I caught my 15 year old daughter have sex, IN OUR SPA?

I'm the smallest of five siblings (two big brothers and two sisters). I have always been well behaved in that matter and so my sisters (two and nine years older than me), my mother talked to us about these things and the risks they have when we became teenagers. Talk to your son and daughter openly about this subject and don't shout, set the rules on the table peacefully so they get the message: If your son gets a girl pregnant he will have to work and be responsible like an adult for the girl and so your daughter. Believe me this worked for all of us.

No taboos. Talk to them about sex and don't tell them it's wrong. It is a wonderful love expression and so is a need humans have like going to the bathroom or eating. Don't give them the feeling that sex is wrong, otherwise they will continue to behave like this without caring about the risks. Humans have a natural tendency to have even more curiosity to do things that are wrong.

Talk to them about protection, tell your daughter about the pill and how important is that they know how their own bodies work and so the one of the opposite sex partner to know what to expect.

Tell your daughter to be always protected even if she fools around with her boyfriend without penetration, pre-ejaculate (before ejaculation) and the penile fluids that lubricate it during entire intercourse (during sexual arousment) still contain sperm and that can make her pregnant. This few people know.

Tell them how important is to wait until they meet someone they truly love. I also have a boyfriend and being young and naive I tend to believe that he's my "true love", so are your kids. I'm close to the age of your kids and know that being young these days is hard, sex promotion is everywhere and the risks are never mentioned; also there is a lot of social pressure since most of our friends are having an active sexual life, making those who are sexually inactive tend to feel "behind" of them and this is wrong. Two friends of mine who had sex already told me that it is better to wait until marriage or engagement at least. Tell them that the true love is shown and strengthens by overcoming hard life experiences as years go by; tell them how important is to respect the own body, the body is not a sex toy to be used for some time by others to then be casted away for a newer one. This hurts and no one deserves that.

Tell them about how important is to be proud of themselves and their self-esteem, this leads to responsibility. Young people inform themselves about everything related to sex and this leads to the avoidance of sleeping with anyone until a stable partner is found. Ignorance leads to precipitated action, often mistook as "manhood" or "womanhood".

Best wishes, hope this helps. You can contact me if you need anything.

Both boys committed statuatory rape. You could have their son arrested and they could have your son arrested. So, I agree that you need to be careful if you approach the other parents. Both girls are responsible as well unless the sex was against their will. If you don't take control and issue some consequences you're right about your 13 yo getting the message that he can do as he pleases. You already know that you have to draw a line and dish out consequences. Where were you when this happened? Why aren't you supervising them? Supervision is a solution and your responsibility as a parent.

Unfortunately, there is nothing really more you can do. Since her bf is only 15, you do not really have a strong enough case to press charges against him (and win).

I suggest that you just talk to them. It is the best way to get through to them. Sit down down with your daughter (and maybe her bf if you like) and just talk to them about it. Do the same with your son (and his gf). Tell them about sex and the responcibilities that comes with such a decision. Keep in mind that you children are growing up. Thats a mistake that I have seen a lot of parents make when handling children. They tend to treat them as if they are still small children. Thats when the kids get defensive and do not want to listen. Show them a certain respect and you will be shown the same.

One other thing that you should remember. All of these suggestions from these people are nice but the ultimate decision has to come from you. Do not let any of these people (including myself) influence you to do anything. You must decide the best way to handle your children.

Your kids had sex...welcome to the real world. Just because they had sex a few months before the legal age shouldn't mean you practicly disown them when they need you most. They lost their virginity, to their boyfriends at 15. Thats better than them being 14 to some boy at a party which i know alot of girls have done. The fact you wern't there for your child when she needed you most showed you being immature and ignorant. You need to step back and thing about your childrens needs. If they have sex explain to them the dangers physically, emotionally, and socially of their actions. You should have done this at your younger daughters age. You are the one who ruined your relationship between your daughter by not acting like a caring mum. Everyone makes mistakes.

I'm not exactly sure what you're mad at. Are you mad that she had sex, or are you mad that she did it under your roof? Teenagers are going to have sex, it's inevitable. I'm sure when you caught your son having sex it wasn't his first time, so maybe he lost his virginity when he was 15, or even younger, so she thought it was okay. When you caught your son having sex, you should've talked to her then, not now. As parents, we have a natural double standard with our children. The boys usually tend to get off a bit easier on this than the girls. Maybe when she saw that her brother was having sex, and he didn't get into that much trouble, that it was okay for her. Think about what you're doing as a parent (through your actions, not your words) that shows her that you condone this type of behavior. Put her on some birth control, give her condoms (and i really hope you got her emergency contraceptive) and explain to her the dangers and the risks of having sex. Don't look on her as a bad person, because she isn't. Teach her that sex comes with responsibility. Of course you want her to wait until marriage, but it's her body, and she clearly didn't make that decision.

