Your kids and their stepmom...?

I am a stepmom, and my stepson calls me by my first name. He is only six, but when he was old enough to understand, we did sit him down and explain how I was a part of his family. This came on the heels of a family tree project that he was doing at age 4. I told him "I am your stepmom. That means that I am married to your dad and take care of you like a mom would, but I'm not really your mom." He thought it was great and did for that week start calling me "Stepmom" - his choice and not something I would ever force on him - but when his mother heard about it, she got very angry and he went right back to calling me by my first name.

I think it's important to make sure that the children know the difference between a biological parent and a step-parent but to leave it up to them what they would like to call their step-parents. I know many who call their stepmom's their bonus moms.

I think that the better that everyone that is involved in the child's development can get along, the better. I treat my stepson just as if he were my own child when he is in my home - when it comes to times when both myself and his mother are present, I defer to her because it's not really my place to act as (step)parent when he's not in my home. I do my best to take care of my stepson but make sure that his mother knows that I am not trying to replace her and I have respect for her position as his mother (whether or not we ever would agree on how to parent).

In our case - yes, I do think that my husband traded up when he married me. That's not me being egotistical or arrogant. That's just me saying it like it is. He was married to a 250lb couch potato who wouldn't get a job or even clean the house while he worked 3 jobs to support them. She was clinically mentally ill and just an all around bad person for anyone to be with. I'm fit, active, have a career or my own, and since we got together, DH went from having absolutely nothing to having a car of his own, home of our own, a good paying job, etc all because he was not the only one doing all the work.

I'm a stepmom and get along great with my stepkiddos. They dont call me mom though, their mom wouldn't like that LOL -they call me by my name... no, we don't get along. I think as a stepmom, from my prespective.... you should try not to feel jealous of her or worried about the relationship your kids have with her. They love and adore YOU more than anyone else, trust me, she will be their friend but you will ALWAYS be their mom. The more people around who love and take care of your kids the better in my opinion. Don't feel threatened... and don't talk bad about her or your ex in front of the kids, that's what my husbands ex does and it's very hard for the kids because they do like me when they're here but when they go home, because they know their mom doesn't like me, they have to say they don't like me and had a rotten time as to not make her mad or upset *sigh* Just remember YOU'RE it for them, she isn't replacing you as their mother.... I treat my stepkids just as I do my own kids with fairness, love and respect. Why would you ask about trading up? Sometimes marriages just don't work out. I'm sure he wasn't trading up so don't think that way! I hope this helps...

I'm the stepmom as well. And they call me by my first name.

From what I've seen, I'm extremely lucky. I get along great with them AND with their mom.

Although I cannot speak for the 'mother', I wouldn't say she was traded up on. My husband and his ex just weren't compatible. Luckily they both had the sense of mind to cut it off amicably. All involved are great now because of it!

Hang in there, Hailey! I believe that kids will eventually grow into their own opinion and be able to differentiate between reality (you really being a decent person) and their mom's hateful opinion (why they're treating you badly now).

I have yet to have to deal with my ex's relationships and how that'll affect my daughter, but we'll just take it as it happens.

:o)

I am the step-mom and they call me by my first name. I personally don't care for my hubby's ex b/c of what she did to him oh and she's a pathological liar so I don't have patience for that. She competes with me over who is the better mom...her or me, which I also have no patience for. My husbands ex is a piece of work so I may not have the most unbiased answer.

I don't know that you necessarily have to be friends with a new step-mom in your kids life, just don't bad mouth her to your kids b/c that would put your kids in an awkward position. I also see in my step-kids that the love they have for their mother will never change no matter if I was the greatest person in the world, and I would assume the same applies to your children. You are their mom and they love you for you, even if they call the other mom and talk about what great stuff she did w/ them.

As for did your ex trade up...stop it, you have nothing to gain by belittling yourself or comparing yourself to someone else. Be proud of who you are.

Having been a stepchild, I would say this about what to call a stepmom or stepdad: Let the choice of name be something that both parties agree to. Don't try to force a name on the kids. My mother tried to make us call our stepfather "Dad" because he didn't want to be called by his first name anymore. That pretty much tore us up because we still had a Dad.

Before my Mom and (now former) Stepfather started in, we called him by the first name and it worked fine for us. We call our stepmother by her first name, and there has never been trouble with that.

well number 1 mom is really just a word ... a mom is the one who gave birth to ya !!1 a mom is the one whos always there with the love and support and caring and sharing ... id say hes the one whos beeing selfish here ... you come into the world with one birth mom and go out with one .. both u and the step mom are there for the kids no matter what her feeling shouldnt be hurt for them calling u mom because thats who u are should be sharing the word and the love and caring and sharing the hitting and pulling hair is just wrong and the dad shouldnt be allowing it u see i can honestly say all of this is because i am STEP mom to 6 beautiful kids and STEP gramma to 5 beautiful babies .... i dont deni them there real mom and never would there has to be an understanding between the 3 of u ... that no matter what u are there and is never going away .. so u ALL can share every wonderful thing there is to share with the children ... if harmony doesnt happen between the 3 of u then there will be ate and resentment & confusion from the kids and they cannot grow up with that it will make for unhappy bitter kids .. i grew up this way ,, my parents also split up and i also have a step mom and the same thing happened so please for the kids sake and for the familys sake !!!!! 3 loving parents make happy healthy wonderful children ...

Mahrye, You're so lucky! I am the stepmother. Being friends with the biological mother would make things so much easier on everyone and I definitely wouldn't mind! Instead she is so nasty to me and tells her child that I am the reason for the parents' split... even though I came into the picture five years after everything "settled" (and of course after the divorce). The stepchild calls me by my first name and I am overly nice to the poor girl although she hates me due to her mother's malicious nature. It is such a shame :(

Also, as the step mom, she calls me mommy. Her mother never really took care ofher and rarely does now. She comes and goes whenever. She calls her biological mother, mom as well. She dislikes me and makes our child call me by my first name, even when she wants to call me mom. My husband calls me by my name because we believe our daughter should say what she wants and feels, as long as it is nice! But no one should tell a child what to call anyone or be a bad influence on them and their choices. If she feels like I am more of a mom than another person, then as the first ammendment says, she has the right to say that. I have been here for our baby since she was concieved and the mother did drugs the entire pregnancy and continues to do drugs when the baby is now 5 years old. But the child should have the choice. If it were her choice and her choice alone to call me by my name, then that is ok, but if it is her choice to call me mom, that is ok as well.

As the step parent, she can decide. and HER choice will stand.

I am the step mom! My partners kids call me by my first name and it works fine for us. They're great kids. I also have a son from a previous relationship and he calls my partner by his first name! I get along fine with my partners ex and we just make all the kids feel as loved as possible as thats the most important thing..........xxx

I call my stepmom by her name