Could the beast of Rotter manor woods be at work?

Gadzooks, Rotty - looks like I made it back to GB just in time!

Harrowing as my recent experiences in the Far East were, they pale into insignificance at the news that the dreaded "Rotter Manor Wood Lurker" (as I've heard it referred to by local drunks and lunatics) is once again at large.

You must indeed step up to the mark, old boy, and oversee the apprehension of this ungodly custard-mutation so your team of boffins can perform cruel and unecessary tests on it for the further amusement of all posh humanity.

Claims here from other answerers as to the beast's true identity are persuasive, I admit. Scoundrel's videotronic evidence, in particular, sent shivers up my spine. But I fear they may all be howling up the wrong tree trunk. You see, AR, I have a rather chilling theory of my own.....

That's right, my friend, I'm talking of none other than your own ex-manservant Jenkins!

Oh yes, we all thought we'd successfully dispatched the old twerp to Servant Nirvana at your fabulous bonfire night party back in November. But think, old chum, think! Do you not recall - as the festivities drew to an agreeably gin-sodden close, as the last embers of the fire were fizzling - a shambling soot-black figure crawled across the lawn, dragged itself through the custard lake you'd laid on for the evening, and then disappeared into the depths of Rotter Woods moaning some old nonsense about "compensation" and "constructive dismissal" ...?!!

It's almost too horrible to contemplate but, if my theory's correct, you must round up a hunting party forthwith and bring the old git to ground.

Or would you rather have to ...

give Jenkins his severance pay?!!

Doesn't bear thinking about, does it. I'll get my gun.

My dear Rotter, I fear that the first theory you proposed was indeed correct as evidenced by this video-tron footage of the actual experiment itself when it was conducted.

It was after the film-a-tron was shot that drinks were passed around - gin (naturally), jello shots, and dirty martinis were the main alcoholic beverages that made these people go completely mad.

It is alleged, in fact, that the person/being that was created this day was one by the name of Hattie Old Jaques - neither man, woman nor beast. He/she was apparently there to service the film crew and keep them alert during filming, but afterwards drank huge volumes of the intoxicating liquors on offer that day and the combination of these chemicals and his/her extrovert nature had devastating effect when he/she fell into the custard and created the monster (not beast, sir) which now roams the woods of Rotter manor.

I doubt, sir, that you will get anyone to venture anywhere near the forrest knowing that their very next step could be their last.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ygtX2miwU5I

Damn your impertinence Rotter, that is my Lady Agatha, she is heading a badger watch scheme in Rotter Woods wearing her yellow camel haired coat. Okay, she may be a tad vicious and have large front teeth, but I say old chap, there is no need to send out hunting parties, she will respond to the smell of an open gin bottle and a well cooked bacon sandwich, so please have a heart and go easy on the old bat, she does tend to be a bit scatty in her declining years

Rotter old Bean, it surely is Percy's Lady Agatha, I remember a few weeks ago the old goat was found wandering around Shaftsworthy woods at three o'clock in the morning oil lantern in one hand and gin bottle in the other, my man Bagthorpe (87) thought the ruddy sabre toothed beasty from the zoo had escaped until he observed the Marks & Spencer bag stuffed in the old pocket of her moth eaten Camel coat, mind you as Lord Percy has pointed out she does head to a bottle or gin and a bacon sandwich, and she also scared the bejesus out of the ruddy poachers, keep it ..I mean keep her fed and watered old fruit and she will cause you no harm. tally ho

Custard! Rum toddy? Good,I'll get my hunt toggs on and be right over. Right turn at Lower Swines-ford, correct? Three forks for my henchmen, I'll bring my gun(and a bottle of Jura)

i'm skint couldn't i just have the potato peeler instead please?

also i think he is more pissed off and killing more due to the fact that he is getting pissed off reading all the missing peoples adverts in the local paper, and has taken on full responsibility him/her self...

some kind of serial/fame/pissed off sort of pack with his other mates.

one thing that does hurts my small mind is the fact if some drunk did create him wouldn't he be happy that he is higher up in the food-chain than your average pedigree doberman? and probably pissed up than pissed off.

could of done the abductions as a laugh just to get more attention, from the locals and likes big pointy things and flaming torches (maybe a fetish?) oh well guess we wouldn't know...

I would but this flaming pitch fork I bought down the market for firty nine pahnd ninety nine pence has burnt my handle to ashes rendering it just a hot pointy thing that hurts to hold.

Check your family records to see if you have a disinherited cousin who fled to South America 15 years ago then check to see if any mysterious strangers are renting cottages near your land. Happens all the time, old boy.

the beast of Rotter manor was last seen falling into the black hole that exists in the basement of Rotter manor.-blurey

My minions will be there en masse Rotter, I do believe some custard is required to catch this hell hound, will you bring that or shall we?