I fear for my 3 year old son.?

You have so many answers already.

As far as psychiatrists are concerned, I would wait, I wouldn't do it yet. You can try a physician - very often there is problem that can be changed with a different diet for example - or just a problem that manifests itself as a mental problem but can be solved by a physician. A proper check by a child doctor might be a good first step.

Regarding psychiatry, watch following document

A must see new document - story told by psychiatrists, psychologists and other professionals - it CAN save your life

http://www.cchr.org/#/videos/making-a-killing-intr...

Alternatively read this chapter

Children

http://www.scientologyhandbook.org/SH14.HTM

Further, if you want to understand more your son and your wife, read bestseller DIANETICS - THE MODERN SCIENCE OF MENTAL HEALTH, you can get lots of answers from there as well.

http://www.dianetics.org/

For starters don't discredit his fear, be understanding when he expresses that he doesn't want to be alone. I would begin a nightly routine that makes going to bed a fun thing, nice warm soothing bath, Mom and or Dad tucking him in, giving him a favorite snuggle toy and reading him a story or two. If after the story he hasn't drifted off or protests being left alone I would stay with him until he drifts off but make sure he remains in his bed. He is very young and needs reassurance that you will be there for him. You can't leave him when he is frightened after all he is looking to you to make him feel secure. Just gentle reminders that he is safe and you are there are enough, don't mention any specifics and give him ideas on what to focus his unknown fear on. Above all do not say to him that there is nothing to be afraid of,t his sends a mixed signal that you are not legitamizing or believing what he is feeling is true. This is a phase so realize it will pass, my daughter went through this as well. It is probably a good idea at this time to just do a little checking about what he is seeing or hearing throughout the day. Is he seeing television that might not be proper for his age, news and commercials for crime shows or things like that can leave the little mind to wander. Also some kid programs might upset him in a way that adults might not really consider, cartoons with a scary dog or something of that nature. Good luck and I hope he is sleeping comfortably soon, you too :)

OMG my son is almost the same way. I am been at a lost with him. We put him in time out and he just screams more or starts hitting his head against the wall. He doesn't really listen at all. We tell him not to do things and he screams back. I have really had it with him. I have looked up allergies that can cause behaviorl problems and it says Milk and Wheat can cause these. Well I took my son off Milk for about a week and he seemed like a different kid, he didn't scream as much and actually seemed like a nice boy. Then just recently we put him back on Milk and he is bad to the same boy thats hard to live with. So starting tomorrow I am taking him back off the Milk to see if there's a difference again. I am trying to figure this out. I am really going crazy too.

As for the sleeping problem you need to make a routine, like he gets a bath at the same time everynight then brush his teeth, read a book and then bed time. If he keeps getting out of his bed, DON'T say anything to him, just put him back in his bed. You will have to do this over and over until he goes to sleep. But after a few nights he will get it and this won't be a problem anymore. I have 3 kids and my two older ones have a bed time routine and they know when its bed time. My third kid is only 2.5 months so she is not on that schedule just yet.

I promise you if you do this bed time thing for a few days straight you will be so happy. It will be tough but in the long run great for the whole family.

You should also try taking him off MILK and put him on Lactaid for about 1-2 weeks and see if there is a difference in his behavior. I buy the whole milk Lactaid and then I only put half milk/half water. I do this cause my son likes to drink too much and doesn't eat enough.

Good Luck, I feel for you, as I am in the same position. I want my son better too.

Most of this sounds to me like there are 2 major issues: You and Mom don't agree and don't work as a team...Kids are smart and he knows you two are not a team and he can manipulate at least one of you. The other is that it sounds like these actions of his are purely for attention. Kids will do anything for attention...even if it is negative. Throwing stuff and breaking things is a ploy for attention. When my oldest first tried to tantrum, I simply stated my reasoning for his time out or why he couldn't do something...etc... and if he threw a fit, I walked away. I told him I would not speak to him until he calmed down and could talk to me nicely. And NO MATTER WHAT HE DID...I totally ignored it. Even if I had to remove everyone from the room to stay away from him. He is 4 now and never tantrums....EVER! As soon as your son realizes he isn't going to be given in to...he will stop. It may take a while, but eventually it will stop. As for bed time, maybe it is time to stop naps. If he's up til 11pm bouncing off the walls, try skipping the nap. My oldest stopped napping at about 3 years 4 months. He now sleeps from 7:30pm to 7:30 am like clockwork.

But, you may have too much on your hands at this point. Make an appointment with the pediatrician and discuss these behaviors. Then mom won't get upset about the psychiatrist issue, and you can get some good sound advice from a professional. Talk to mom and decide from now on how situations will be handled and STICK WITH IT! Her giving in to the cinnamon roll when you said no just tells your son that you are not someone who he has to listen to. It also teaches him that if he acts up...mom will be a pushover and give him what he wants. You have to be a team...period. He needs to know that you and mom are in control and that he can not change your mind with a tantrum. Lay on the praise when he does right too. That is more important than anything. Kids LOVE it when they are caught being good. They love to hear how great you think they are and will try to get more of that praise.

