My boyfriend's son is rude & disrespectful. Help?

Raising kids is hard, especially when there is a divorce or split of the parents. I feel sorry for the kid, he must be under a lot of stress and emotional turmoil and he's controlling the one thing he can -- the dinner thing -- because basically everything else about his life is completely out of his control (his parents' split, you entering the picture with his father, etc.). This doesn't make his behavior acceptable. Just understandable.

But neither parent is doing this kid any favors by placating him and giving in to his "pouts". They should be addressing his disrespect and poor behavior. Unfortunately, you're stuck. Your only option is to sit down with the boyfriend and let him know, quite frankly and firmly, how you feel. Don't be surprised if he doesn't understand -- some parents can be wrapped up in the children to the point of spoiling them to their own detriment. I doubt seriously that you will be able to convince your boyfriend that the boy's behavior is unacceptable or that he should do something about it. You should not discipline the boy on your own, this is the boyfriend's job (even though he's obviously not doing it). Trying to discipline him on your own will just open up a whole can of worms with the boy's Mom and Dad (your boyfriend). Being part of a step family is hard enough, but you don't even have that level of commitment from your boyfriend, so this is going to be ten times harder for you to deal with. Without your boyfriend's cooperation, it will be impossible.

You need to think long and hard about how you want your life to go. If you want to be treated like this indefinitely and remain under the child's thumb, then continue the relationship. But if you have better things planned for yourself, then you might want to seriously consider breaking up with the boyfriend and trying to find someone who is more compatible all around. Good luck, because I know whichever way you go, this won't be easy. But you have to think long term here and do what's best for YOU.

Oh boy are you right, I had the same type of problem when I took on 3 stepchildren, basically what has to happen is - this is dinner if you don't eat it there is nothing else and his father and everyone else needs to stick by that. He isn't a baby he is 10 years old and needs to start learning he will not always get his way, cannot run the show and your boyfriend needs to understand that this is also him disrespecting you. If the relationship is going to work you must work as a team whether this is your child or not. Of course it also sounds like this child disrespects his father also, and Dad just gives in, put the brakes on it now but he becomes an unruly teenager.

You have to beat him at his own game.

He just doesn't like the fact that you have come in and have changed the way things have been done. The attention from his dad has shifted from him to you a little and hes not comfortable with that. He knows that at the end of the day though if he starts acting like a baby again they will treat him like on then poof, no more of you getting the attention from daddy.

The kid has probably been acting this way since even before you were around. Its like a game, which parent can i get away with the most stuff. If his parent's aren't together they are more likely to spoil a child to keep it happy.

For me it worked best when i acted like the cool babysitter rather than daddy's new girlfriend. What kind of food are you cooking? Why don't you let him cook with you or with the three of you.

Going out to eat with a kid is hard in itself. Just let him pick where he wants to go its okay to give in to kids sometimes. You can always go to a place you want to go when its just you and the dad that way you know you can have a relaxed time.

I would have a meeting with the boys parents, tell them that their parenting skills are just not working. Then, if things go well, then improvise how they can better themselves as parents. Like I would suggest that they stop spoiling him so much. If he doesn't like the food, then he doesn't eat anything else. If he really starts complaining, then give him some fruit or vegetables, but no junk food. Since he's 11 it might take some time to let the message sink in that he is not the one in control. Be sure to do something similar with what ever other problem there may be.

You are going to have to make your mind up what you really want because you get the boyfriend with a built in family. The Boy comes with the package. If he raises the kid to be disrespectful, then he will treat you with disrespect. Dump this guy.

You are completely right. By allowing this behavior to continue, your boyfriend is showing a lack of respect for you and your relationship.

Additionally, if you were to have any children together; you can see right now that you would have major differences of opinion in what acceptable parenting practices are.

Personally, I would drop the relationship. But otherwise, you at least need to have a serious talk with your boyfriend about the situation, and let him know that this is not acceptable.

You can always walk out of this relationship... a parent is a parent first and foremost.. you are not the stepmother.. you are just the Girlfriend.. and you would not even be the stepmother if the dad married you as the son has a mother..just move on.. find a man who has no children and marry a single guy.. and if you want children have some of your own.. then you can lay down the rules as a parent.. Remember you are only a Girlfriend and not this guys wife... so move on.

First talk to your boyfriend about it, and try and let the kid have more say, he is just feeling hurt because he feels you are taking the place of his mother, try and be nice even though i know you want to rip the hair out of his head and scream but he is also in that awkward teen stage and is going to act very immature for a couple of years!

Your bf needs to iron this out. Even though you are not his mother, he needs to learn that he show adults respect. It not only shows he doesn't respect you but he's no authority to this child. If he doesn't want to eat, and his dad wants to cater to him, fine. It's utterly ridiculous and shows that your bf has problems standing up the kid and just takes the path of least resistance. However, him acting like a baby and pouting when you go out to eat is a different story.

If you think it's bad now, wait til this kid is a mouthy teenager. He'll be in charge, not the parents.

I was raised in the old school. We misbehaved and we got our butt paddled. Sounds like this boy needs a little dose of that.

This child isn't the problem, your boyfriend is. If he's not disciplining his child, or expecting him to behave with respect toward you, then nothing will change. Don't blame the child, blame the father. I'd really have second thoughts about being with someone who thought that little of me.