What is the longest answer you can give to this question?

You want entertaining? You got it!

Ready? Here we go...

I used to be a liquor delivery driver, delivering to liquor stores. One day I was given a helper. A real smartass punk kid. Keep in mind that I'm talking about white kid from a fairly well off family. He thought of himself as a hip-hop gangsta wannabe; backwards cap, pants down around his knees (you try carrying a keg of beer down a truck ramp with your pants like that), and all the ghetto talk too. He was on his cell phone more than he was off it. We pulled into a store ran by a lady who was proud of her reputation as real bit...well, you know the word that YA won't let me use. While he was still talking to his girlfriend, I went inside to get the paperwork started, and told her that I'd give her a dollar to kick his butt. She laughed and told me that I knew it didn't cost that much. Her smile instantly disapeared the second he came in. We started bringing in her order, which was pretty large. I was answering a question of hers, and made some wise crack remark about something (can't remember exactly what, as this was over 10 years ago), we were both laughing about it when he stopped and made a follow up joke. Her face turned to stone and told him that he should get his lazy butt back to work! He made some comment that he was just trying to make a joke, and she goes off on him. He made the sorry mistake of telling her that he lived in that neighborhood too, and she had better watch who she was being a bi...well you know the word I want to use here, to. BIG mistake! The next thing I knew I was hearing that wonder sound that will make you wet yourself...you know the one, that of a pump shotgun chambering a round. She is now screaming at him that he had 3 seconds to get the f...once again I can't use her language on here, out of her store. As soon as he walked out, I expected her to start laughing. Nope. She called 911 and reported him for threatening her. The police wouldn't come out, so she called the owner of our company and related the events to him. Luckily for me she left out that I instigated the whole thing. When we got to my next stop, and I went in to start the paperwork, I was told to call the office...with my helper waiting outside! They wanted to know my side of the story. After telling them what happened (deleting my sorted involvement in the whole affair) they told me to come straight back to the office, without making the delivery. When we got there the owner, the comptroller, the warehouse manager, and our dispatcher were all standing at the door waiting for us. I was nervous as all get out. They put us in seperate offices and made me write out my version of what happened. Amazingly, the little punk was very honest about how he yelled at her. In his defense, I would have yelled at the bi...here we go again with YA and their community guidelines... too.

They didn't hesitate for one minute. As soon as they read both of our statements, they fired him on the spot.

I felt so bad about him losing his job, but in all reality, I DID want him gone, and off my route and truck.

Before I got a new helper and got in my truck the dispatcher told me that I had a correction to taken to the bit...and again with the language, you'd think I could find a different word for this but hey, you wanted something long and entertaining, and this is long and intertaining...I hope. Now where was I? ? ? ? Oh yeah! The correction. I was very nervouse about going back there again, as I had no idea what in the heck was going on. When we walked in the door she gave me a HUGE smile and wispered that I owed her a dollar.

She did finally mellow out with the bit...I know the language thing has got to be getting old...thing. How you ask? Well some brave soul actually took his life (and genitals) in his own hands, figuratively speaking of course, it was in HER hands...sort of...I guess. Anyway, some guy got her pregnant. She calmed down a lot after having the baby.

Funny thing about it? Nobody ever even got it that I got the idiot fired. Not that I could tell anyone about it. I know, I just told you and every other person in the world about it here in the freaking internet. Well not only do I not work there anymore, it's been about 10 years ago, and hopefully the statute of limitations will protect me. That and the fact that I've used no names or anything like that. And also, what the heck is going to take from me in a law suit? The old saying "you can't get blood from a stone" definately applies here.

Wow! I just saw some of the answers to this. I'm way behind! So I guess since I want those 10 points I had better tell you another story, huh?

Well, let's se here. What can I tell you about that is entertaining? dumdumduuum dum dumdumduuum dum da da da dadada da! (Jeapardy theme music)

Okay, here we go.

While working at the liquor distributorship (before the previous incident I related) my wife and I decided to take a weekend trip. We are both big fans of Buddy Holly, so we plotted it out on a map, and discovered that we could drive to Lubbock, Texas in just about 12 hours from our house. We could take off on Friday after we got off work, driving through the night. Get there and see whatever museums there might be for Buddy, and then turn around and head home. Taking turns driving so that we could each get some sleep.

Now you may be thinking that this is a rediculous idea, it would never work, we'd be exhausted if we got home alive. You'd be right. But it was a price we were willing to pay to get the chance to look at Buddy's junior high school lunch box.

But I digress. We were talking about my trip to Hell and back.

About three hours on the road, it started felling like my underwear was bunching up around my thigh. I kept trying to adjust it, but nothing worked. When we stopped for dinner, it hurt pretty good, but I just figured it was like tying a string around your finger too tight. It's gonna hurt for a bit after you take the string off.

