Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because

it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the

road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue

with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I

personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience

makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! - that every

chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But

then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the

chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side

of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is

no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you

can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that

chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken

cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I

was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will

remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We

need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this

chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side

of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road.

What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking

on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is

having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So

instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which

is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just

drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe

there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the

other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because

he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent,

hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which

way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market

to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave

me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?

Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?

That's why they call it the 'other side'.

Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will

become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this

abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless

phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the

road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken

crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that

was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few

moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the

heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went

on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world

crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008,

which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important

documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part

of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never

cra#@&&^(C%..........reboot...

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the

road, or did the road move beneath the chicken ?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?