Do you like these jokes?

once upon a time there was a pud owner and once a week a man would come into the pub ande order a pint of beer and a packet of cheese and onion crisps. once he had them he would drink his pint, put the crisps on his head and walk around the pub 3 times. Well this went on for a while until the pub owner decided that he was going to see what happened if he told the man he didn't have any crisps.

So, the man came in the next week and ordered a pint of beer and a packet of cheese and onion crisps ,but, this time the pub owner said they didn't have any crisps so the man ordered a packet of peanuts instead and so again he drank his pint and put the peanuts on his head and walked around the pub 3 times,but just as he was about to leave the pub owner stopped him and said "look please i have to know why di you put those peanuts on your head and walk around the pub 3 times"

and the man said " because you didn't have any crisps"

3 old women standing on a street corner when one said "its windy todat isn't it"

"no its not its thursday" said the 2nd women

"so am i lets go and have a cup of tea" said the last women

a man was sitting in the pub panicking as he hadn't got his wife anything for her birthday when he saw a man in the corner with a small cat and a biscuit box. so, he went over to him and said "what do you have that cat for?"

and the man said "this is a dancing cat he said"

so the other man looked at him a bit confused and so the other man said "look i'll show you" so he put the small cat on the biscuit box and it started to dance about "wow" said the man "thats incredible, can i buy it off you"

so the other man agreed to sell it to him for £100.

after that the man ran straight home to his wife and explained to her about the dancing cat and then put the cat on the box, to show her it dancing, but it just sat there. the man became furious and ran back to the pub just in time to catch the man leaving "this is a trick" shouted the man "this cat doesn't dance"

and the other man said "did you light the candle in the box?"

there is a french pet talent contest so you have dancing mica and drawing cats and the contest is underway when a man comes onto the stage with a pig.so, the judge asks the man what his pig does and the man says "this pig can do maths" well everyone is curious to see if this is true so the judge asks the man to demonstarate so the man says to the pig "pig what is 4+5" and as he says it he scatters some nuts down and the pig grunts "neuf,neuf" and everyone is amazed so he asks him another question "pig what is 3 times 3" and again he scatters some nuts down and the pig grunts "neuf, neuf"

then the judge says "may i ask him a question?" the man agrees and the judge says "pig what is 4+4" so the man goes behind the pig and kicks him between the legs and the pig squeeks "HUIT"

irishman, scottishman and englishman in the jungle when they are captured by cannibals But, the cannibal leader says to them "you must go into the forest and find 10 things from the of the same kind" so they go into the forest and after a while the englishman comes out with 10 blueberries and the cannibal says to him "you must now fit those 10 things up your nose or we will eat you" so the englishman starts putting them up his nose but just as he is about to get the last one in he bursts out laughing and can't continue so they eat him.

a bit later the scottishman comes back with 10 blackberries and again he is told to put them up his noseor he will be eaten, but, the scottishman hardly gets half way through when he starts crying with laughter, the cannibal is very annoyed and shouts at the man "what are you laughing about" and the scottishman says "i just saw the Irishman collecting coconuts!"

mary had a little lamb that had a touch of colic

she gave him brandy twice a day and now its an alcoholic

thanks for reading!