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Ex wife is using our kids?
My ex left me after 15 years of marriage for another,the other man is not a very good role model or contributing citizen,so I refused to allow her to have custodial custody of our 3 children to protect them from the environment of drugs and alcohol related issues.I allowed her to not have to pay support,in lieu of retaining custodial custody,and she insisted she would help regardless.
She contacted the kids maybe 4 times over a period of 5 months,although she was only living a mile away.
She recently gave birth to twins and my current wife took the kids to see her and the babies in the hospital,the first time the kids seen her in about 3 mos.
Recently the ex has started picking up the kids,and she did buy them school clothes(she has gotten christmas and b day gifts),but I'm thinking the recent increase in visitation is so she can get a them to babysit.My girls won't admit that but it seems to happen frequently around the weekend.I asked the ex to take my youngest to the dentist,she made an appointment but I ended up having to take her since the ex couldn't make it,but she was available to get my daughter on friday but my daughter refused because she is mad at how her mom has done this repeatedly,but my oldest daughter(16) still went.
I'm almost to the point of not allowing them to go.I always told the ex she could get them whenever she wanted,but she seems to now be doing the last minute routine.I'm thinking of only allowing the girls to go over only after the ex talks to me or my wife first.
what do you suggest would be a good procedure.
Thanks for the answers.I don't want to go to court over it,and as some say my kids are old enough to make their own minds up,but still being kids they don't make the right choices always.
I'm not upset about the wife leaving in fact the opposite now,I just can't picture her being like this when she was an exceptional mother before.I am bitter over the fact she didn't seem to have time for them before but now she seems to.My son who is 18 doesn't even bother with her,but he isn't rude to her either,he was old enough to see things as they are,my 16 year old seems to accept things pretty well,but my youngest(13) harbors alot of abandonment issues.
5 Answers
- Mr. NoseyLv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
You didn't state the age of the kids, but I assume they are older because of the babysitting thing.....
As long as they are not in physical or emotional danger, let them figure out for themselves that she is "using them". Not allowing them to go only makes you the bad guy. I would point out to them that they are not REQUIRED to be the babysitters.
Never ever ever tear down your Ex. Your kids will make their own judgments about her and her behaviors and it will be through their own personal lens. And then they will be responsible for the feelings they develop. They will not have guilt or anguish over feeling or NOT feeling the same way you do.....
- Anonymous5 years ago
You do realize that if he's not the father, one two states allow men to discontinue child support based on non-paternity. I realize what you said, but knowing the paternity of the child is only necessary if he plans to go for custody. Only Pennsylvania allows none bio-dads to gain custody. Though he cannot stop paying child support, she can use the fact to prevent him from having custody. Of course, if she does that, and is not on welfare, than she loses any claim for child support. Such a case happened in Michigan, so the woman went after 15 years retroactive child support on the 27-year-old father. The state supreme court upheld the judgment, without comment on the fact that the woman got pregnant by an 11-year-old boy, when she was 28. As far as problems with her, he needs to be keeping a daily journal. He will find a manual at the second link below, in the file section. The first one is where you can go to see if he can tape his conversations with her, legally.
- womancloneLv 51 decade ago
Tell the court that you want the "ex" to have court mandated drug testing before she is allowed to be around the children. Also explain tell them that she is cohabiting with a suspected drub abuser and your not happy about this problem. If she or this guy really are on drugs and show up positive on drug tests you could suspend her visitations and push for full custody or at least supervised with the added specification that she must pass her court required drug testing before seeing them. That's the best advice I can offer to you.
Source(s): Me - SuzyQLv 61 decade ago
Your kids are getting to the age where you aren't going to have as much to say about when they see their mom. Especially the 16 year old. Talk to the kids and let them know that if they feel she is being unfair to them or taking advantage, they need to call her on it. I realize you want to "protect" them, but I think you are still hurt from her betrayal and the fact that she left you for someone else. You can't control everything.
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- 1 decade ago
you should set the days she can see them. if you went back to court the courts would give her every other weekend, two weeks in the summer, and every other holiday. if one of your children does not want to go see her don't force them the child has their reasons. and they may not want to share why with you. it will eventually come out why so be patience