So we get back on the road. A few hours later (about an hour and a half out of Lubbock, I had to pull over to get gas. When I stepped out of the car, I fell over. I couldn't put any weight at all on my right leg. At that point my wife took over the driving. We decided that we had come too far to turn around, so we pressed on. We got to Lubbock around 7:00 that morning, and immeadiately found the "West Texas Walk Of Fame". It is a fountain, with small plaques around the edge of the fountain, telling about people from West Texas who have become famous. In the middle of the fountain is a life size (maybe over size, but not by much) statue of Buddy Holly playing his guitar. I hopped around the fountain on my left foot, then had my wife drive up over the curb to pick me up. Then we found the nearest gas station, to ask where the hospital was. It took all of 2 minutes in the emergency room for them to figured out that I needed to be admitted. My right leg was so swollen that they had to cut my pants off me.

In the ER they let me keep my socks on because I was so cold. When they got me to my room, they took my socks off to put hospital booties on me, and discoverd that my foot was almost completely black. They thought that it was ganges green, and were talking about amputating it right away. Now the reason that I was so cold was that I had a fever of about 105 degrees, and was shivering in the air conditioning. With the fever came delerium. I have no memory of the amputation canversation. But my wife assures me that I sat up in bed and told the doctors that if they came anywhere near me with a scalple, that I would shove said scalple where the sun don't shine! Like I said, I don't remember any of this, but it sure does sound like me.

I was in there for two weeks, and they never were able to figure out what I had other than to say that it was a muscle infection with a secondary skin infection. They were afraid to take a tissue sample, because they thought the incision would get infected, and make me lose the leg...and we all know where that conversation went!

My wife was able to stay with me for a week, sleeping on a wheeled in cot, next to my bed. One morning at 2 AM a guy came in to take some blood (from my arm). Now I'd had an IV in the entire time, and my viens kept collapsing. They had to change the location of the needle at least once a day. Anyway this goober came in for blood, and literally DUG around in my arm with a needle for 45 minutes trying get a vien so that he could take blood and change the IV again. It just wasn't working. I finally had to ask him if there was some way that I could take an oral antibiotic for that night, until someone with more experience could find a vien. He said that he'd have to check with the pharmacist, and left his cart there to go check. He never came back. When my doctor came in, he chewed me out saying that I had to quit being abusive to the hospital staff. I held up my, by then, purple arm and asked him how he would handled a 45 minute pincushion experiment. He just snorted about whinny patients and walked out!

After a week, my wife had to go home or lose her job. So for a week, I was in there all alone. The night after she left, I was sleeping as soundly as one could in my condition, when I felt my bed shift. I figured yet another late night pic cussion time had arrived. WRONG!!! An elderly naked man had just crawled into my bed. When I yelled for him to get out of my bed he started yelling at me to get out of his bed. Since he was laying on the call button, I had to scream for help. When a nurse finally came in, they acted like I was the biggest as...okay the language barriers on here forbid me from saying the word, but it's a body part that you wipeoff after pooping. Like I should have been happy that crazy old naked man was in my bed.

On my 12th day in

I believe that I answered a question like this before... let's see... was it in 1863? Yes, yes. I think it was. That fellow over there asked me in running slow motion if "cool whip" was supposed to have the "h" in the pronunciation.. it was the longest answer i'd ever given since he kept asking. But then he asked me your question! I explained the question and answer process was all very complicated, since there's no way to get a bunch of answers all at once from all over the world (shame there isn't something like that) and he just kept telling me questions were more important than answers. I explained no answer can have too many words because the asker would become very bored and that it was nice to keep it sweet and short, like a college application essay. So I kept going and started singing "bye, bye, miss American Pie" and we all did the meringue and humiliated Raiders fans. So I'd say about 12 lines? Because I'm explaining my motives, you see. This is all very relevant. I swear.

Well, I think the longest answer won't do it that long just to be joking. Just like The "scroll to see answer....happy holidays!" one. Therefore, no one has the longest answer. Just plain, old shortest answer. Now, since the longest answer would be the shortest answer in comparison, it's really longest. But it's not long because it's short. And short CANNOT be long and long CANNOT be short. But, this is the longest answer but someone in the future would say gibberish JUST to get best answer. So I am officially the longest but the rest think they're the longest when they are still very short. Therefore, they are the longest shortest answer. Are you following?

you have NO idea just how long of an answer i can give smile smile wink wink, it would be better if there was a bit of subject matter though, but, hey, i can make due with this

hello, i'm calling you from the Orange company. I would like to offer you a place on our cabnet. if you would like to join, or want more information, please call us at 1-800-ORA-NGES, or visit us at our website, at www.haveyoueverlookedatyourbellybuttonwhileeatingoranges.com

thank you for your time, goobye.

my logic is undeniable

you know it's true, and don't ask what the thing with oranges is, it started a long time ago... Did you know me and my friends can get high off saltines and apples? It's really quite an amazing occerence.

