Are we afraid to be honest about people in our lives?

I don't get it either. I only say what I mean and mean what I say. And if I say nothing then that says a lot.

I don't speak to anyone in my family besides my parents now, the ones I did love have passed on, or as I got older their true colors were easily seen and I wasn't having any part of it.

I think it's true that we *can* love someone we don't like, if that person was someone we liked before it turned into love, yanno? Obviously we can't love someone if we have never liked them, but if they've changed over time, or our perception of them has, then you can't just immediately flip the switch and not love them in an instant, it takes time. I think that reflects some of the people with difficulty over their feelings and confusion about how there can be such a contrast between emotion and logic. It takes time for it to all balance out.

As far as feeling a need for certain feelings based on the fact they're 'blood', I definitely agree. I wasn't raised this way, so I think that's why it's easier for me to sever ties with family, because I wasn't raised to believe it was wrong. Had I been, I'm not sure I could make the clean breaks that I have in my life, but definitely happy I've been able to =o)

Life's too short to live it just going through the motions in any regard, it's always best that we do whatever brings us the most balance, peace and happiness in our lives overall =o)

I think most people will tell the truth about their family, regarding their feelings about them. If you love someone, but don't like them, then perhaps what you love is the memory of loving them. The idea that once they were considered love-able, and the hope for redemption. Furthermore, with family most people feel a sense of obligation, which can be mistaken for love.

Let me offer an example. I have a brother who has p*ssed his life away, he has done things with little or no regard for his own well-being, or the well-being of others, and now he rots in prison. I haven't spoken to him in over two years but I have told him what I think of his actions, and the deserved consequences. I did it because I love him, and love the idea that he will get out of prison and claim a chance at redemption. An outside observer might have witnessed what I said to him as judgmental and even cruel, but I said it because I love him. I love the memory of him and the idea that he can start anew. The idea that the two of us will have a cookout together and watch our children grow, considering his past.

I read something once that rang true to me: "Loving someone is knowing everything about them, and loving them anyway." So yes, I don't like the things he's done or the way he has conducted himself, but I still love him.

You asked a good question, I would have asked, "Are we afraid to love the people in our lives?" Seems to me there is just not enough to go around.

Honesty is impossible, imo. Unless you don't mind falling out with your relatives, I would always advocate lying. The way I see it, I don't want to fall out with them and I know honesty would cause this to happen, so I bite my tongue and remember I'm not perfect either. I think people are more likely to be honest when it's regarding someone they have chosen, if it's family, or someone you've had kids with you're kind of stuck, so people just make the best of it, often with a heavy dose of self-deception, just for their own sanity and peace of mind. It's not great, but few families would be talking if they were honest all the time. Such is life :-)

i do think it varies from person to person. in my case, i don't get on well with my siblings, but i love my mother. as long as my mother is living i will keep those feelings in check to spare her disappointment. however, when she has passed i am certain that i will not keep in touch with my brothers and sister.

another thing to consider, are familial bonds. my extended family is not a close one. as a child i went years without seeing aunts uncles and grandparents. and as a teen i lived 7 blocks from my fathers parents, yet only saw them at christmas. but some families really are close and depend on each other. one of my sisters in law was raised this way. her dad is a cattle farmer, and his siblings all lived within 15 miles. they helped each other with chores on a daily basis. though they might not like one another they were dependant on one another so it was beneficial to overlook any differences.

Well...here is one example.

I have a friend I have know...for 14 years now.

She is sweet, creative, fun absolute blast to be with, funny, intelligent(though she down plays it), gorgeous, and a good friend.

I love her, she is like a sister to me.....

However she has self esteem issues...needy issues, security issues, from a pretty horrible childhood. She also has a drug problem, with prescription drugs...she has lied to me in the past about this addiction on several occasions.

I love her, she is a great person...and with some things I trust her completely...with other issues, not a chance.

Does that make sense?

actual .... no count number whats the implications the only ingredient which will freed us from all issues must be brazenly conveyed with reality. permit the minds speaks of despite our coronary heart tells , for our coronary heart is familiar with the actuality of the flaws we frequently craved and yearns and dictates our recommendations extremely some the time. I ought to stay conversing out of what i've got self assurance even with the implications that's going to introduced . be waiting to settle for and bear each and everything.

"I love her, but I don't like her..."

"He's a great person, but I can't trust him..."

Complete statements please ! :-)

It's all part of maturity. When statements are like

"I love her, but I don't like her doing *such and such thing*..."

"He's a great person, but I can't trust him *with doing such and such things*...", are made, it usually indicates that the person saying these things likes the person as a whole, but with exceptions.

It's part of growing up, and accepting people for what they are, instead of crying about what they aren't.

Emotions are very complicated... honestly I think statements like those really mean you are unsure of how you feel about this person, not that you are afraid.

i guess it's because people are afraid to lose their friends, i mean, if you say it to their face it will seem too harsh and hurtful, and they might tell other people.

Flaws?

"hes a great person but i cant trust him" - maybe he is a really fun and laid back person, but he is not the type of person who is understanding and can keep his mouth shut.

I think it's a certain amount of loyalty thrown in with a certain amount of doubt. People don't like to be wrong in their character judgements so if they have any bit of doubt they protect themselves by adding in these clauses.