Someone Tell Me Something Funny :D?

yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said one at a time, please. (i love that one)

yo mama so dumb she opened the microwave when the doorbell rang

a blonde, a red head, and a brunette have escaped from jail. they hide in a growcery store. the blonde hides behind a potato sack, the red hides behind cat food, and the brunette hides behind dog food. the police see each bag move, and poke the cat food bag, and the redhead says meow, meow. they think its a cat. they poke the dog food bag, and the brunette says ruff ruff! they think its a dog. when they come to the potato sack, the blonde says potato potato!

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any

item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor #31,456,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

i'm so old they have cancelled my blood type. Bob desire As you become older 3 issues ensue. the 1st is your memory is going, and that i can't bear in mind the different 2... Sir Norman information you comprehend you're getting fats once you are able to pinch an inch on your brow. John Mendoza people say that age is in elementary terms a strategies set. I say it rather is greater with regard to the state of your physique. Geoffrey Parfitt

yo mama's teeth so crooked when she smiles it looks like she throwing up gang signs

yo mama's so stupid she got stabbed in a shootout

yo mama's so stupid she got run over by a parked car

yo mama's so stupid she threw a rock at the ground and missed

yo mama's so stupid she put paper on the tv and called it paper view

i float like a butterfly sting like a bee i slept with your mama now it burns when i pee

a guy walks into a doctors office and says "umm....... excuse me doctor i got a problem can you check it out for me? but plz dont laugh." the doctor says "in my 20 yrs as working as a doctor i have never laughed at one of my patients" so the man pulls down his pants and reveals a penis smaller than a AA battery. the doctor starts laughing immediatley and stops suddenly then asks "whats the prob?"

the man replys "its swollen"

Yo momma armpits so hairy looks like she got Buckwheat in a headlock!

Yo mama eats so much, if she died it would end world hunger.

Yo momma house so small her washcloth makes wall-to-wall carpeting.

Yo momma house so small the doormat just says "WEL"

Yo momma like Betty Crocker icing: Always ready to spread.

Yo mama is so fat, she stepped on Wal-Mart, tripped on Kmart and landed on Target.

Yo momma like Chinese food: Sweet sour and cheap!

Yo momma like Crazy Eddie: She's practically giving it all away.

Yo momma like a 7-11. On every corner and always open.

Yo momma like a 7-UP: Never had it never will.

Yo mama's so fat, after she got off the carousel, the horse limped for a week.

Yo momma like a Christmas tree: Everybody hangs balls on her.

Yo mama's so stupid, when the judge said "Order in the court," she said "I'll have a hamburger and a Coke."

Yo momma like a Denny's: Open 24 hours.

Yo momma like a Toyota: "Oh what a feelin'!"

Yo momma like a birthday cake: Everybody gets a piece

Billy was a 1st grade student and he asked his teacher to go to the bathroom. She said he could go if he recited the alphabet so he said " a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z" When the teacher asked him what happened to the the p, he replies "Its running down my leg"

Ok,I don't know if you'll like them,but here:

Daughter:Mom,look at my drawing

Mom:Wow! my daughter is so good in drawing a monkey

Daughter:But mom,that's you

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In a wedding........

Boy:Did you see the bride? she's so ugly!!!!

Person:Don't talk like that she's my daughter!!!!!

Boy:Why? are you her dad?

Person:No!!!! I'm her mom

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Wife:Honey,what's your gift 4 me on our 25th anniversary?

Husband:A trip to Africa

Wife:Wow!!! you're so sweet,what about our 50th anniversary?

Husband:I'll fetch you there

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The man caught her wife having s*x with their neighbor,so the man shot their neighbor then Dead,then the wife said "if you don't change your manners,all of our neighbors will die"

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Hunchback:All of them are calling me Hunchback,I'm gonna practice my Karate!!!!!!

5 months later.......

Friend:Wow,you're so good in Karate,do they still call you hunchback?

Hunchback:No,they call me "ninja turtle"

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2 persons with a relationship was talking in the "woods" (forest)

Girl:Hon,what's your zodiac sign?

Guy:(Thinking because he's stupid)

Boy:What about yours?

Girl:Cancer

Boy:Me? Ulcer

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Police1:Hey,do you know what the news is?

Police2:No,what?

Police1:There's a gay in our camp

Police2:Really,who?

Police1:Give me a kiss 1st

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Little:Mom,I'm pregnant

Mom:You're not

Little:I'm gonna puke

Mom:You're not pregnant

Little:I want something sour

Mom:You stupid little!!!!!!!! do you want me to hit your balls??

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Nicole:I was raped in the library!!!!!!!

Judge:What?? there's so many people in the library,you didn't shout??

Nicole:No,I didn't because it says there: "SILENCE PLEASE"

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Juan:Hey,I bought a hearing aid,I can hear very well now!!!!!!!

John:Really,how much is it?

Juan:I just bought it yesterday

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Why do people like sleeping?

because it's the only way we can escape harshness of life

Sadly,we still have to wake up

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Girl:Sir is so handsome!!!!!! what should I do to make him notice me?...........I know,I'll put my underwear on the table!!!!!!!!

Sir:Who owns this underwear??

Girl:Me

Sir:Yuck,there's poo

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1 day I read smoking is bad

I stop smoking

1 day I read drinking is bad

I stop drinking

1 day I read sex is bad

I stop reading!!!!!!!!!

Reading is bad!!!!!!!

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Hope it was ok 4 you..........good day ^_^

Yeah,what do you think about those jokes?? are they ok??

yo mama so retarded she got a spoon and went to the super bowl

that one make me laugh

How do you tell Ronald McDonald out of the crowd on a nude beach?

Sesame seed buns :)

Goofy - yeah, but you can tell it to anyone :)

have you looked in the merer lately