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My girlfriend has a crush on my roommate from before our relationship started last year.What to do toshakehim?
My roommate told me to "get her off his back". He was seeing someone else at the time and has repeatedly told me he's not interested in her and has stopped communicating with her. She kept propositioning him all summer while she was with me. I started to get suspicious and asked her and she finally admitted it. Then I asked him and he confirmed it, but says he doesn't want to be made a go-between. I haven't been doing that. He's an honest guy, but he also has beliefs that it's okay to pounce on the girl in a relationship if there's a chance to steal. But he said he wouldn't do that in this case and that he's not interested in her. She's very attractive and intelligent and gets a lot of attention wherever she goes. She also likes to absorb herself in conversation with strange guys when we go to bars or wherever. She says she likes learning about things from new people. Combined with the other situation, it made me jealous because she would involve me and would actively shut me out of the conversation (something she denies). Now our sex life has gone downhill because I've lost the feeling I had for her. She's going on the pill soon, so that might rejuvenate things. I just dumped her (again), but she called (again) and I took her back (again). My expectations have severely lowered though. Is there any way to shake her from this other guy? They are totally incompatible. Both of them are controlling and hard-headed and they would hate each other. But that's neither her nor there. They do click in conversation (mostly he talks and she listens). He's kind of a strange duck. He likes to catch-and-release women. I think he's bi (something he's hinted at many times) and might be into me and might have been staging this whole thing. He denies any involvement, but I happened to see that he sends her these fish things in this Facebook application. My gf says that he probably just sends it out to everyone. But he should know not to do that to her and to take her off the list, but he tells me that he's not going to treat her any differently at all. He totally absorbed her in conversation this summer, even though he said he wasn't interested and then said that he doesn't care that she's interested, he's not going to change his behavior. He likes to monologue on people and have them listen. Anyway, there's tons more to it. Any advice on how to win her over is appreciated. Every time I break up with her, she seems to want me more (for awhile). She just moved here and doesn't have many friends.
To be clear, my roommate asked me to get her off his back last year. I knew she was into him, but took a chance anyway.
Thanks afflicx8. I just figured that out myself and made a list of things. Communication is at the top of the list. I've been a bit slack about it since I found out, but I should sulk, I have to go hard and try to win her. Great advice, thanks.
She also slipped it in there that she didn't feel secure in the relationship and I think that's about communication too. Women need to communicate to feel like they are in a relationship (I've read somewhere). Guys sometimes just wanna sit on the couch or read the paper or surf.
Thanks Karen. I've known my roommate for about 6 years. We play hockey together on the same team. I know him very well. They both play roller hockey at the same place, so bump into each other every week (but he no longer talks to her, which is making her more attracted to him).
She had sex briefly with another guy before me. I dated her twice, then didn't call her back because I heard that another guy was in the picture. She then went ahead and slept with that guy (insulted I guess). The guy dumped her and went back to his ex. I was hoping I could string that guy up as the rebound guy, but it hasn't been working.
The obvious answer is to move on, but she says she has strong feelings for me too. My roommate says that I'm probably one of 50 guys that she likes and who are probably mostly into her and that I should just be satisfied with that and get more involved in the relationship to make it stronger. I don't want to get more involved because I don't trust her. it's kind of a Catch-22. I'm trying not to fall back in love with her, but I want it to be a strong relationship. I guess I have to decide at some point.
We went on a trip together at the very beginning of our relationship and she says she "almost fell in love with me" on that trip. But a couple weeks later we were all hanging out (her, me, roomie, friends) and I couldn't pry her off the guy with a crowbar and he was talking a lot (like he does) and kind of mocking the way she was fawning on him (which made her fawn more). I told him to stop a couple times, but he didn't listen. Once when the girl and I were having a fight, he decided to play music with her. I almost punched him, but I'm not able to win that fight, so I didn't. Probably should have. Another friend of ours agreed out loud that he was talking too much (after I shouted at him). The last time we all three hung out, I had just spent a half hour telling him not to draw her into deep conversations like that without involving me. And it just so happened she was in the neighborhood and we all had a drink at a bar and it happened again. I got into a huge fight with the guy at bar
And yet another time, we were all at a dance club. My roomie told me to "take charge of your girlfriend." I didn't realize that she had been hitting on him behind my back and he was getting sick of it. I was angry at her so I was being distance, but I grabbed her and we started making out and dancing. It got really hot and we were the center of attention. Then when I went to the bathroom, she went up to the roomie and propositioned him. He got angry and shouted at her. She left the club crying. I found her up the street and we went home (at my insistence...she wanted to go alone). After that, I said that the three of us could not hang out together whatsoever under any circumstances. Our whole circle of friends fell apart.
Another thing. I did a bad thing and looked on her computer and found that she has a poem site and all the poems are about this guy. But the latest poem is about her getting over him and moving on. It's the first one that has been like that, so maybe she is changing? I doubt it, but nothing would shock me at this point.
2 Answers
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Deng dude, this probably isn't the answer your looking for but I'll be honest with what I think. Leave her. Even if she just moved here, she sounds spontaneous enough to find friends. Don't feel sorry for her. You also said that you lost sexual interest. Okay, let's say the pill ups your sex drive. What happens when you lose interest again? Let her go is my best initial judgment.
HOWEVER, I will try to address some of your question because I've had a similar experience, just with my homie instead of my roommate. Basically, I looked for what attracted my girl to my homie (which in your case seems to be that they mesh well in conversation) and used that to better myself. So now, I have what my homie had PLUS what I have that attracted my girl to begin with. Heh, a little confusing but hope you get it. Best of both worlds type thing. Not saying to change yourself, but just learn some tactics from your friend.
Good luck bro.
- 1 decade ago
well no offense buddy but i dont think that shes a very good girlfriend. no offense. your just showing her that you could be the rebound guy by taking her back. no offense once again. then again, how long have you known your roomate?