And as for the pregnancy/not taking care of the baby thing. I know you're angry and you say things you don't mean, and I really hope this is one of those things. I really don't know what kind of a mother would abandon her daughter when she needs her most.

they all need a punishment of a kind so that they understand that it is not your cup of tea to see the going like crazed rabbits. but here it is would you rather your children be comfortable or to do this in a car or out at the woods or down a t middleton beach in albany? the problem is you are treating them like children. they think they need to be treated like adults so instead of banning them from everything make them all get jobs as well as pick up after themselves and do their own laundry and buy their own food and pay you board say $90 each per week should cover it, and if they want to fornicate well tell them there are caravan parks etc and if they really respect each other then they can wait until they are all 18 as this is the age that they should mentally be adults. think about it they need to cook for themselves and do their own dishes and be allocated to spots on your 5 acres where they are allowed to be and where not to be. by the way drain the spa and get it cleaned yuck.and ban them from using it at all.take caare now

I was guilty of this @ that age. I know tssk tssk to me. My dad didn't say or do anything until after a wound up preg. I would definitely make sure both girls are on birth control and talk to all of them (at least your 2) about safe sex. I wouldn't try to stop it because it's just going to happen anyway. You might want to talk to the other parents to see if their girls is on birth control and see if they have had "the talk". I was on DeproProvera birth control. I can't swallow pills and this is a shot every 3months. Maybe buy some condoms for the boy. Just be careful not to push to much because alot of us are "rebels" at that age.

PS. If she does end up pregnant and you don't actually help at all I guarantee she will resent you.

i agree with you on everything even the punishment. and when you said this "and she does become pregnant, I will not help" i agree with that too. because it wont be your fault if she gets pregnant, it would be her own and it should be her responsibility.

and to the people who are saying "you should have been supervising your kids" and "why didnt you know what your kids were doing"

well you just said, you have 5 kids and a big house there isnt 5 of you, and you cant watch everyone. so dont listen to those people because you can bet that they dont have kids and dont know what their talking about or how hard it is.

How was it that the kids were at your house without supervision? My 17 yr old daughter has been seeing the same boy for 1 1/2 yrs. He is now 18 (they're exactly 1 yr apart). The rules are this - no one goes anywhere without our permission, or his parents' permission. All parents know where they are at all times and most of the time, they are here with us home or at his house with his parents being at home. We didn't want her to date, but I wasn't having her sneak around - I can't stop her from liking him (and he is a great kid) - but I'm not allowing alone time until she is 18 and on her own.

Children are children and it is scientifically proven that teenagers cannot make the same kinds of choices that we adults can. It isn't possible - their brains haven't matured yet. They think they can, but telling a 15 yr old if she has a baby it's her decision is (in my view) irresponsible parenting. A 15 yr old doesn't know what she wants for her life! She hasn't got a clue! I know - I have a 17 yr old and her sisters are 15 and 13! My 17 yr old can't figure out which college/university she wants to go to, let alone which major to choose!

16 is too young to be having sex too - it is potentially emotionally devastating, not to mention the risks of pregnancy and STDs. Did you know that the AIDS virus can penetrate a condom? There is no such thing as safe sex, not 100% safe anyway. You can have abstinence until marriage and both spouses remaining faithful to one another - that's pretty much the only way.

Maybe we're old fashioned, but we teach abstinence until marriage in our home. I am my children's mom and I will protect them from anything that can harm them until they are grown - that's my God-given responsibility. I would be failing them if I was allowing sex in my home or not knowing exactly where they were and what they were doing at all times. If it took me taking them to school and picking them up everyday and keeping them home, outside of church, youthgroup, etc... I would - if I didn't trust them. It's not to late for your kids - but you have got to put your foot down or your son and daughter will be parents before they graduate.

Just saw your comment - if your house is too big to watch everyone, then kids need to quit coming over maybe. I would put the protection of mine above their need to socialize.

Both boys committed statuatory rape. You could have their son arrested and they could have your son arrested. So, I agree that you need to be careful if you approach the other parents. Both girls are responsible as well unless the sex was against their will. If you don't take control and issue some consequences you're right about your 13 yo getting the message that he can do as he pleases. You already know that you have to draw a line and dish out consequences. Where were you when this happened? Why aren't you supervising them? Supervision is a solution and your responsibility as a parent.