Jokes for you...........???? Please give me stars as well....?

One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage. She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, jonny?

"Milk!" answered Little Johnny.

"No, I`m sorry. That`s the wrong answer. Roses drink water," explained the teacher.

"Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn`t know the stem was that long!"

----------------------

A young girl in her school uniform is walking down the street, on the way home from school, when a teenage boy says, "Hey girl, I`ll give you Rs 100 to climb up that tree."

The young girl agrees, climbs the tree, and collects her reward. When she gets home she tells her mother about the hundred rupes she recieved for climbing the tree.

Her mother replies by saying, "Never, ever, climb that tree again, that boy just wants to look at your panties."

The young girl promises she will never climb the tree again.

The next day on the way to school the young girl runs into the boy again, and this time he offers her five hunred.

She thinks a moment, and agrees. She climbs the tree and collects her money. When she gets home she brags to her mother about the five hundred she recieved just for climbing that tree.

Once again her mother tells her never to climb the tree again, for the boy only wants to see her panties.

The young girl responds, "Haha, I fooled him, I didn`t wear any!"

--------------------------------------

A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.

"1. Open your fly.

2. Take out your equipment.

3. Pull back the skin

4. Do your business.

5. Let the skin forward.

6. Stow your equipment.

7. Close your fly."

She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the outhouse door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7."

She was pleased with his progress until that day when she passed the bathroom door and heard, "3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5."

------------------------------------

The naughty, Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"

"But Dad, it was not my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That`s when she hit me!"

"Johnny," the father said. "You don`t do those kind of things to women."

The very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny`s father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"

"But Dad," Johnny said, "It was not my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn`t like this, so I pushed it back in!"

-----------------------

A teacher was helping her students with a math problem. She recited the following story: "There are three birds sitting on a wire. A hunter shoots one of the birds. How many birds are left on the wire?"

A boy pauses. "None," he replied thoughtfully.

"No, no, no, let`s try again," the teacher says patiently.

She holds up three fingers. "There are three birds sitting on a wire. A hunter shoots one," she puts down one finger, "how many birds are left on the wire?"

"None!" the boy says with authority.

The teacher sighs. "Tell me how you came up with that."

"It`s simple," says the boy, "after the gunman shot one bird, he scared the other two away."

"Well," she says, "it`s not technically correct, but I like the way you think."

"Okay," chimes the boy, "now let me ask you a question. There are three women sitting on a bench eating popsicles. One woman is licking the popsicle, one woman is biting the popsicle, and one is sucking the popsicle. Which one is married?" he asked.

The teacher looked at the boy`s angelic face and she writhed in agony, turning three shades of red. "C`mon," the boy said impatiently, "One is licking the popsicle, one is biting and one is sucking. Which one is married?"

"Well," she gulped and in a barely audible whisper replied, "the one who`s sucking?"

"No," he says with surprise, "the one with the wedding ring on. But I like the way you think!"