can you hate a woman you love? or maybe can you love the woman you hate?

The bond that was once shared between the two of you, as husband and wife has been irretrievably broken. To now contemplate being together again, simply because she "ended" her affair would only cause additional pain and anguish for all parties involved, in the final analysis. The children, I assure you, need a healthy example, which cannot be provided under the circumstances. :) And you, Grumpy, deserve so much more...

And anyone who would ever justify infidelity, I am not interested in rationale, is depraved!!!

First of all, the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. You are angry and hurt because you gave your heart and were betrayed.

I commend you for wanting to keep your family together, and can assure you that if you are BOTH committed to this goal, and work through why this happened and what is important to both or you, you have a chance of coming out with a marriage that is stronger that you could imagine.

You didn't say if she has the same committment to the marriage and to rebuilding the trust she destroyed. This is key to successfully rebuilding a broken marriage.

If you are both committed to rebuilding the marriage, I strongly recommend some sort of marriage counseling -- they can be very helpful in guiding dialog/communication. For instance, you can get so stuck on your hurt and anger, that you can't let it go -- and truth is at some point you will have to let that go if you want to rebuild the marriage. And she is going to have to WORK HARD to regain your trust, and that may mean checking in with you, or not getting defensive if you ask where she is going.

Some work health plans cover some counseling visits, so you may want to check and see if you have this coverage. If you are members of a church/parish, your pastor may be able to offer some counseling.

If you reach the point of working together and are ready to nurture the marriage, you may want to look into The Worldwide Marriage Encounter to help improve communication and the overall relationship. NOTE - it is not for counseling, it is for strengthening relatively stable marriages. I have never been but have heard great things from Catholics and non-Catholics who have attended.

You are not choosing an easy road but you both owe it to your children to at least try to hold the family together. I know that whatever happens will be for the best. Stay strong.

Without knowing your financial situation, I would advise to not divorce because it is a financial nuclear bomb. You have worked too hard to just throw your estate away. To me, loyalty is marriage is not difficult because the promise is most important part of leading an ethical life. I would think of my spouse as a business partner. If you can "buy" her out, then maybe you could terminate. But, the kids need a real family. Divorce is such a terrible impact on the kids. I guess the problem you present is as difficult as any I have ever considered. I think my focus would be on the kids.

I THINK YOU SHOULD BREAK IT OFF WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH A WOMAN THAT OBVIOUSLY IS NOT HAPPY WITH YOU. YOU ARE GONNA BE HAPPY ALL YOUR LIFE AND YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE SO YOU GOTTA LIVE IT. DON'T BE DEPRESSED. THERE IS NOT GONNA BE ANY TRUST BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU AND THE KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP IS TRUST WITH NO INSECURITIES. SO ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION DO YOU REALLY WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE KNOWING THAT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME FEELINGS FOR YOU AND WOULD RATHER BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH YOUR WIFE RIGHT NOW IS NOT HEALTHY FOR NIETHER YOU NOR THE KIDS. EVENTUALLY YOU WILL GET TIRED OF TRYING TO MAKE IT WORK FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR KIDS BUT THEY ARE OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION. DON'T GET YORSELF STUCK AND BEING USED. PAY ATTENTION TO YOURSELF AND TO YOUR 2 KIDS THATS ALL THAT SHOULD MATTER TO YOU AT THIS POINT. I DON'T THINK YOUR WIFE WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU OR THE KIDS WHEN SHE WAS WITH THAT MARRIED MAN.

Stay but make sure you have your own account and get out there and party like there's no tomorrow and put your mind at ease . She want excitement then show her what real excitement is . Try the threesome thing with her make your life exciting to. Maybe that's what she hungers for

Well it sounds like you got her bored and she looked for it somewhere else. I know it sounds harsh buddy but if you don't feed the cat it will eventually end up at someone else's doorstep or the alley down the street. Good luck but it sounds done!!

http://www.squidoo.com/save-marriage-advice

maybe that was the problem ...the reason why she cheated? maybe you grew tired of trying anything. say it isnt so!

um...idk