Just don't answer this if you think I'm stupid. Do you think I may have a mental illness? If so, what one?

Question

I'm going to the doctors sometime soon to get them to sign off something so I can get covered pay for my counselling. But my boyfriend said they'll assess me?

I know I have problems, I have since I was little and I know this isn't really the place to discuss them, but I just need to know. I'm like scared because I have no idea how to deal with any of this and it's so hard.

DON'T READ THIS IF YOU THINK I'M STUPID, ETC.
If you comment me with bullshit, I'll report you.

I was sexually abused from the ages of 5 till around 12 by 3 different people, all guys and 2 were my nephews. 1 of my nephews is about 6 years younger than me, so nobody would guess. Yeah, my nephew was 6 when he did it, but ugh.. Anyway, nobody knows anything about any of these.

From the age of around 8 I started self harming, I used to burn myself, pick at my skin, pull out my hair, swallowing poisons to make myself vomit, etc.

I've been bullied most of my life, mainly about my sexuality? From a very young age I realised I liked girls and everyone kind of found out, and I hard hardly any friends for this. Lots of people really didn't like me and used to tease me about being fat and for ages I was fine with it, until I reached intermediate when I was 11/12? I'm not sure how old. I started cutting down on food and constantly on the go to lose weight. I eventually got down to eating only a mouthful of food a day at dinner time after school. I'd pass out when I got home from the pain and exhaustion. My mother found out just after I turned 13 that I wasn't eating as much as usual but she never noticed the weight loss. So she made people sit with me whenever I had to eat and I wasn't allowed to eat. I started overeating really badly about 10 months ago, so bad that I put around 30kilos on. It's coming off now with the gym, but I still find it so hard.

I got told the other day I was kinda mute for a while. I wouldn't ever talk to anybody except saying a few words. Like hi, bye, yes, no, etc.

After then I started cutting, and still up to this very day I do. I'm in an almost constant depressed mood, sometimes feeling empty but then sometimes I go extremely high. When I was 14 and a half, my sister and best friend died from Ovarian cancer. I tried to kill myself overdosing on paracetamol but nothing worked. So nobody knew about this either. I developed an addiction to pain killers which I had up until I was almost 17, where I was taking about 15 a day. My insides are pretty screwed from what I've done to myself. I've tried doing it again with codeine, but it's like I can't? All I end up doing is in the toilet vomiting my guts up. I try a lot but I can get to a certain number of pills and I just vomit. I would have tried by something else, but I'm not sure why I haven't. My boyfriend seems to be the only one who cares in me and he gave me the thing back I lost when my sister died but I still feel like a fat pig.

Also with the cuts, when they're healing, I pick at them and make them bleed again. 

I used to rely on alcohol and drugs everyday to get me through, and I kind of abused it I guess. I used to be high all day everyday for about 2 straight years. I used to be so intelligent and I'd be such a good student and everything, now I can hardly remember anything and I don't know much anymore. I don't even remember how to spell most things I used to know. Eg - I was 3 years above my maths/english level, now I'm just at average.

I constantly find myself talking to myself and sometimes, in different voices? People think I may have schizophrenia, but it's not like I really hear voices. I kind of do in a way and I used to when I would starve myself, but it wasn't like a "go kill everybody" voice. It was more or less my conscience telling me not to eat. 

I'm so ashamed with everything and I feel like such a failure. I dropped out of school because it was causing me to lose it.

Everything gets to the stage where I feel like taking a knife to people and stabbing them. I've come close to it with my foster mum, but I just used to hit her instead. I'm always incredibly stressed to the point where I can't stop crying and then the only way I cope is to cut and then I feel so much better and stop crying.

So anybody who has read this. Do you think I have a mental illness? and if so, what one?

Keep in mind, my biological mother has bipolar, and my father has something but I'm not too sure. I'm fostered and my father lives in Australia for things to do with jail, so yeah.

Heck, I may not even have one. I mean I'd be stupid if I didn't think there was something wrong with me, cause I know there is. Hense why I'm trying to get help and why I'm asking about this, to see what I'm in for. I'm just so scared to talk to the doctors. There's rarely anybody in my life who knows about this stuff, so I'd just like to keep it anonymous and things so nobody else knows if they read this.

If you've read this and are able to give me a pro

Iridescent Leuko · Accepted Answer

You want a theory about what is wrong with you, so I'm going to give you one.

I think you probably have borderline personality disorder with a touch of post-traumatic stress and depression.

The self-harm in various ways, anger, moodiness, drug and alcohol abuse, repeated half-hearted attempts at suicide -- all point in the direction of you being borderline.  People who are borderline tend to end up suffer also from depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, and/or drug/alcohol abuse on top of being borderline.. 

I'm going to source you to Wikipedia's borderline description.  It's actually a really good description of the disorder and I think you would benefit from knowing it exists, reading a good description of it, and knowing that you're not alone.

I am sorry you went through all you have gone through.  

Don't let the doctors push you around - they'll probably try to.  Someone like you would probably benefit from some hardcore long-term really good therapy.. not being drugged up to the point of zombie-ness.

