I need some advice...am I overreacting?

I think you are overreacting a little, and that he is significantly out of line. Buying a puppy for someone else to take care of is rude, and a huge imposition. However, crying about it is a bit of an overreaction.

I have some advice for you that I hope you take seriously. The best advice about this you could possibly get would be from dog lovers. Please copy this question and ask it again, but this time select the category Pets > Dogs. I bet you would get lots and lots of helpful tips there that would take a way a lot of your stress. Please try it.

Well I think your problem goes way beyond the issue of having a puppy or taking care of the puppy. I think the situation that you guys are in is an EXTREMELY difficult one for ANYONE!! The real problem is that you are lonely. You do not have your family nore do you have your husband. Even though you knew about his traveling job long ago doesnt mean that you knew what kind of an impact it would have on your life. The puppy will grow up and become easier to take care of. You could even probably find a teenager looking for a part time job to go by your house once per day and feed your birds and take care of your puppy while you are at work. They would probably do this for very little money (maybe) but if not then you guys are just going to have to come to some sort of an agreement. Perhaps you can get a dog pen and keep the dog outside so you dont have to take it outside on your lunch break. Just keep in mind though that your true probelm is probably not just the puppy. You are stressed for other reasons. I wouldnt say it's to the point that you should give up. I think you guys need to talk about the situation and maybe even get some family counseling. Have him take a coupld weeks off or bring up the idea of looking for a job back in your home state. Also and idea would be you take a couple weeks off and just go visit your family without him and tell him he's just going to have to make arrangements to have someone feed his puppy while your gone.

Hope you guys can come to some sort of agreement on this. Good luck

The last thing you are doing is overreacting. We have 2 cats, a puppy and a fish and we live in your typical little NY apartment, i sympathize w/you. I have had to babysit 1 parrot before i can't even fathom 7. You guys def need to have a talk. I think if you help him understand you are working just as hard for "your family" and on top of that it's like you're working a 2nd job at the same time as your first, maybe he'll get the idea, he's only home when it's relax time, he doesn't see how flustered and crazed a normal day is when he's not there and you're trying to balance everything going on while keeping your own job and that it's not fair, a marriage is about partnership and you're not feeling the 50/50 thing right now, especially while being moved so far away from your normal support system. Make him understand as opposed to taking jabs and finger pointing. Good luck!!

I think your issue may have more to do with a feeling of neglect and abandonment than the puppy. Plan a romantic dinner date, and explain how much you love and miss him, and the burden you feel when alone. No amount of money is worth an unhealthy marriage. If he could cut back even one day a week, that may help. As for the puppy...he will resent you if you demand that you find it a new home. Puppies can be sooo exhausting and time consuming. The question is are you two willing to tough out the next year until it becomes better. Also, if you haven't already...invest in a very large training crate. You can put the pup in there while you take care of some other things...and it is the single best investment you can make for potty and behavioral training. Try explaining to your husband that the dog was his choice and he needs to come up with a solution that keeps you from being the sole caregiver. Have him check into doggie daycare and dog walkers, etc. They are great tools for socialization. Good luck hon, this too shall pass.

I don't think you're over-reacting, just stressed and need to think about things for a minure. A little advice: Don't get rid of the puppy. You may not have encouraged him to get the dog but you didn't exactlly tell him not to either. So, you both need to take responsibilty and do what you can for him. Don't worry, the dog will soon be house-trained and you won't have to stay at home with him all the time, you could just put in a doggy door when he gets a little older (if you have a fenced in yard.) Until then, try asking a neighbor to take out the dog a few times during the day while your our. Kids always love the responsibilty of a new puppy and their cheap :). Pretty soon, you'll love the dog and it will make it a little easier being home alone throughout the week. But, your husband cannot come home just to take care of the new puppy.

I think in this case its not the factor of overreacting, but, I believe both of you guys aren't understanding each others feelings. You both sound tired and over worked, while you want to have time to relax, your husband wants an outlet to relax which is what the puppy is for. I think instead of just getting rid of it figure out a schedule. Maybe he can take the puppy with him sometimes and then you have it another time.

