are these lyrics good enough for a song?

I just broke up with my gf and wrote a song for my band but i suck at writing but this well it looks good but i dounno i know its repetive towards the other half but i dont want anyone telling me it sucks if u do tell me how to improve it

Lyrics: i think ill call it vile lies

As i walk thru the valley of the dead i hear your voice and pray for death

i tried and tried and you never looked me in the eyes when you told me you vile lies

Your voice consumed and entombed me as you used your words to take me into ur web of lies

we all say wat we need even if it means telling vile vile lies but you my love took it to far

all i fear and hold dear is not worth hearing those evil word u used to invite me inside of ur vile mind

you my dear i held you dear yet u were my biggest fear\all i feared came true my dear when you killed my love and ignored my tears

u made me learn nothing is forever yet u are to troubled to notice your own tears

didnt you hear i learned to play ur game and now i became the fear u hated and dread my dear

now you lay here and all i have to say my dear is a vile lie u used to hypnotize and with my fear and all my tears i see you to say i still love you dear