Kalo anda mengaku kritis dan pinter berbahasa Inggris!, Plis komen puisiq ini!!!

Question

Silahkan anda beri komentar, saran, kritik, atau pertanyaan.!,
Baik dari segi tata bahasanya, atau diksinya, atau apa saja...,
Aq perlu cepet niihh...
Pliiss,,,!! Thx 4 a lot.

 A GRAVESTONE

I want to bring off the world be more good
I start that, by try to change the world
But that is dificult
Then i decrease that, try to change my country.
But that is thorny.
Thence i strovr to change peoples in my land
Then, i stillborn.
I think to change peoples in my town is easy
But fall out, that is not simply
Since i try to change my friends
But, that is nuisance
And then I try to change my familly
But that is not steady
More i try, and try, But why i more fallen..
I think, what is my fault?
Get think and thinking...
Until i found the faul is comefrom my self
All great change, start by small change.
Change of my self..
But to do that, is not fast as tosay that..
I aware that now, in where i am..
My GroveStone.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Wow is very good, is good, is good. Wonderfull, perfect. Sory, my English is not so good

mick-sls · Answer

I noticed there is usage of Archaic word such as "Thence" but yet most of the word are not that "Archaic". then couple grammar mistakes, such as "..try to change...". , and others. couple typos such as "strovr", "faul", "GroveStone". 
In philosopical aspect it's quite weird poem, considering the author seems to be dead by the time he realised that all he needs to do is change himself. But, this is like the philosophy about bringing the change to the world have always been, it started by small changes.

Gus wardana · Answer

life never be simple my love...
cos the stone of problem will never be denied...
but sometimes the power from other side...
will rise over the mountain and the sea...

though shall be came...under the silent voice of unjudgement knowledge...
than u will be thrown to a undeniable bliss...
bless up to the sky so high like dawn of victory...

so thats the Thy power my love....
he with starred hand of faith...
will guide u through the fire and flame...
till the lake of free that u find will unleashed....unleashed...unleashed...
forever...

Charlene Liem · Answer

My Dear The MyTH..you are very poor
Life is a simple
you can't change anything if you can't change your self
Learn to love yourself but don't make you  be egoistic
Learn to love everything and every one but you must be remember to be a wisdom.
I can say to you "I Love You"

Devi cute · Answer

kata try,drbh mnjd since i tried
kt faul,jd fault
klmt but to do that,it is not
mnrt aq,kt2na sdh bgs...Tp,tdk prlu ada pnglngn kta..
o y,btw slm knl,n slm prshbtan y...

acian · Answer

wow...i'm not good at writing poems, but i think you need polishing.

puisinya masih berbunyi tulisan atau wacana, lebih ke entry diary.
kunci untuk puisi yg bagus adalah pemilihan kata yang imajinatif atau kata yg mengandung makna yg mengalusikan maksud kamu.
Kemudian tentukan juga tema dari puisi, misalnya apakah puisi kamu ttg nikmatnya hidup di pedesaan atau yg lainnya.
Misalnya: jika temanya ttg hidup, bisa kamu kaitkan dengan mother nature, atau air (sebagai sumber kehidupan), atau wanita (ibu) yg melahirkan kehidupan. Terus pilih kata2 yg berima juga.

grammar ga harus seratus persen benar dalam poem, tapi (maaf ya) grammarnya masih aga amburadul.
Tapi teruskan menulis.
They say, rome wasn't bult in a day.

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Kalo anda mengaku kritis dan pinter berbahasa Inggris!, Plis komen puisiq ini!!!

6 Answers