You also need to pay close attention to your oldest letting him know that little one's actions are not right (but not in front of the little guy of course). Definitely get some advice from a pediatrician...or your whole family will be affected. Sorry things are going so rough. :( Stick to your guns and do it for the well being of the whole family. Sorry this is so long.

Well, sounds like you've got two big problems--the child and his mom. He may have had a slight prediliction for the violence, but with his mom rewarding it, it's not likely to get much better any time soon.

When my son does this kind of stuff, I bodily put him in the corner and hold him there. If he becomes destructive, I sit on him, though not with my entire weight. If he escalates when he's being restrained, he gets a swat on the bottom. He escalates further, he gets a harder swat. I give him a five count to get control of himself in between. He decides how far the punishment goes. If he runs me at the end of the day, I ground him to the table for the next day. That's right--he will sit at the table with no television, radio, just books and crayons for hours and hours. They get a break at dinner time, or they can do chores if they can't stand the sitting anymore. Believe me, when you're only choice is to sit at the table or clean the bathroom, you get a whole new perspective on life. Boredom is the best punishment for kids. They may or may not remember a spanking but they will remember being grounded to the table for several hours or a couple days.

He used to do the thing where he'd misbehave, then push it to where I had to intervene physically, then cry to him mom that I was hurting him. Naturally it would pluck her strings and she'd stick up to me. Then I pointed it out to her that he would only do that crap when she was there and that's how he'd play it. She caught it in an instant. Once we started showing a united front the crazy tantrums went out the window within a couple weeks. I can assure you he did not want his mom on my side because her punishments are long and rough--I know because I've endured them myself.

It's definitely worthwhile to talk to his pediatrician about this, but there are very few psychiatric drugs that would be wise to give to a child that young. Based on the other qualities you've described, it doesn't sound like he has a major psychological problem. He's got a fighter's personality and just needs guidance and tough discipline until he learns how to direct himself as a gentleman.

If you can get his mom on board, this won't be hard to solve. If you can't, you will have a tough road to hoe for the next several years.

Super Nanny! No, I mean that is an option but it seems to me you have something here that needs tending too before he is 5, then six, then 12 and so on. I highly suggest talking to a doctor. You could just call and discuss the issues and then go from there.

I do not have children of my own but have been around them and raised my siblings. My younger brother has a nasty temper. He is now 15 and has pretty good control and handles almost all situations great. BUT if you really piss him off he has zero control. I almost wish he had some anger management tips or something for when he isn't humble.

Talk to a doctor. Talk to your wife. Tell her there is clearly SOME problem. With kids is can be as easy as having an ear infection or physical pain that they don't know how to tell you about. Could be emotional....do you spend enough time with him? Regardless of his actions?

Look beyond him. Look within your family system. Best of luck to you!!

Absolutely do take him to a psychiatrist. Much better to have them tell you he is normal and have wasted your time then to leave him with a serious problem and do nothing about it.

You really must talk to mom and come to an agreement on how you will handle him and his problems. If the two of you do not treat him in a consistent fashion, you may be creating his behavioral issues. Consistency of discipline is very important.

I have a child who was much like that when he was young. Tantrums were a daily part of life. In daycare we were regularly told that, as a toddler, he was being abusive to the infants. He had zero respect for authority. etc...

We kept telling doctors, teacher, school counselors, etc that we knew things were not right with him, but they kept just telling us that it was our fault because we were not consistent enough with discipline. Yeah right. This wasn't just a misbehaving kid. It was much more than that. Something was wrong.

As he started to get a little older it became apparent that he had some sort of learning disability as well. He couldn't speak nearly as clearly as other kids his age. His movements were much more clumsy and awkward than other kids his age. We were getting calls sometimes as much as 3 or 4 days a week telling us to come pick him up from school because he was getting into too much trouble. We even took 'parenting' classes to see if we could somehow help him by becoming better parents. Implementing the techniques taught only made his behavior worse.

Eventually we managed to find a therapist who believed that something was actually wrong and started to provide us with some support. Just having someone on our side helped a lot even though I don't think she really accomplished much. We finally got a diagnosis of ADHD and later aspergers syndrome and started getting him some help.

We started getting him medicated. We went through one med combination after another taking as many as 10 - 12 pills per day for years trying to find something that would help him. We had limited success and he would calm down for a month or two here and there, but then the effects of the meds just seemed to fade away...

After years of fighting with the schools we finally (through a move to a new school district) got him into a special ed class where he can get special help and attention. Now he is finally learning things that he should have learned years ago.

Recently, at 12 years old, he was given a diagnosis of high functioning autism. We now have meds that actually seem to be working well. Not so well that he can be considered normal, but better than he has ever been in his life up until now.

I had wondered for years if he will ever be able to function in society when he gets older. Now I believe that he just might. I don't know if he can ever prosper, but I think he might be able to at least get by. That is a huge step from where we were a few years ago.