I think you both should sit down and talk things through. Tell him how you feel but be willing to listen to his side as well, do not cry, it will not get you anywhere. If you want your marriage to be strong and not let a puppy come in the way, you should try to work things out. Maybe even put some signs up around your neighborhood to see if someone could watch your puppy while your at work. I know there are tons of kids where I live who are always looking for extra cash.

Just talk things through and don't get upset no matter how stressed things seem.

No, I don't think you're overreacting at all. But you didn't choose your timing & wording wisely which is why he reacted the way he did. Basically, you all have a communication problem. He should have be WAY more considerate of your time & energy before purchasing the puppy and should have, in fact, asked your opinion. You, on the other hand, should have spoken up at the pet store to let him know you weren't on board with the decision. So you both weren't communicating. Puppies take ALOT of time & attention in the first few weeks. It can be very frustrating & draining if you're the only one taking care of it. It was completely unfair for him to basically dump this new responsibility on you without taking your opinion into consideration. Your husband's attitude STINKS. How dare he throw his job in your face as if you're sitting around eating bon bons!? You work full time too PLUS take care of the house & the pets!

If I were you, I'd be pretty steamed but I would also recognize how my own miscommunication contributed to the situation. You should call your husband & say "I'm sorry I just let loose like that. It was unfair to you but you basically bought this puppy without even stopping to think about me or how hard it is to train a new puppy. I feel like you didn't take me into consideration at all. Now, I know my mistake was not communicating to you that I didn't want the puppy in the first place so I do apologize for that. We just both need to learn how to communicate better. I'll try harder if you will. I love you but we DO need to talk about this more in depth when you get home this weekend."

Just in case you were thinking about having children with him: Let this be a wake up call. This is how he'll treat you when you have babies of your own. A puppy is a lot of work but a child is even more.

Plan better next time. You knew you'd be the one to take care of the puppy so why did you agree to get one? You should have made a scene in the pet store an explained that he is never home so he wouldn't be able to look after HIS puppy.

Talk to him when he gets home. Tell him to take his puppy with him to work or find another home for it. Seven parrots sound like enough work for you.

I wonder why you didn't speak up when he first mentioned getting a puppy. The both of you needed to have a discussion about getting a puppy before you went to a pet store, before you bought one and brought it home. You would have found out why he wants a puppy so much, and he would have found out about your feelings of unfairness regarding your caring for all the birds already and that adding a puppy to the chores/responsibilities/tasks is wearing on you. You two need to sit down and discuss things - neither one of you are mind readers. Your stressed and tired - I understand so completely. But when you say you want to leave - do you mean leave your husband and the marriage? If that's the case, then yes, you are overreacting if it's simply becuase of the puppy. Hope this helps - I am sorry you are so stressed out - hand in there, take a deep breath.

I think you are both stressed out by the situation. You guys are newlyweds and only see each other on the weekends which isn't healthy for your relationship. You are already overwhelmed and then he added a puppy to that which is pretty much the same as a newborn baby. It doesn't seem like you overreacted but you might said it a little differently, when you weren't mad for instance. He shouldn't have bought a puppy either unless you really wanted it since he isn't home to take care of it the majority of them time. I think you should wait until he gets home and try to explain to him how you are feeling about the situation. Hopefully he will understand and you guys can work this out.

This is an unusual situation.

You have been married such a short time.

From here your situation makes me wonder if your hubby is collecting trophies.

He has a new beautiful bride. a bunch of exotic birds and now a new puppy.

(in my observation of people)

Some people are "how it sounds" people and some are "how it looks" people and others are "how it feels" people.

I have known people who do one thing and say another, expecting other people to be satisfied with what has been said, even though it does Not match what has been or is being done.

On the weekend when your hubby is home I would ask him why he wants a puppy at this time, when he is not there to bond with and help train it. Does he expect you to make this puppy into the family dog he has in his head from the perfect family snapshot he has planned?

I would point out to him that he is doing the opposite of bonding with the puppy and for that matter putting all this responsibility on his new bride is having the opposite of bonding there too.

If something is not done soon you will begin to resent him for not caring about you and your lunch and for taking you for granted. And he will resent you for not being the trophy wife who quietly trains the trophy man's best friend for him to come home to after working his butt off all week.