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opinionator asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

A different kind of poem. What do you all think?

Monfort left the Boogie Down

it wasn't raining

wasn't cold

just another day

Peebles had to get up on the hill.

had to see

was flooding in the flats

hailstones built like donut holes

were getting the way.

No one told him other wise

he didn't know from hay

Monfort was no country boy

farthest south he'd been was

somewhere up the Battery

Peebles had no clue neither

he's from up the ridge

somewhere north of Houston

but not quite Peekskill see

Neither one knew much of nothin' really

couldn't tell a hemlock from a beech

didn't really matter much

both had just enough between em'

for a bunch of fritos

and some cheese

3 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Lmao. Sweet poem!

  • 1 decade ago

    This is an OK poem, but it doesn't go anywhere. You've described two men in an interesting way, but the piece doesn't have any consistent structure. I would change a few words. "farthest south he'd been was somewhere DOWN the Battery" and "hailstones built like donut holes"? I don't think that makes sense. Maybe "hailstones built like girders made of steel", that would also reinforce the big city theme.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    goooooooooooood

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