Adult men... please help me with this problem with sex?

You don't give a lot of detail here about the intimacy of this relationship or about what you know of his previous and/or inner life, but I'll go out on a limb anyhow and offer you a few possible things (from a 48yr old's perspective) among the *many* others that also might be going on. Fair enough?

For starters, only a man psychologically-crippled by pathological "mama's boy" problems would be willing to treat a woman the way this guy treats you unless he really, truly loved her and both valued and enjoyed her companionship. *Trust* that. I have a strong feeling here that this is the genuine article.

Just plain "hangups", though... not traumatic upbringing or life-catastrophes, but simple human stuff we all go through... can make it very difficult for many guys to express themselves intimately (including sex), just like they can for many women.

He may be insecure about problems he has (or imagines that he has) with his "middle-aged" sexual performance - simple stamina, ability to get or stay hard, penis size, lack of "sufficient" experience for a woman his own age... the list is pretty long). This is *really* normal, and if he's worried over this stuff and just not dealing with it... then some healthy, honest and comfortable communication between you can (probably will) give you both the info and the mutual trust you'll need to take your mutual sex life anywhere at all that the two of you are comfortable with.

It could be that he's been married once or more before, and that the most recent marriage ended so badly over sex-related issues (infidelity, impotence, totally mismatched bedroom expectations/preferences, or whatever) that he's just afraid of getting sexual at all.

It may be that he's got some moral hangups or social anxiety about approaching a woman and/or accepting her approach when the feelings between him and her get sexual instead of merely romantic.

It could even be that he's asexual or *gay* (or perhaps bisexual and currently just not much into women for a while) and is with you for his love of you and your love in return... I mean, *ONLY* for love, even if it doesn't include any sex. (I don't think this is very likely, but I've seen it happen, so I thought it worth mentioning).

Anyhow, these are just some broad guesses of mine and they may be totally off the mark, so please don't take them with any fewer than several handfuls of salt... but I hope it stimulates your curiosity enough that you'll be talking to your man about this stuff at a depth and a with a care for detail that (it's pretty obvious) the two of you aren't working at yet.

I'm also hoping you'll provide more dtails for everyone else here to consider... but even if that's not comfortable for you, please feel free to email me privately from my profile if I've helped and you'd like to share/hear more.

Well I am no expert by any means, but my wife has a lot of the issues you do. It is something that you need to talk to your husband about. You both need to understand where you both are coming from. Have you spoken to your doctor about this? You might have a medical condition. Marriage and sex is a challenge even for normal couples, let alone a couple that has issues. You need to talk to your doctor and your husband. There is no need to feel embarrassed about anything. Sex should be fun, I think maybe its taken way to serious at times. If your husband loves you and I am sure he does, he will work with you and do whats necessary to help your situation. Good luck and God Bless!

Some men simply have less of a sex drive than others.

Other than that, you might have to rethink the situation.

If the reason he doesn't want to have sex is really because he's a non-sexual person, then realistically, you're going to have to adjust your thinking with him.

However, it might simply be he has lost his sexual desire due to various reasons. For example, is he obese and inactive? Try looking at a fat cat, do you think Garfield is about to go out and spawn some kittens after stealing lasagna? Nope, instead kitty here is more likely to cuddle with the couch.

So, in that scenario, ideally you want to get him to exercise with you, in some shape or form that requires both of you, builds up a solid sweat, and raises his adrenaline level (Preferably after a nice large dinner involving a large number of oysters and other foods that are healthy for certain male organs).

If that still doesn't work, and you're positive that he isn't secretly masturbating, seeing another woman, or gay and in denial (ironically, half the gay men I know were once married to a woman and have had kids), then there are two possibilities:

1. He simply isn't a sexual guy

2. There is a underlying reason he doesn't want to have sex with you

For the first scenario, there isn't much you can do (assuming it is simply the case for natural reasons).

For the second scenario, there are a possible multitude of reasons, some of which you can deal with with him, some you can with a doctor, and some you simply can't.

Examples:

a) He has premature ejaculation and is ashamed about it

b) He has a STD and doesn't want to transmit it

c) He's interested in you ONLY as a friend, or views you more paternally than sexually (More common than you might think, if you're treating him like papa one moment and then trying to act like a potential sexual partner the next, unless he has a incest fetish, results in the 8-ball look poor)

d) There is a underlying physical issue, beyond a possible mental one like in a), in which case, he might be helped with a doctor, but might not be.

e) Fear - Very many varieties here... If he's a virgin, he might be afraid of sex, or if he's had bad experiences in the past (Sleeps with a woman, she loses interest), he might have developed a phobia. Besides that, sex is a change in the status quo... Even if he wants to have sex with you, he might be afraid your relationship might change by becoming true lovers.

Regardless of the reason or cause, you're going to have to readjust your thinking. Instead of "satisfying him", you're going to have to let him know he's a object of sexual desire FOR YOU, and that you want to "be satisfied" (that is, you have to be more selfish about your own sex drive).

If he still won't take one for the team (*cough*) then your only choice (if he won't talk with you or a doctor about it) is to decide if you can live without sex, without him, or with him and some "friend with benefits" or a vibrator.

PS: Good luck in getting him to steal home.

There's a good possibility that he might be asexual. It really does happen. Some people just aren't sexual beings.

Talk to him about it. If it's because sex doesn't interest him, then you guys need to have a conversation about the direction of your relationship. If it is a health concern, then you might want to have him see a doctor.

In the meantime, I'm giving you a link for AVEN, and maybe it will give you the tools and tips to help you talk to your mate if it turns out he is asexual.

Good luck. :)

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I agree with "Prof. Icy"...the disinterest may be either physiological or psychologically related....If he is willing,his health care provider should be able to offer advise...

In the meantime...Shhh..Slip 800iu of Vitamin E into his food and sprinkle the herb,"Damiana" in as well...That should put some lead in his pencil...

EDIT: Where am I, anyhow? Men's health?....How do I keep straying from the R/S forum?....

I know a few fellas in their late 30s and early 40s that have issues getting erections. Maybe he has ED and isn't ready to share that info with you yet.

I suggest asking him about this and be gentle so he will feel 'safe' talking with you about it.

ED was my first thought, but it could be one of many things so just ask him.

Even though this is the 21st century. There are still a few guys with moral values. Enjoy him and respect his feelings on the matter. When it does happen it will most likely blow your mind. Hope I helped....

Maybe he has moral objection to pre-marital sex. Some people dont treat sex lightly. He might not kiss you because he dosent want to lead you on. There is nothing wrong with him.

Has to be a low libido, babe. If he has a little weight on as well.. then it could be caused by low levels of testosterone. This can be supplemented by a test patch if his doctor thinks it appropriate. Us old guys have to use it or lose it I'm afraid. If he has given it up.. it could be too late for him... shock him into it now if a bit of grooving is your thing... get him to see the doc... or get to the bottom of the situation yourself. Attack him.. he might just be shy!