Need advice on a spouse that wants a baby between us, when I brought 3 with me and we have 1 we adopted.?

Question

Here are the details. She has no children of her own, but has been married twice. I have 3 biologically and share custody with ex-spouse, but 2 boys stay with me. Prior to marriage new spouse understood how I felt and that I had had a vasectomy. So, we compromised and adopted a 3 year old a year ago. Now she says the feelings have returned and the now 4 year old is interested in a younger sibling. My spouse is 34 and I am 40 and she really wants a baby of her own. I can understand the feelings and urges. She is "thinking" about it which means if she can not deal with the feelings, we will divorce so she can find a sperm donor or new husband so that she can have a bio-baby. My concern is for the ex-tented family and for our adopted daughter. I can not make up her mind for her and yes I want her happy, but seems to me she is being a little selfish and NOT seeing the big picture. I mean she did agree to marry me with a V and agree to an adopted daughter. Now after nearly 4 years, she is willing to toss it away because I do not want a 5th child, first for her biologically. We are fine financially, but I do not want any more babies.  I told her I am even willing to adopt again, just not a baby. I did that 3 times and got a v, so no more for me. No more crying, diapers, late nights, etc. Help. Thanks in advance.

? · Accepted Answer

I don't think you can truly understand her feelings and urges.  This may very well be an underground deal breaker.  You can't look at this logically, or from the viewpoint of having room for more children, or your convenience, it goes very very deep.  Just take a very good look round at all the hundreds of new couples with children from previous marriages who ALL decide to have yet another child to cement the relationship.

I think you'll have to give in, or break up.

grammie · Answer

Who is being selfish? You say you had the babies , diapers, late nights etc. She hasn't and that is what she wants a baby of her own, she is only 34 and you all so say that money isn't the problem. If she is willing to have 5 kids and wanting to change diapers, late nught feedings crying so be it. You married for better or worse not so you can have your children that don't need diapers or late night feedings. Maybe you shouldn't have married a younger women. Did you really think that she wouldn't want a child of her own? And she was married twice before, with no kids? And I'm sure your adopted daughter wants a little brother or sister. Or are you really upset that she'll have to be inseminated by someone else's sperm?  So she is being selfish for wanting a bigger family and her own ( bio) baby.? You are being selfish, and taking her feelings into consideration.   EDIT:  Vegan  he didn't say anthing about reversing his V. He doesn't want any babys, period. Too much work, crying, diapers, late night feedings. Selfish!!!!

drc457 · Answer

She wants a baby of her own between you &her.  You say she's selfish for wanting a baby. You're being selfish here not her. You are only thinking of yourself. You summed in your ending. You have your 3 and don't want to do father things for a new baby. You're lucky she put up with you for this long

granny · Answer

Yes women have a time limit on having children and some women can't have children at all. Reality is your wife can't have children by her choice when she married you, her decision. If you indulge her every whim , where will it stop. She would be better off getting counseling now or this won't be your last threat with divorce.

♥ † ♠ ♣ MORECOWBELL · Answer

don't get a divorce because of this..  you two need to come to a compromise. you don't need to divorce because she wants one you just lay down the rules that  you won't do the diapers or late nights.. she is the one that wants it so she gets to deal with the early years. if she agrees then go for it.. tell her too she has to still help out a ton with the other kids too

Vegan · Answer

That's  a tough one.   You might luck out though, she's 34 and may not be fertile anymore (if at all.)      If she hasn't been fertility tested then you could do that.      Your problem might take care of itself if it turns out she can't have children anyway.


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It seems lik the other answerers don't know what a vasectomy is.   They're not always or even easily reversible.

mum · Answer

it can be such an incredibly strong urge for a woman, like being horny is for a man, but all the time! can you imagine if you had no way to release your feeling?

Anonymous · Answer

i think you are the one who is selfish.every women wants their own child...
you will agree to adpot but dont want to give your wife a chance to have her own?duh?

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Need advice on a spouse that wants a baby between us, when I brought 3 with me and we have 1 we adopted.?

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