How can I hide how upset I am?

Don't hide it. Hiding feelings is not a great idea. You should be open with your husband.

The first thing is you should probably find out how much truth is behind it before you get yourself worked up. Perhaps she sent out other cards to other people, and got carried away....and wrote it on the bottom of your card without thinking. I know those errors can be made, because I have done them.....especially when you get in a rythem of sending out a group of cards.

So, just talk to him about it. Camly. Say, "did we send her something I am forgetting about"....and see how he handles it....go from there. Let him know you are curious about it, but not that you are blaming him for anything. If you approach it in a positive way, he is much more apt to be honest with you up front.

If all else fails, write her a letter back......"I am so glad you liked MY gift. It was nice of you to appreciate it so much. And it was great hearing back from you. I hope your holiday season is going well".

=)

Good luck!

Just show him the card and ask him what she meant by her note. If it's nothing he should be able to tell you when & why he sent her a gift and then you can decide how to handle it. The fact that you exchange Christmas cards with someone your husband used to date is weird. That should stop immediately since there's obviously something there since he thought enough to send her a gift for some reason. The fact that she is married & he is married has no relevance since that never stopped anyone from having an affair or an inappropriate relationship. If I were you I would ask him what the note is all about, he has some explaining to do!

I don't think hiding it is the answer.

Ask him about it.

Give him a chance to explain.

You only read the bottom of a Christmas card, and your jumping to conclusions without getting his side of the story.

You said yourself it was a generic card.

Is it possible that she took a pile of cards and filled them out before putting them in the envelopes and putting "thanks for the gift" on the bottom of yours was an accident?

Maybe she put "thanks for the gift" on a number of cards.

I know your mind is racing with all kinds of things over this.

You say you have been married for years.

Doesn't that give him the benefit of the doubt?

Doesn't he deserve the opportunity to explain?

You know him better than any of us, would he really run behind your back and send a gift to a married woman if he knew it would upset you?

I know most of the woman here on answers will be telling you to cut his balls off.

But give the guy a chance, and get it all out in the open.

Good or bad, you will feel better and at least know the truth.

Good luck.

Maybe he thinks of her as an old time good friend. In that case there is no problem of him sending her a gift. Or your husband didn't send her a gift and the other lady was joking. Maybe your husband didn't want to tell you that he was going to get her a gift because you would freak out like you are doing right now.

My friend gave me good advice before. She said don't question your man about Every little thing. Wait for the "big one" (big problem) to really have to go off on him with 50 questions... and in my opinion.. this is a BIG one, hell yeah i'd be mad too. I'd definetely use your one free 50 question card on this one to find out what the deal is. It might be nothing, but if he did send something, i'd want to know, did he send it specifically to her? or was the "gift" something for the whole family? Maybe he sent a gift card or something to her and her husband? I'd ask a few questions, and perhaps think abuot crossing that family off the Christmas card list! Its to weird!!!

Why would you want to hide it?

If it made you feel jealous, hurt, saddened or however, you should make that clear to him.

If you don't let your husband knows it bothers you, how is he going to know he shouldn't do it in the future? You are his wife, this woman is an old flame. You obviously mean more to him than this other woman does, so if he's informed he's done something to hurt you, that's not something he's going to want to do again.

But if you don't tell him, he will never know. You can't hide it completely, so he's going to wonder why you're being different and it could lead to a fight. It's better to just ask him about it.

I don't see why this has to be a confrontation. Your tone and expression will say it all and can start a fight simply by making him defensive. Why not try saying, "Um honey, what did you send her?" I'll bet you he'll say, "Send who what?" You should be able to tell from his tone if he is hiding something, but not if you make him feel he is being attacked. You have to be nonchalant about this.

Besides, it isn't like she is hiding it. Chance is she got the cards mixed up or thinks a gift was from him when it was someone else.

As simply as asking him?

Don't expect the problem to solve itself; if you bottle it up, you will fill yourself with repressed feelings of anger and hurt that will possibly burst out terribly one day.

I find communication is the best key. Right now, you're jumping to a conclusion. But what if she had written lots of cards, most of them to people who had sent gifts? Maybe she kept copying the same text and accidentally copied that. Or maybe your husband really does care enough to do that. Maybe there's more between them.

But there is only one way to know and to maintain a healthy relationship.

Why hide it? Ask him about it and let him know that it bothers you. Tell him that you care about his ex as well and would like to have been included in giving her the gift. Obviously she thought it was from the both of you if she wrote that on a card for the both of you, so I seriously doubt that it is as big as you are making it out to be.

Hiding feelings is not the way to have an open honest relationship....but dont jump to conclusions either. Calmy ask him what she meant and what the gift was. Then calmly ask him why he didnt include you. Listen to your heart but control it! Dont let your emotions take over. But you need to be a detective and find out what the heck is going on here! Good luck sweetie, chances are its nothing...but if it is you have the right to know.