If there is a real problem you have to do whatever it takes and fight for that kid so you can try to help him with his problems early in life. The longer you wait the more difficult it might become. I wish you the best of luck.

If you are really concerned, have a serious talk with your wife and tell her you want to take him to get evaluated. He might be fine but if there is an issue you want to find out, and do what you can to help him. You are his father and love him and want to do what is in his best interest. There is no harm in getting him checked. If you get him checked out and there is nothing wrong then great, if there is you will deal with it. It is your job to do everything you can to raise a happy healthy child. You dont wish him to have problems, you just want him to get help if he needs it, again it is your job.

Now, you are describing my daughter to a T, she is also 3. I also have a 5 year old mild mannered son. I have come to realize it is her personality, she is so much like my husband. She is strong willed and wants what she wants. She has gotten much better, I dont have a blind eye when it comes to her, I just want her to be happy and nice to others. It is hard work to find out what her needs are and not to give in...ever. Pick your battles carefully and stick to your guns. I have found putting her in her room alone just makes it worse, she gets more angry. I go to her room with her, try and calm her down and talk about what she is feeling and why she did what she did. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. Also when she is going into a tantrum or is having one I try and distract her and do something calming, take a bath, read a story or color. sometimes she just needs my attention, at this age for some children it is hard for them to deal with their emotions and her way of reacting is hitting, pushing or screaming (she rarely has does these things any more, she is getting older and can voice what she wants and is able to cope better now...it took some work, and many many stressful times. everyone has different personalities and my 2 children are night and day.

tell your wife YOU will take him, if you feel the need and if they find something is wrong you will deal with it together. Some people dont want to find out something is wrong because they dont want to deal with it or think they did something wrong. Dont use the word psychiatrist with your wife, talk to his doctor and have him evaluated for behavioral issues. If he needs a psychiatrist, that will come later when and if he is diagnosed. Good Luck, I hope your wife comes around, if not you are his parent and can take him yourself if you feel the need. Call his pediatrition, or make an appointment to talk with them alone to see what they think, and go from there.

It sounds like you are frustrated, and I would be too. I'll address a couple of problems, in order of importance, the first probably being getting him to bed tonight. Go into his room. Tell him he needs to go to sleep or he will be tired tomorrow. Put him in his bed, and tell him you'll be back in a while. Then shut his door. Leave him. If he screams and cries, leave him for a few minutes. Then go back in. Tell him that if he will not lay down and go to bed, he will lose privileges tomorrow. Make that something that he is used to early in the morning, like TV after breakfast or playing in the snow after church. I don't know, but make it almost immediate after he wakes up. If he still will not lay down, hold him to it, and this is going to sound mean, but tie his door shut. Put a nail into the wall outside his door and tie his door shut. If he gets that he MUST sleep, he will eventually lay down. Or he will scream and keep everyone else up. :) But you need to establish with him that when you say 'No,' or you say 'Go to bed,' that means do it. You may have to move him, at least until you get him to go to bed more easily, somewhere where he can't bug his other siblings. Try that. You may have to just let him exhaust himself to sleep.

The next issue is his aggression. I would take him to his pediatrician first, who will evaluate him. Talk to his teachers, if he goes to school, and ask if they see the same issues. Ask them for advice. Then go to his pediatrician. You may have to do this without your wife's approval, and she will most likely be angry. Think as she yells at you that it is for you son's own good. Then think it again.

I have a quick question- Is your son's timeout in a place that is secluded, like a laundry room? If you have a laundry room, bathroom or walk in closet that can be 'aggression-safed', so that he can't pull anything off, it might make him calmer. Also, how long are the timeouts? Make them longer if he doesn't have time to calm down. Or just tell him that when he is ready to act acceptable, he may join the rest of the family, but until then he will be in timeout.

For everything that he breaks, damages or throws on the ground, have him walk with you to pick out 1 thing he will lose for a week. Put these in a lockbox, locker or trunk, and tell him that he will get them back in a week, no exceptions. Take everything that he doesn't need out of his room if this doesn't work. Tell him his room is not a place to play anymore, it is a place to sleep.

The biting and hitting is worrisome, and I can tell you are worried, too. Everytime he bites, pull your hand away, take his chin in one hand, and carry him to time out. Everytime he hits, grab his arm, and do the same thing. Tell Grandma and Grandpa about this, too.

I've attached a few links to help you along on your Treachorous Three's journey. The first 2 are for sleeping, and the next 2 for agression. The last 2 are for problems and disorders kids can have that can cause this kind of behavior.

Most behaviors are learned. If she acts in a similar way likely he's learned it from her. Giving in makes problems worse too. The behaviors will get worse if he thinks he'll get his own way for them. Keep your discipline as calm as can be. Even when he's throwing a tantrum remain calm. Talk him through it. Be loving and positive. Three year olds can understand what you are saying. When a no is given offer an alternative yes. Children act as they see others act. They become what they see.