Any way, i got my first real snow today, well technichally it wasn't my /first/ real snow, but it's the first one this year, and we had a snow day, it was great, and then i went into my closit to get my boots, and there was only one there, i was sad : ( It's my puppy's first snow, he loves it...

Okay, that was fun, but i'm bored now, trust me, i could do so much more, starting with all my quotes, such as

"yes sir i know, but why, why would he do that, because he's a lumox isn't he"

or

“It’s not gettin’ to the land of the dead that’s a problem… it’s gettin’ back.”

or

“Revenge won’t bring your father back Miss Swan, and it’s not somethin’ I’m intended to die for.”

“You’re right … then what shall we die for?... You will listen to me, LISTEN!!! … The brethren will still be looking to us, to the Black Pearl to lead. And what will they see? Frightened bilge rats on upon a derelict ship, no. No! They will see free men, and freedom! And what the enemy will see, is the flash of our cannons! They will hear the ring of our swords, and they will know what we can do! By the sweat of our brows, and the strength of our backs… and the courage of our hearts! … Gentlemen! … Hoist the colors.”

“Hoist the colors,”

“Hoist the colors!”

“Aye… the winds on our side boys, that’s all we need!”

or

THE CUTTLE FISH SPEACH

"Utterly deceptive quarle speak say I"

"If you have a better alternitive, please, share it"

"Cuttle fish, we must dear friends, remember our dear friends, the cuttle fish. Flipping glorias sausages, tear each other apart without a second thought. It's human nature isn't it, or fish nature. So yes, we could sit up here, well provisioned and well armed, and half of us would be dead within the month, which seems quite grim to me, any way you slice it. Or... as my learnered coliege so nievely sugjests, we could release calypso, and pray that she would be merrciful, i rather dought it, can we in fact pretend that she is anything other than a woman scorned with what furrie hell hath, no, no we cannot. res ispsolo quit tabula in nafrgio, we are left but with one other opption. I agree with, and i cannot believe the words are comming out of me mouth, Captain Swann, we must fight."

"You've always run away from a fight"

"Have not"

"Ya have so"

"Have not!"

"You have so and you know it"

"Have not slander and cullemy, I have only ever embraced the oldest and nobelest of pirate traditions, i submit that here now that is what we all must do, we must fight! to run away"

or

"Still thinking of running Jack? Think you can out run the world Jack? You know the problem with being the last of anything, by and by there'll be none left at all."

"But sometimes things come back, me and you, we're living proof of that mate"

"But there's never a garentee of coming back, but passing on, that's dead sertine... the world used to be a bigger place"

"The worlds still the same, there's just... less in it"

or

“Sons of Gondor! Riders of Rohan! My brothers! I see in your eyes, the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails! When we forsake your friends and break all bonds of fellowship! ... But it is not this day! An hour of wolves, and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear… on this good earth. I bid you STAND men of the West!!!!!”

or

"When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alt

well, this is a pretty dumb question because you just lost 5 points.

unless you choose a best answer.

because once you choose a best answer you get 2 points, so then your really only lost 3 points, which is better i guess, but still. you lost 5 points. unless you choose best answer. i just don't get why people ask dumb questions like these. like, do they have nothing better to do? can't they like...go christmas shopping? shovel the snow? (it's snowing here) or cook? there are millions of things to do and people choose to ask dumb questions like these. honestly? wow. i don't ask dumb questions like these. so it's not really wrong to judge....

but let's not get off subject.

but okay, here's what i just thought:

maybe people ask dumb questions because they want to see the dumb answers people give.

when i look at the questions, and see the answers, i'm like "oh my gosh, does that person know how dumb he is to be giving such a dumb answer?"

and i laugh. it's funny.

so i guess i come to a conclusion of, people ask these dumb questions because they like to hear the dumb answers.

butttt.....then we get back to where we were!

DO THEY NOT HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO?!

omg! seriously!

wow!

we are going around in circles!

i hate when i do that.

like it takes so long to type this out, to get to my conclusion, and then i just get to the same spot....okay.

well.

i'm getting bored now and i have BETTER STUFF TO DO like go christmas shopping and shovel the snow and cook dinner.

haha.

okay.

well.

it was fun.

bye!

