Yahoo Answers is shutting down on May 4th, 2021 (Eastern Time) and beginning April 20th, 2021 (Eastern Time) the Yahoo Answers website will be in read-only mode. There will be no changes to other Yahoo properties or services, or your Yahoo account. You can find more information about the Yahoo Answers shutdown and how to download your data on this help page.
Trending News
what do you think for this random section?
i started writing again, i want your opinion on it, personally think it needs more work, but here you go!
I felt the duck tape press upon my lips. Only muffled sounds escaping through its barriers.
I didn’t know were I was; I could only see the darkness creeping closer. It had to be daylight. I could feel the presence of light slipping through the cracks of this abandon shed. I won’t be dodging death once more, but I’ll be inviting it into my heart. Into a body, that accepted its fate. I felt weak; my arms contained no strength to go on. My wrists, thighs, and feet were attached to a padded wall. I looked around my surroundings; cobwebs dangled from the corners. Its silk shined when the light penetrated its surface, many broken jars on a near by self. I couldn’t see it well, but it seemed like human remains. Small pieces of fingers, toes, ears, and eyes incased in broken containers. Dust formed on its exterior, I noticed the dried blood spattered all over the wall. Many gardening and medical tools scattered over an old table. I smelled the strong pungent smell of decaying bodies. The idea of tolerating death soon slipped my mind. I needed to get out of this hell. My muscles flexed, attempting to brake through the rope, but it was a useless cause. I felt a cold breeze slip through the cracks, and hit my body. I trembled from the arctic temperature. For the first time I noticed I was nude. My lean and well-formed muscles contracted and loosened. I felt my bare thighs rub together. I seemed to be starved; my ribs broke through my peach skin. I breathed heavily; my abs rising and retracting. My circumcised penis lay on a patch of blond pubic hair, were it belonged-thank god. My heart skipped a beat, momentarily stunned, forgetting all my thoughts. I heard hallow footsteps slither closer, but there was no entrance, door, or window to enter from. I heard it once more, but from below. I heard latches and locks open. I knew I would meet my killer, my rapist, whoever it may be. I took a deep breathe and prepared for the worse.
thanks for your opinion
yeah it does seem like its missing something
well didn't you just make my day!
it was intended for humor
4 Answers
- AlyLv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
That's all very nice, but how does that character FEEL? You give us the exact situation, you describe everything, but what is going on in this character's head? Put yourself in his situation. You're scared out of your mind, dead remains are everywhere, and you're probably going to die painfully. Now, are you really going to be noting the color of your pubic hair at such a time? Chances are, you're going to be going crazy. In this excerpt, the narrator talks about human remains and blood as if it were the weather. Show us more emotion.
My other advice is that you seem to want to fit all your character information in this little paragraph. I'm guessing that's why you mentioned that he was circumcised and his pubic hair was blond (a sentence which honestly doesn't fit very well with the rest of the story. However, it was very funny). The readers don't need to know EVERYTHING about the character, especially all at once.
Finally, this paragraph is a little dull. I think that if you add more emotion (like, um, I don't know....TERROR, maybe?!) the story will get more exciting, but be wary of it. Readers want excitement.
It's an interesting start, though, and it's potentially one of the better stories I've seen on Y!A. Good job, and good luck writing!
PS- In the second to last sentence, change 'whoever' to 'whomever'.
PPS- Email me if you ever post more of your story on Y!A. I'd really love to read some more. You've interested me.
PPPS- How does he know he's in a shed if he just said he had no idea where he was?
- Anonymous5 years ago
It's A Suiting Name
- 1 decade ago
Wow sounds good. If it wasn't for your talking about your penis or the picture on your avatar I never would have guessed your gender. That is a good thing. Most likely this will catch the attention of both males and females. I agree it is a little rusty here and there. It seems like it is missing something. But I don't know what. You know? It seems like a lot is happening so suddenly. But I guess that is just because of your good description. Sounds mysterious.