Is this funny or not at all?

AFFAIRS.

> >A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

> >One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house,

> >where

> >they made passionate love all afternoon.

> >Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm.

> >As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes

> >outside

> >and rub them through the grass and dirt.

> >Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove

> >home.

> >'Where have you been?' demanded his wife when he entered the house.

> >'Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my

> >secretary and we've

> >been having sex all afternoon.

> >I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock.'

> >The wife glanced down at his shoes and said,

> >'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!'

> >

> >

> >The Second Affair

> >

> >There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage

> >daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always

> >wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure

> >enough,

> >delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later.

> >The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son.

> >He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever

> >seen.

> >He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father

> >of

> >that child.

> >'Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!'

> >Then he gave her a stern look and asked,

> >'Have you been fooling around on me?'

> >The wife just smiled sweetly and said, 'Not this time!'

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >The Third Affair

> >

> >A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the

> >front door. 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

> >Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with

> >talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you to,' she whispered. 'Just

> >pretend

> >you're a statue.'

> >'What's this, honey?' the husband inquired as he entered the room. 'Oh,

> >it's

> >a statue,' she replied nonchalantly.

> >'The Smith bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for

> >us too.'

> >No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep.

> >Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen

> >and

> >returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. 'Here,' he

> >said

> >to the statue, 'eat something, I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for

> >three

> >days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.'

> >

> >

> >The Fourth Affair

> >

> >Jake was dying.

> >His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side.

> >She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.

> >Her praying roused him from his slumber.

> >He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.

> >'Becky my darling,' he whispered. 'Hush my love,' she said. 'Rest, don't

> >talk.' He was insistent. 'Becky,' he said in his tired voice, 'I have

> >something

> >that I must confess.'

> >'There's nothing to confess,' replied the weeping Becky,

> >'everything's all right, go to sleep.'

> >'No, no I must die in peace, Becky. I, I slept with your sister, your best

> >friend, her best friend and your mother!'

> >'I know, my sweet one' whispered Becky, 'let the poison work'.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >Two women were playing golf.

> >One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a

> >foursome of men playing the next hole.

> >The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together

> >at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

> >The

> >woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.

> >Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could

> >relieve

> >your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him.

> >Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man

> >replied,

> >still in pain, in the foetal position, still clasping his hands together

> >in

> >his groin.

> >But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help.

> >She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his

> >pants, and put her hands inside.

> >She began to massage him. She then asked, 'How does that feel?'

> >He replied, 'It feels absolutely wonderful... But my thumb still hurts