And yes, when you go to the doctor they will assess you.  You'll probably take a written test with Yes/No Agree/Disagree or Agree to this level Disagree to this level etc. psychological exam that will hopefully determine what is probably "wrong" with you.  Then the doctor will refer you to get therapy and probably give you a prescription for some sort of medicine.  My only tip about medicine -- Don't let them give you trazodone (since you are having issues sleeping lately they might) unless you want to be knocked out half of the time.

Good luck with all of this.  I hope you get approved to get help and get feeling better soon.

? · Answer

well admitting you have a problem is KEY and your real parents have mental health issues is KEY so yes you have a lot of things happening first off you can report the abuse , and you can write this in a book and this  will help you deal , self mutilation is all from this abuse and you add the drug abuse you have a  bipolar chemical imbalance for sure,  you can try st johnswort at walmart for you antidepressant  stop drinking caffeine  stop smoking doing drugs  try drinking boost drinks high vit drinks  to naturally build your body back up if your serious about getting healthy again  , once you can get your outlook on life iin order you can be a great asset to others less fortunate as you ,  yes there are some still crying for help and answers and you can be that person to help others  been there done that , your future  could be wonderful  your caring and compassionate and that makes a great friend and confident  so make your future work for you 
GOD LOVES YOU  no matter what you decide  
we are here for you

Anonymous · Answer

Hi Angel,  I guess the first thing to do is get a diagnosis.  But if it were me, I'd pray before going to any doctor, and keep praying.  God can deliver you from all of this without medication but it takes faith.

God loves you very much and want to help you and give you an abundant life.  He will heal you if you believe in him and trust him completely I believe.  Just surrender all to him and ask him to come inot your life and be your Savior.  Ask forgiveness for all negative feelings and thoughts and words that would harm others.  I realize you feel like the victim and I definitely felt victimized also for many years.  There are three verses that should help you.  I hope you don't mind me quoting Scripture.  I realize some people get mad, but I will pray for you and you need to believe and take a step of faith.

Jesus said, "Behold I stand at the door (of your heart) and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him and he with me."  Revelation 3:20

Jesus also said:  "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life."  John 3:16

As many as received him, to them gave he power to become children of God, even to them that believe on his name.  John 1:12

If any man (or woman or child) be in Christ, he is a new creation.  Old things are passed away; behold, all things become new.  II Corinthians 5:17

If you have a Bible and want to study this subject and what will help you, look up:
Ephesians 2:8-10, 6:10-18,
Romans 3:23, 5:8, 6:23, 12:1-2
Acts 3:19, I John (the whole 5 chapters).

Ps. 1, 27, 23, 57, 91, 130, etc.
God bless you.

Anonymous · Answer

If you think you have a mental illness, you need to see a psychiatrist. Nobody on the internet will be able to diagnose you, as you would need to be monitored for a period of time in order to determine exactly is wrong. Good luck.

Ashlerz[: · Answer

I'm so sorry I'm not sure what ya have but please stop cutting it will be hard I know it will be. But please stop. If god didn't want you on the earth he would have made sure you were never born. God has a plan, purpose, and life structure planned out for you. Your not a piece of trash your a prized possession, and I bet your not fat, so eat!!  I am certain that god never planned for you to be cutting your self. Those voices your "hearing" those are demon's  Lying, Manipulative, spirit's, he needs to leave immediately!! If you want them to leave just cry out to god telling them in blood of Jesus Christ to leave immediately and report to the footstool of god, he control's all things and will take care of them personally! You might have Bipolar...doubt it but is possible. contact a doctor and get help! and Pray to god. He is not some fake god that someone made up he is real and is my savior if your not already saved. I urge you to ask him into your heart you will never regret it. If you ever need anyone to talk to you can yahoo me at anytime. or you can talk to god, he is a great listener haha....And at times it may seem like he won't respond but he does you just have to listen...

                                     Hope this helps!! 
                                         -Ashley

NIkki · Answer

WOW! I am not a psychiatrist but my guess it could be a combination post traumatic stress disorder and depression . The psychiatrist will asses you and more than likely suggest therapy and some sort of medication. All you have to do is tell your doctor that you would like a referral to see a psychiatrist and they will send the insurance company something that okays it so they can cover you.

KAZ K · Answer

Hi Darl,
first try the mental health team, they will assess you and then help get you into counselling to resolve issues that you might not be dealing with. have you got a mental illness? I am not qualified to answer that, but counselling and time will help you deal with anything, and one more thing, I believe there are no stupid questions, only people that perceive them that way.
Good luck

Julia · Answer

Whatever your boyfriend is telling you to try to talk you out of going to the doctor - don't listen to it. PLEASE get to your doctor ASAP. You need a referral so that you can be seen by a mental health professional as quickly as possible. You have been through so much - a mental health professional will be able to prescribe a combination of medicine and therapy that will help you get to a better place. Good Luck - my thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Chris H · Answer

I trust that this isn't a joke.  

Please talk to someone you trust.  Please.  I know how it feels to hurt inside.  I know it very well.  I do not know you and you do not know me, but you need to trust me.  Please talk to someone you can trust.  If you can't do that, go to the phone and call 911.  Let them help you and they will.

Michael N · Answer

You definitely need to be assessed.

Trending News

Just don't answer this if you think I'm stupid. Do you think I may have a mental illness? If so, what one?

10 Answers