Ok I need funny jokes?

Cowboy walks into the bar

A cowboy walks into a bar and after two steps in, he realizes it's a gay Bar.

What the heck,' he says to himself, 'I really want a drink.'

When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, 'What's the name of your manhood?'

The cowboy says, 'Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a Drink.'

The gay waiter says, 'I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you Tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the Slogan 'Just Do It.'

That guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because 'It Really Satisfies.'

The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over.

So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, 'Hey bud, what's the name of yours?'

The man looks back and says with a smile, 'TIMEX.'

The thirsty cowboy asks, 'Why Timex?'

The fella proudly replies, 'Cause it takes a lickin and keeps on Tickin!'

A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fella's on his right, who Happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, 'So, what do you guys call yours?'

The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, 'FORD, because 'Quality is Job One'.' Then he adds, 'Have you driven a Ford lately?' The guy next to him then says, 'I call mine CHEVY.....'Like a Rock!'... And gives a wink!

Even more shaken, the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his manhood.

Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims,'The name of my willy is SECRET. Now give me a beer.'

The bartender begins to pour the cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, 'Why Secret?'

The cowboy says, 'Because it's' STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!!!

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the Pearly Gates, petted her on the head and said, "You have been a good cat for these 40 years. Anything that you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought for a minute and replied, "All my life I have lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on." God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge, fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident, and they all went to heaven together. God met them at the gates of Heaven with the same offer He made to the cat. The mice said, "Well, all our lives we've had to run from dogs, cats and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates, we'd never have to run again." God said, "It is done!" All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything okay? How you been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh, I've never been so happy in my life! My pillow is so fluffy, and those little meals-on-wheels you've been sending over here are delicious!

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A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather head is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax...

OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Business class yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

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A man with a bald head and a wooden leg has been invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note.

"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate."

The man thinks this is a terrible idea because they have just emphasised his wooden leg, so he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel with a note.

"Dear Sir, sorry about our previous suggestion. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and with your bald head you will really look the part."

Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasising his wooden leg to his bald head, so he writes an extremely rude letter of complaint. The next day he receives a small parcel with a note inside.

"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a tin of golden syrup. Pour the tin of golden syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your **** and go as a toffee apple

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Men, and sometimes women, notice that their hair is thinning prematurely for several different reasons. Age, menopause, pregnancy, genetics, illness, and other factors all play a role in hair loss.

Sure, you can use drugs or you can go in for a hair transplant or fusion, but sometimes the easiest, most inexpensive solution, is to try to stop hair loss naturally.

she was so blond she sold her car for gas money

she was so blond she missed the 44 bus so she went on the 22 bus twice

a blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse. “What does it look like?” she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, It’s square and it has your picture on it.”

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

“Here it is,” she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, ” Okay, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop

a cowboy rides into town,stark naked,jumps off his horse in front of the sheriff who says "what are doing coming into town like that?"

the cowboy says "Well i was in the local brothel,over the saloon and the woman undressed herself,and then undressed me and said"Well go to town cowboy,and here i am!"

haha my brother just told me one and I couldn't stop laughing

"Just think - if the Indians had given the Pilgrim fathers a donkey instead of a turkey, we all would be having a piece of *** for Thanksgiving."

What do you get when you cross a jalapeño, a steam shovel, and a dachshund?

a hot diggety dog!

how can you tell when a politician is lying?

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when his lips are moving :)