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How should I deal with my ex?
We broke up over 5 months ago, but she still lives nearby, and is still friends with me and my roommate, so she's over from time to time whether I invite her or not. The problem is that I'm still her go-to person if she's having trouble. She likes to unload on me because generally I'm a good person to unload on... except she's my ex. When I started dating her, she made me promise that in the event of a break-up we would still be friends, and to go back on that would require me to swallow my pride, which is not something I enjoy doing. I'm alright being friends with her as long as she doesn't unload on me, but if I were to say something like, "we can hang out, and that's all well and good, but I can't help you with your problems" I would feel like a terrible person, and I don't know that I could even consider that a friendship. I've done the whole unavailable thing, and she eventually starts getting bitter about the fact that I don't call her, so it's not an ideal solution. My question is, how can I be her friend, but not get caught up in her personal issues?
I don't know, I'm definitely going to be making myself unavailable for awhile now that she's come up with new problems, but I kind of think it's a tragedy that we started dating in the first place, because we were good friends in the beginning. Of course, she was really only interested in hanging out that much because she decided I was hot, but...
I wish it were as simple as that, but if I burn this bridge, it will make it awkward for both of us whenever she's over visiting my roommate, and it will just cause more drama in my group of friends, which threatens to spill over into my new friends because the connections are there. I'm not sure there really is an answer, other than to just keep doing what I've been doing and pray for the best.
3 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Oh man... I've had this happen to me. But it was completely different mine was with a guy lol.
So, hopefully you know by now, that us girls never and I mean NEVER have enough. She probably still has feelings for you but is trying to keep it "friends" and try to get used to it, and actually sometimes I think we use the blame game too much, where we make a guy be mean to us, so that we get mad and have a reason to let them go. We blame guys for pretty much everything, even though the guilt eats us alive, it's one of the only ways that help us cope with pain. I think if you are really just sick of her guts, just tell her you feel like it just isn't working. But don't be harsh. Seriously have a good talk with her. Touching her hand a few times, and a apologize about it about twice. I feel bad for your pride, but hey if you really risk it, you have a pretty good chance to get her off your back. Just try a sensitive approach. Tell her you just really don't feel confortable with her being around you and that you don' t want it to get out of hand. You'll figure it out as you go. You're a good guy!!!
Good luck!
- ?Lv 51 decade ago
That's simple you can't be friends. Break ups are messy but friendship usually dosen't work after you you've been involved in a relationship, and usually for good reasons. It sounds good at the beginning of relationships but it's not realistic for you to be bound to that agreement.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
just let her know! you guys are not togeter now, so she has her problems and you have yours, let her know that you can't help her with everything, and she's grown she can figure things out herself! and to leave your *** alone!