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I would have to say....hmmmm..i dunno, how do u answer something so long without a reason, however i am thinking, of... me! lol, no im not, i was just in school, OH! I will tell you about my school day. Ok well it was the morning, i was trying to straighten my hair with a blow dryer, it looked okay, but i didn't have enough time. Then I had to walk fast to the bus stop to catch my bus. I wasn't late anyways. So, im on the bus, then I ask this girl for a test on world history, then i sat back in my seat. (ps, me and that girl fight for this seat all the time in the mornings, its a great seat, and we arent joking fighting, like racing there, sometimes i have to push her outtof my way. i feel bad though.) Anyways, i tak out my ipod, and listen to just a dream by carrie underwood. i really get into the mood of it. such a lovely song. then it finishes and i listnen to endeverafteR - no more words (jeff hardy's theme song! you know from wwe! i luv wwe! anyays we arrive and i cant listen to the whole song. then i get out of the bus,and walk to the school, now usually everyone waits outside until the teacher tells them to go inside, but since it was freezing, we had to wait inside the cafeteria. So i stood there, talking whith my friends, and at the same time, looking to see if my crush is there. thank gosh he wasnt. or at least i didnt see him. Finally, the teachers told us to go inside, and we did. i went to my locker, and saw my locker buddy. she was there first, i came second, or third or whatever, doesnt matter. I finished packing my books, and went to my homeroom, i think isaw my crush im not really sure. my hair was a little messed up. only a litle. and i went to my homeroom. the class is white. the chairs are metal white, and the desks are very very very light wood. we had no chalkboard, its a homeroom, that why. our teacher cheked the attendace, and that annoying dude who likes me kept fixing his hair to impress me, loser. jk, lol. there is this other guy who likes me who doesnt say anything, thank gosh. anyways bell rung, and i had history, boring women teacher, the classrom is so bright. then i had math, then french, science, p.e., etc......... finally lunch time. i went to sit with my friends, my crush saw me by the hallway. so hot, lol, but not as hot as jeff hardy. anyways luchtime, my crush sits in other table, then him and his friends start goofing around. then i have 2 more classes, and i leave. it is snowing oo much, i am freezing. the bus is filled, i have a frostbite on my hand and feet. im home, yaaay! finally, weekends! the end. long day huh? it was so much longer for me, trust me. well happy holidays, and have a good weekend. my answer was really long. ps i luv my crush and jeff hardy!!! jeff hardy is the hottest man you will ever see or find!! lol he is though, meber that, and if u do not now who he is, he is a wwe wrestler. kk, well bye, i am going now, enjoy my answer!!!

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mmmkay, here goes.

I just got home. I had to walk home from school, in the snow! yes its snowing! and my mom couldn't even care to pick me up! and I'm only 12! how rude of her. and i don't know where she is at, the Door was unlocked and everything, so i just came right in and jumped on the computer. Mmm, im pretty hungry. i didn't eat no lunch, it was disgusting at school, Little garlic potato balls, all nasty, and country fried steak, and some peaches. but still you know, its pretty gross. and i had a frappachino! that made me super hyper in social studies and i kept talking about how i wanted to be a bunny when i grow up, move to Australia eat some trix and say no no no in my little australian ascent, trix are for bunnies! haah, yeah i was hyper! but it was the kind you get in the bottles from gas stations. but on my way to school, walking of course, i was drinking it and i guess i didn't close the bottle all the way because i left my coat in my home room and when we switched classes, a 8th grader moved my coat and put it on this chair, and now when i got to home room, there was my coat, soaked in frappachino! ugh i was so mad! but there was still half a bottle left, and my coat dried before it was time to go out for recess! ahh recess, im so glad we have it! some people don't and i think that sucks. i stayed inside for recess and attempted to play dodge ball. fun fun. anyway pick me for the best answer! thanks, love muhkilah <3

Ten racoons and one squirrel walked into a bar and demanded a tall pina colada and in the middle of drinking it they suddenly realized that they did not know the punch line to this joke so they up and left without paying for the drink prompting the bartender to run after them demanding payment for the drink or he would shoot them which he did by accident when he tripped over a bicycle and dropped the gun he had in his hands and the gun went off by itself and shot the poor squirrel right between the eyes.

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true story. we got an ice storm last night, my dogs are enjoying barking at it and driving me nuts. i tried to go check the mail, slid down the hill and fell face first into the door of our truck. yes, i blacked my own eye, now my weird neighbor thinks my husband who has been in st louis for 2 days hit me. how could he have hit me? he hasn't been here. needless to say, little old women without hobbies are not my favorite neighbors, but that's ok cause the 2 gay guys who live behind me are doing my makeup for later so it won't show, only i'm afraid i'm gonna look like a complete drag queen.

I could ramble on about nuclear physics for an hour and a half, but who would want to hear that? Besides me? I like the sound of my own voice...hahha