Why would you assume the worst of your grown children?

My mom does that too. She was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's and so everybody thinks that's the reason why (and an excuse for) her being paranoid and mean, but the truth is that she was always that way and has just gotten worse. I moved in with her to take care of her after she broke her second hip, and now she would be in a facility if I weren't here, but when she gets angry she says horrible things, like that I begged her to let me move in and that I would be homeless if it weren't for her, etc. When she really gets going, she tells me to get out. And sometimes it's "You just want to put me away so you can take my money," or "You're just waiting for me to die so you can have the house and my money." It's hard sometimes.

I have grown children and I would never think the worst of them!!!

Wow are you and I siblings :)

I have a mother just like that.

My father passed away with Cancer two years ago.

I have forgive her for being her but I do stay away from her.

I know my dad would want me more in her life but I can't any more . She could never love me the way a mother should love her child

One thing that I really learned the hard way, when I was about 25 years old, is that seeking my parents' approval caused more problems than it solved. If you are truly an adult, then you should be able to love your parents, do what you can for your parents, and live your own life without seeking their approval. Your parents will always have opinions; and the best you can do is listen, and then make your own decision without worrying about what mom or dad will think. Some people, parents included, are just not capable of giving us praise, and so we must learn to feel confident ourselves. Do what makes you feel proud, without waiting for it to be recognized, and you'll find life far easier to navigate.

The next time this happens be sure to tell her that you will not be coming to live with them because you have a home and a job and don't need a place to stay.

She doesn't think you are the worst child. She just can't face the fact that she needed help. This has nothing to do with you.

Refer her to senior and chronically ill care in her town. There are all kinds of help for them.

And be sure she understands that you can't leave a good job to run to them at a drop of a hat.

Once the children have grown up and are out on their own then it is time for the parents to consider making out the Durable Power of Attorney ,the Will and usually final arrangements, as well There I have encountered that distrust in our children was fed to us, in that way the Legal offices would take care of this need. I personally have given a lot of thought to this, and decided that my girls. both, well behaved children and have given me no difficulties, were good in their Academic achievements, and both were gainfully employed, came home as much as possible, should be trusted. So far I am glad I made that decision. One comes to her Dads, aid, when possible, having 2 children, working full time does not leave much time. My second girl has no children is married and they both do a lot of things for us. I am sorry that your Dad had cancer, and that certainly was devastating news for your Mom and made her turn to you for help. Perhaps you could put your Mom at ease, by letting her know that you are not there to get the inheritance, but rather to help out and will not be staying when you are no longer needed.Mom may feel uneasy, that you have come to her aid, and given so much without considering yourself ,your residence and your job change. Perhaps. some talking out is in order, and assuring Mom that what you have done does not need any recompense, and it was done, in return for both having been wonderful parents. Consider the age of your parents, when we get older, our expression in not as clear as we like it to be. These are my thoughts, I hope you see your parents and their needs that you met so lovingly, and gain some understanding of your Moms response. Talk with her often, and it will get cleared up.

I think it's "fear"!!! Fear that you may turn out different!! It's tough raising kids these days! I see so many kids that have the wool pulled over their parents eyes!!! My mom has a unique technique to turn things around to fit her needs!!! Good luck you sound like a good person and think about your dad and not her....she may be a little jealous because you dropped everything for dad and probably wonders if you would have done it for you!! That's the way my mom thinks anyway!!!!

My mom has had to rely on all of her grown children for everything for the past 10 years. It really makes her feel bad, so she is constantly trying to put a positive spin on the situation. She does not realize it, but she sounds extremely negative with her comments. It often sounds like criticism, mistrust and bitterness. We try to realize her intent is to feel better about herself, and we must bite our tongues often...but she is our mother and she deserves our respect. It seems as though you should be able to tell her how you feel. but when we tried that, she took it as criticism, and got angry, made some very nasty comments. None of us could figure it out. So we have decided to be as kind and respectful as possible and ignore the negative. It keeps the peace, even if we sometimes are hurt by it. I will say that we are fortunate to be able to talk about it (among the siblings) it does make it a bit easier to bear.

Best wishes to you, hope things are better now!

We just like to be around you a little more. I don't think the worst about mine. It's hard to be dependent on your children when they were dependent on you for so long. Nobody wants to be dependent on others and you feel you have lost something if there is no real choice. We try to make excuses for that dependence like helping you out instead of you helping them out. Just love them and keep in touch as they will always love you regardless of what else happens in yours or their lives.

My aunt adopted me at a very early age & she was like your mom, in that respect. She was always so negative & didn't have a positive bone in her body. She had a rough life growing up, so you'd think she would have wanted better for me, but that wasn't to be. In my aunt's case, she was filled with anger & bitterness. She was the Queen when it came to thinking the worst of me or anyone as far as that goes. It hurt me deeply to be treated this way all of my life, but now, I chalk it up to her being one miserable person all of her life. I'm sorry your mom is always thinking the worse also. It doesn't feel very good & hurts as I look back.

I think that you mum loves you very much. Unfortunately, she doesn't have the skills to show it in a proper manner. Instead she is controlling and manipulating in order to keep you close to her. She turns the story of help around because she wants to feel needed.

This is unfair behaviour towards you. Be responsible and help your parents, but don't become the parent. They have their lives and you have yours; live it! Don't let them control you.

Have a plan and stick to it. Visit them once a week, any more is not your duty.