How do you trap an Evil Fairy Bear ?

This is too easy. Build a dog-house size evil fairy bear hotel. Put one marmalade sandwich just inside the doorway and leave the front door open. A fairy bear's sniffer can smell a marmy sanny within a 200 kilometer radius. The front door of the Evil Fairy Bear hotel of course is triggered to shut as soon as the EFB steps inside.

That said, I hasten to add: Please don't hurt EFB's. They are an endangered and protected species. You could face stiff fines and penalties, and perhaps even jail time, should you get caught hurting an EFB. In fact, at last count there was only one still alive. Without a mate, he can't really reproduce then. Hmmm. So protecting the specie is a bit too late. Never mind. Have at it.

I shouldn't really be telling you this but what the hell, its your lucky day. You will need a pallet load of orange marmalade and another of grapefruit marmalade. Leave the marmalade in a wood in Suffolk along with your mobile phone number. When the fairy bear discovers the marmalade it will gorge until it cannot move and then call the phone number for assistance at which point you can show up and catch it or be torn to shrapnel depending on how your luck runs. Do you feel lucky? Do you punk?

Place several leaf blower motors, a good length of stout rope and a few old copies of National Geographic in a pit. The bear be irisistably attracted by the motors and titillated by the Nat. Geo's that he will jump into the pit based on the reasoning that the rope could be used to somehow get out (typical bear).

Put some cinnamon kegel on his knupfli, and make a little trail of knupfli bits, like Drew Barrymore's brother did in ..E.T....once you've lured him into the closet..you can then wreak your havoc, for evil fairy bears are only dangerous when they come out of the closet!

Turbo B.O., vai you say 'gay' in a bad vey? Vai you jealous of a little fairy?

Anyvey, I can answer you very very seriously, and give you many many really really mean sings to do to zis fairy from Suffolk, and I can even tell you how to trap it, ya? But you must pay me in goats and skinned hammies, first. Ya, you know vere to get lots of hammie hammies, ya? Pay first, tok later...

Oh, unt vai you sey everysing tvice? I no deaf, you know...I heard you ze first time...

You'll have to seduce him with your level two enlargement. I'd also suggest a leather corset, but that's just me. You could also try nurses costume.

Lie down on the ground and play some Mickey Avalon. He won't be able to resist.

I wish i knew how to catch someone as i cannot even catch a fly let alone a cute little fuzzy bear.

You should throw a rave .... all fairies love raves - and Martha Stewart merchandise.

Gay.

And I don't mean in the happy sense.

Heh heh!