Should I leave my marriage? What else could I possibly do?

Question

My wife began a new job 3 months ago. She had been unemployed for about 7 years prior to having this job, but she cheated on me before with co-workers from two previous jobs. She also had little flings with other guys that never became sexual (I've been more forgiving than most people, to say the least). 

During that 7 year hiatus from employment, we've had a son together and I believed that the cheating was all in the past.

However, from day one at her new job, she has had a crush on one of her co-workers. Since then, her feelings for him have grown, to the point where she thinks about him almost all day. I found out she had been searching online for love compatibility based on their astrological signs, and since then, the internet history has been erased daily. I would say she's "in-love," based on her description of how she feels. She admits that she is more attracted to him than she is to me, and she can't help it.

Other than this, she is a very loving wife and mother, but she is boy crazy. This guy at her work doesn't know she has feelings for him and it doesn't seem that the feeling is mutual (according to her), but I've been shocked with the truth in the past.

The extent of her feelings for him were revealed to me last night. I'm now extremely depressed, and said that I will probably have to leave. She doesn't want me to leave, but it's not because she's attracted to me and loves me as a husband -- she only wants me as a companion and a father to our son (I will be his father no matter what).
I don't think I can put up a facade and act like everything is hunky dory when I'm only the "next best thing."
Should I leave my marriage? What else could I possibly do?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Unless you are both willing to go into some serious counseling and work hard...

star_lite57 · Answer

I'm sorry....but I think you know the answer to this.  You're just looking for confirmation that what you're doing is right. 

I know it's easier said than done, but I think you should leave. It sounds like a no-win situation for you if you stay.  

Besides, a facade marriage can actually do more harm than good to a child. Children are not stupid and quite often they are better off in a non-toxic environment.  So if you're just staying in the marriage for the child's sake, then I would reconsider.

Good luck and i hope you find happiness in whatever you choose. You sound nice.

Arabella · Answer

I think  you have done your best and now it's time to leave!  I can't even imagine what it must have been like for you to carry that around for 7 years just to have it happen again.  She is only stringing you along, and believe me, if she ever meets someone that will take your place as her "companion" you will be out the door faster than you know!  Take your son and have a happy carefree life!  You will meet someone that loves and respects you as much as you deserve!  Unfortunately the one you are with is just not it!  Thank god for second chances!

Anonymous · Answer

People who cheat rarely if ever change; they almost always continue to cheat despite promises to the contrary. She is not just boy crazy she is a case of arrested development and is a teenage high school girl in her mind. You need to cut your losses and get a divorce and make sure she doesn't clean you out financially since she is the one who is cheating on you and is therefore not really entitled to much if anything. Yes, you will always be the father but now you must get yourself out of this painful situation by divorcing her and finding someone who is an adult and capable of minding their marriage vows.

Iya · Answer

It really sounds like she does not care about your marriage as much as you do you have forgiven her in the past and it seems like she has not move on from that stage in her life. I think that you should leave because no one deserves to be cheated on especially not repeatedly. You have given her more than one one chance to change her ways and she wants you to stay for the wrong reason. Move on and do better for yourself you don't want you son to grow up thinking it is okay for people to cheat on each other. It will be hard at first but you will move on  and do better. Good Luck and Best Wishes!

Anonymous · Answer

Unless you are both willing to go into some serious counseling and work hard, I think you should leave and take your son with you.

She has cheated on you numerous times and says she "can't help it".  That's total crap.  An adult can control their feelings.  She obviously has no respect for you or your marriage.  That's no environment for you to raise a child in.

Good luck.

♪ Pamela ♫ · Answer

Wow, I am so sorry to hear this.  Have you discussed marriage counseling?  It seems that there are some deeper issues here that could be resolved with valid treatment.  

My sister and her husband had major issues two years ago (including some physical abuse).  They sought counseling and are together today.  Good luck to you both Anthony.

Anonymous · Answer

GET OUT!!
Sounds like she wants to keep you as her meal ticket. No one deserves that kind of treatment, you will find someone better, trust. besides, do you want your kid possibly exposed to her skanky ways and learn from that? Make sure to take him with you and sue for custody while you are at it.

Todd Jansens Monkey · Answer

Hold the phone...  Don't leave yet.  Don't jump to conclusion yet...

Wait and see how this plays out before you leave.

Read a book...

.:I*dimples!*I:. · Answer

i think you should tell her :change your ways or im leaving  shes cheated on you many times while you have been faithful  i think you should leave her she might have cheated on you more than you think!obivously she doesnt care about you or your marriage you can find some one better than her!

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Should I leave my marriage? What else could I possibly do?

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