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Any tips for a long distance relationship?

My girlfriend of 3 years just got accepted to grad school in Boston and she will be there for two years. I have too good of a job to pick up and leave with her. Everyone I know, and I mean everyone, has broken up after a few months of long distance. I want this to work, any advice?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I'm in a long-distance relationship right now. We currently live within the same state about 1.5 hours apart and neither of us has a car. Next month I'm moving to France for 7 months and we're planning on staying together through that as well. This has been good practice, though.

    Enough about me! What I have learned from long-distance is that:

    1. You MUST be willing to communicate through phone and e-mail. When we have problems we have to discuss them over the phone, which presents its own set of problems. You need to have guidelines - neither of us is allowed to hang up on the other (in our minds, that's the equivalent of giving up). You need to remember that since your physical contact is minimal and body language is absent (unless you webcam or something) - you need to speak your feelings and be affectionate with your words. Since you can't hug or kiss her, you have to tell her you want to and why. You also need to know when you can and can't call each other. In general, my boyfriend and I call each other during the evening so we don't have crazy cell phone bills. We also got skype -an online service that you might look into- so we could talk during the day.

    2. You must be trusting and patient. It can be lonely and you have to remember that you will see the person again - just not right now. You have to trust her and support her having a social life away from you. She needs to do the same.

    3. It can't be a permanent separation. Obviously. If she's moving to Boston, her plans are to return to wherever you are after she graduates, right? If she wants to stay in Boston and you don't want to move, save yourself the heartache and understand that your paths won't reconverge in the future. If she will be gone for two years and you know you can spend time with each other during that time and will be reunited after that time, then stay with it.

    4. You must have a foundation for your relationship before you are separated by distance. If you have been with her for three years and see a future with this girl, don't let her go just because she'll be away temporarily. If you're together out of habit and the future isn't there, maybe this is a good time to part ways. A natural transition.

    5. You have to want it to work. You do. Make it work. Where there's a will, there's a way.

    So I have a bias, but relationships are all personal and unique. What doesn't work for others can work for you if you're both committed to it. You both have to be on the same page. You have to communicate that well since your communication will be more impersonal. Good luck!

  • 5 years ago

    1

    Source(s): #1 Ex Back Secrets : http://exback.oruty.com/?yFzt
  • 1 decade ago

    Long distance relationships will only work if both people are truly committed to making it work. Set aside time each day to talk, email/text throughout the day to let her know you're thinking of her. It's the little things that count. Since you will not see each other for a while you have to find other ways to stay connected. Also take turns in making trips out to see one another. It'll be difficult at the beginning but where there's a will there's a way. Good Luck!

    Source(s): 9 months in a long distance relationship.
  • 1 decade ago

    i am in a long distance relationship for a year and, touch wood, everything is smooth. If she is as much into it as you are, keep in touch every day or 2, discuss and remind about of how you both fell in love, those good old days, the promises made, the trust and faith you both share, your long term plans with her... plus try to meet atleast once in 6 months.

    But remember, It takes 2 to tango...

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Break up. If it's meant to be that your paths cross once again in the future, then it'll happen. For now, let her follow her dreams, and you follow yours too.

    EDIT: I don't agree with what the person above me (cd7235) said. It's not about choice. Life is too short to be making tough and unfair decisions like that. Right now, it's work and school. Later, when you're settled and ready, it still won't be too late for love.

    If you followed her to Boston, what about everything you've garnered at your current job? You'll be starting from scratch when you didn't really HAVE to. That's a waste of time, not to mention, a burden on her. And you certainly don't want to hold her back from chasing after her own stars.

    It's a small world. You'll definitely meet each other again, as competent adults (not that I'm calling ya'll children or anything. You get what I mean by that).

  • 1 decade ago

    ok listen am in a long distance relationship right now and we have ups and downs but we know that at the end of this we will be together an its worth it! if you really want it to work and you love her it will. good luck xx

  • 1 decade ago

    It can be done, you have to trust her as she has to trust you. Make trips to see each other and talk on the phone as much as you can. Long distance relationships don't always end badly, mine didn't.

    Source(s): wife of a soldier who's been gone for 2 years.
  • 1 decade ago

    keep the communication open and trust each other. before i married my husband we had an 8 years long distance relationship the secret is communication and trust same as loyalty.

  • 1 decade ago

    keep in touch as much as possible, talk often, text all the time, see each other as often as possible, dont let a day go by without a text or phone call... SHOW her how much you care, dont fuss about the phone bill, if your job is that good and money is that good then find a way to make it work to be in touch constantly, even if you get the same cell phone companies so you only have the cell phone bill to pay for. get verizon so your phones can be free to each other... and pay the one bill for her so she wont have to worry about it. good luck to you..

  • 1 decade ago

    Long distance relationships rarely work out... out of sight - out of mind.

    If you two really want it to work out, it will require travel for visits... maybe you travel to her one weekend, she travels to you another weekend, and you two meet somewhere in between on other occasions.

    Other than that, you might consider giving each other some slack with intent of picking up where you left off when she graduates and gets back to town.

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