I just got married and my new husbands daughter came to the wedding and guest, and no gift. Isn"t this rude?

Definitely RUDE!! How could you not give a gift to your father and his new bride! Shows just how thoughtless people can be!

It's rude, but it happens. There were two couples at our wedding who didn't give a gift. It's not that I'm scrounging for gifts, or expect people to "cover their plates", but it is common courtesy to acknowledge an event like a wedding with at least a token gift.

One of the people is a college student, so I know she doesn't have any spare money, but a card would have been nice, and she scrounged around to find a date (the guy she brought was a casual date, not a serious boyfriend): she could have come alone and brought a $1 greeting card (I noticed she was wearing a new dress and new shoes). The other couple was similar: he waited until the last minute to "find" a date (again, a very casual relationship), never RSVP'd, and didn't bring any kind of gift or card. He's not in college, has a job, and lives with his dad, so he could have afforded at least a token gift. Both of these guests were family, so it hurt a little, too. I know how you feel.

People are under no obligation to give a gift. A gift is just that, given of free will. We had a few people come to our wedding without a gift and we didn't get all bent out of shape over it.

Perhaps she thought that as a family member, she could get away with bringing an uninvited guest. You didn't say how old she is, but it seems to me that younger people these days are not as conscious of the rules of etiquette.

My advice to you is to just let it go. She is a part of your family now and you will want to do whatever it takes to keep the peace. Don't make your husband play a tug-of-war between his daughter and his new wife.

I see it from a few different perspectives: First how old is she? In her 20's? Perhaps being that it is her father's wedding she may have felt it would be okay with him for her to bring a guest, like a boyfriend or a good friend. In fact, usually it is expected that the (adult) children would usually be married so would you have felt differently if it was her spouse? Sure she should have asked dad if he minded, but how close is she with dad? Maybe if they are not close, she felt she needed someone to hang out with so she didn't feel awkward at her dad's wedding. Maybe this guest is a steady, maybe they are closer, who knows..

Regarding a gift, again, depending on how close she is with dad, maybe she didn't feel she needed to give dad a gift. Some kids (adults kids too) feel weird buying gifts for their parents, maybe she was not brought up to be giving. (that would be a dad issue). Maybe being a second marriage she didn't know the etiquette of gift giving, or this was a first for her.

If I was you, just send a card and say "Thanks for sharing in our special day".

After all, when you get married (especially a second) and you have a wedding with guests, you are inviting them to share in your day, not for the new toaster.

Wouldn't you have been more hurt if she didn't come at all?

She is now a part of your family and someday will have her own wedding, enjoy your new hubby and all the joys of an extended family because eventually if you are angry it will cause a rift between you and dad..

First off you are being a bit materialistic don't you think...I mean really EXPECTING a gift. But on the other hand when it comes to manners yes she should have brought something even if it was just a card with a gift certificate would have sufficed.

Second she should not have brought a "friend" to the wedding without consulting you or your husband first, family or not. To take such liberties is really quite rude.

You also don't mention if you or your husband asked her if she was going to be bringing a guest. If you did and she said no and then shows up with one anyways that is rude and unfeeling, but if you didn't ask then you are partly to blame.

At this point there is really nothing you can do or should do, but in future reference make sure that all invitations are marked RSVP and make sure all family members respond as such.

She is under no obligation to bring a gift. And if you invited her to bring a guest, you shouldn't be upset at her for bringing a guest.

If you want to have a good relationship with your stepdaughter, you won't start it off by being angry with her about this. Let it go. Focus on the big picture.

No, gifts aren't a requirement at a wedding. However, of course most guests choose to bring them.

C'est la vie!

Well, in my experience gifts usually aren't given at the wedding. There is always so much chaos that it is better to wait until after to see what they still need or if they had a shower do it then. It could also be that since it was his child she just didn't think it mattered that much. It's her daddy and she just went to his wedding and brought a friend. I wouldn't let it bother you too much...You went into a ready made family and there are going to be tons of disagreements. I really wouldn't let this be the start of them. Enjoy your new husband and just put it behind you.

Etiquette states you have one year from attending the wedding to give a gift. It is also possible that she is waiting until Christmas to give you guys something bigger then what she could have afforded with just a wedding gift.

Just be aware that you are talking about your husband's daughter, your step daughter. Is it REALLY worth making an issue over this? You should be glad that she came to the wedding at all if this is what she is dealing with. I imagine if you are making an issue about this, that there have been many other issues that have come up. She was there to support the marriage - I would think that alone would be enough!

Give it up and try to establish a nice relationship with your now family. Don't turn your husband away from his daughter by making this into an issue. Enjoy your marriage and your family, that's really what it is all about, not a monetary gift.

At least she showed up. Maybe she didn't have the money to buy a gift. So what?

Is it all about how many gifts you get? Or did you want the people to come to see the wedding and wish you well?