Was it really cheating? How do I trust him again?

So I am wondering if you two have gone through a deployment before.

Pre-deployment behavior is different for every sailor, soldier, airman, and marine but it all boils down to worrying about what is going to happen while they are gone.

They worry that they will come home to nothing so some of them try to build new relationships. This is wrong headed and stupid but they do it anyway.

Some of them care so deeply and worry so much that they will be "homesick" that they fabricate arguments with spouses - you don't miss people you are angry with. This doesn't work because you then try to make up long distance and it is hard to do through e-mail.

Some of them worry how their spouse will be able to handle everything while they are gone. Some worry that there will be a death or other family emergency that they won't be there for or they won't get home in time.

All in all, there are millions of things for our service members to stress over. The more deployments they deal with the better they get at it, but the spouse also has to get better too.

I don't know if he had an affair or not - he is the only one who knows if he has taken that final step.

I do know the following:

even though it isn't fair, some of his behaviors (not having sex with someone else but anger, worry, and other concerns) are stemming from your behavior

If the army hasn't provided a pre-deployment brief on this kind of thing then you need to ask for it. Knowing what to watch for pre-deployment is vital to maintaining healthy family relationships while separated.

Yes he was really cheating....or if you need to define cheating as the physical act of sex, he was on his way to it. Why is it that women do not listen to what their men say? He told you "if I wasn't married"....that means he is interested in her. By texting her he was trying to get something going. By her sending him those pictures, she was very clear on the fact that he is interested. You have a husband who IS a cheater and cannot be trusted. You are a fool if you stay in this marriage without counseling. Insist that he go with you or tell him to get out.

if he hasn't cheated, he sounds like he's definately making plans TO do it with her. There is no way he needs his phone all the time, or to be secretive with it. Sweetie, I know its tough, but to blame YOU for finding those pictures that he shouldn't even be receiving in the first place ? There's some major problems right there already. It's hard to say what to do in this situation, its so easy to say leave him awhile, and make him ask you back, but its hard when it happens to us personally.

Whatever you decide, please be safe, good luck on your relationship and hopefully your husband knows what he's got.

He isn't really cheating in the physical sense, but he is getting attention and something else from this girl, or he wouldn't continue to communicate with her knowing how much it's bothering you. He deploys soon, so instead of harping on him and blaming him and watching his every move, I would be sweet and loving and remind him why he married you in the first place! Flirt with him, make him feel manly and important and he will soon forget psycho woman.

Hopefully anyway.

Look at it this way. She won't be in Iraq. She will have moved on to another man in his absence like all good skanks seem to do. Don't force the issue before he deploys. It will cause more tension if you go to his unit. Pehaps this will pass naturally in his absence? If it doesn't and he should happen to be killed in Iraq.....you still have his insurance. Life is a tough, practical thing to deal with. Try to match it.

No. there is often a loss of have faith in a relationship like that, no rely how plenty time has handed, because of the fact interior the lower back of the monogamous significant other's strategies, there'll continually be that little doubting voice thinking in spite of if the different significant other is actual doing what he/she stated or no longer. the appropriate ingredient to do is study out of your blunders and circulate on.

You already know the answer for this. He is cheating. LEAVE HIM, and take half of his $$, and retirement, etc. Cheaters make me sick. His behavior show you that his is untrustworthy, can't keep his d&^% in his pants, and completely and utterly lacks respect for his wife. Sorry honey, better luck next time.

Lol, you could just stay with him and then if something happens in Irag, you are entitled to full benefits. Or as I saw on Jarhead, you could tape yourself with another man (preferably his brother or someone else) and send it to him marked as another movie...priceless!)

he is cheating on u with her.when u find out someone is cheating on u,and confront them, if they wanted to be remorseful they would, they would come clean with it, admit it, and not try to hide it. they would be transparent with every single thing.its typical of a cheater to blame the spouse when he's caught, because he doesn't want to face it or take responsibility.if he had to face it maybe he could see how wrong it is.if he doesn't want therapy,it usually means he has no intention of stopping what he's doing.

Wow, and I thought I had problems. He definitely is cheating and ask him to come for counselling or get a divorce you deserve better.

Your husband has no respect whatsoever for you and that is a really big problem. I would tell him that he either does what you ask of him (which is not unreasonable) or you are gone. Seriously...