestart?they do some great parent and toddler sessions(and they're free aswell)

I really think its important you sit down and speak to your 'so called husband' aswell.Is your daughter attached to him?Its likely that tensions in and around the house may be stressing her aswell.Children often pick up on when there parents are upset and try to get a reaction by wanting attention.This child is just as much his responsibility as it is yours.

Most importantly,remember to give your little one plenty of cuddles and remind her that you love her know matter what.This is just a phase-It wont last forever,and it most certainly doesn't mean you're a bad parent,we've all been there.Take care and all the best.regarde.

Hiya. You've got a lot on your plate at the moment. Take a deep breath, you will get through it. No one thinks you're a bad parent, just totally stressed. Your child is probably picking up on your stress levels and reacting accordingly. She knows things are wrong, that her parents arn't happy and is reacting. Firstly, don't worry about food. She will not starve herself. Give her a variety of food, if she doesn't eat it, don't fuss. By making an issue out of it, it gives her more power. I went through a long drawn out divorce with two young boys, no money and an absent father, he went for two years without seeing them and lived 5 miles away! It's not easy separating and living together at same time. I feel for you, try getting out of the house as much as possible, take her to the park, wear her out so that she'll take a nap and give you some breathing space. Try not to engage in battles with her, calm bribery is useful - when you've picked up your toys you can have a ? or watch TV, or go to the park. Try toddler seasons again but don't talk with the sanctimonious 'perfect parents'! If your husband is working all the time at least he isn't around you to wind you up. You'll be stronger having got through this.