How do you begin to move on after 10 years?

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. The first thing you do is NOT to look for someone else right now, but to gain your emotional strength back. There is going to be a void, an empty place and you're going to have withdraws, but it's temporary. Over a year ago I lost my fiance, even though it wasn't a 10 year relationship with a child involved, it was still hard to get over, but knowing that time and trying to think positive about the future helped me move on. I have no clue what you must be feeling since it's probably 10 times worse. Don't worry about trying to attract anyone right now. It's not fair to a woman to be with a man that carries baggage because he's not over a hurt that was in the past. That doesn't mean you will someday not hurt over this, but that someday, you will look back on this an be happy you aren't with someone who was disloyal to you. But, it still can't be helped that you will be asking yourself 'why' for probably years to come... Just keep stepping forward, try not to live in the past and worry about what you wish you could have done or said different, or what you wish your lives could be. It will make a sane man go crazy to do that. Please, please, don't look at dating web-sites. Chances are, they are women online just looking to get attention, but that's my personal opinion.

How I moved on: Working out-- Running is the best workout you could do! I saw my ex on his motorcycle with another girl last year, that day, I started running and haven't stopped. It feels great! I also stopped watching anything in the movies or on TV about romance or relationships because it only made me sad again, I pierced my ears (Haha, I know, kinda juvenile, but changing myself a little bit actually helped), I drove everywhere, once to the ocean where I walked on the beach and just enjoyed the beauty (and imagined myself being swallowed up by a shark-- honestly speaking here...), My sister's have been a great help to me too, as I didn't have any friends at the time either. Relying on my family has helped me to appreciate them so much more.

I went down-hill after he left. Before he left, I quit my jobs and was looking for a job, I had taxes overdue, medical bills from being sick in the hospital, and a future that went up in flames. I got to the point where I couldn't get myself out of bed, I was that depressed because I loved him.... I still care about him, in a different way now. I will never give him another chance because of what he put me through, but a part of me will miss those good times. I smile thinking about the good times and know that some day it will happen for me again....

As for your little guy... If you choose to have a custody battle during the divorce and you get him for half the time, it will be hard for your son. He'll miss mom when he's not with her. He'll miss his Dad when he's not with you. I work with children his age. Children are very much emotionally attached to their mother at this age. They also watch closely and learn most from the Father figure at this age. Even though at this age, it might seem like he loves his mom more, but he needs you too, don't forget that. And you just wait until he's 5 or 6, he'll be wanting Daddy all the time. =)

Sorry to hear of your heartaches. And yes this will not any get easier for at least a few months. I think divorce is harder than a death in the family but just like death eventually you do just have to pull it together and move on. The two year old is one very important part of this. You should decide right now how much you are willing to fight for this child to be part of your life. In my experiance young mothers tend to turn to the new man to serve the role of father to a child that young unless the childs actual father steps the issue right to the forfront from the get go. And a suprising number of Dads seem to be alright with that until the child is about six and then some of them have stitched their lives back into shape and suddenly want the child back into their lives. But it never works very well if they didnt do the work when the child was 2 and 3 and 4. So thats question number one. Do sit on your heels if it matters deeply to you how this Dad thing turns out.

Second there are a lot of young women out there who deserve better than they got the first time around too. Don't feel so all alone. You may already know a few... young single mothers devoting their lives to raising children and just as afraid that they are doomed to a go nowhere love life as your are. Find them and treat them with the respect and gentlness they need even as they work so hard to be supermom. Dont push just lift them up and be a friend. Life is a renewable resourse if we do the right things with it.

Getting your own place is a good start, and no it will not be easy, but it has to be, maybe more than a dating site, you need to find a friend, an old good friend, or someone in your family, maybe someone from work, someone to talk about things, to hang out, or do something different, fishing, sports, or whatever you care for before

Finding a new partner, that will come with time, but don't make it your priority, being alone and vulnerable is a bad place and can be the reason of even more mistakes,

About your son, make plans for the times you will have with him, it will help making them extra special for you and him and will give you something to do and keep you busy, signing for a kiddie class, daddy and me time, and will give you a chance to meet other people, too

Ten years is a long time, but it is not lifetime, your life is now in your hands, and you will do the best you can with it, use your time to improve your work, or take that class you always wanted, look into that hobby she never supported you with, just think positive and try to keep yourself busy, every time you are having to much to think about the bad stuff, get up and do something good, for yourself

On the other hand, you are still co-parenting, so try to keep your relation simple and in as good as possible terms with her, so please don't forget that everything you do now, has to be with your son first in your mind, even if she is not thinking the same way, you be the better person for that precious angel of yours

Good luck,

Personally I don't think it will help because no matter where you move to there will always be horrible people who affect you in some way or another. When I was in year 7 I had a similar problem. But I found that the more relaxed I was and the less shy and paranoid I was the more I found that people weren't as bad as I thought. Maybe you could try joining some groups organised by the school to get you working as a team and making new friends. Don't worry too much. And always tell someone who cares for you whats on your mind , it helps :)

you know what sometimes I sit in denial over a marriage that I have hanging by a string. Just like you I desperatly am hanging on to what little string I have right now.

Seperation is hard for me as well..but, I have not given up entirely on my marriage. I still love my husband and I vow not to divorce him. I do vow to make the changes I need to right now to save us. And he I pray will do the same. Only God can help us.

You must decide right now if this marriage is worth fighting for even if she has feelings for someone else.

Take mental notes of what needs to change. And CHANGE it. Because, Change is not change unless there is change.

You still have a wife..and if there is one thing I'm learning from my experience is that it's all in the power of your words.

And even though from time to time your son is with you it does'nt change the fact that the emptiness you feel inside is from missing your WIFE.

You were chosen for her and although things look rough right now, it was just an interference in the plan for your life. You can fix it. Look into some counseling. If you have a church home go there..they can help you.

And above all else,

Don't give up. Until the very second she signs the divorce paper there is still a fighting chance. Remember that.

I'm sorry to hear your sad news. I myself have been struggling in my marriage as well and still am...This is the next chapter of in your life. Stay in close touch with your family members and relatives because they can give you the support to overcome this difficult time. Keep yourself busy with activities for example join the local club or take up a new hobby or even part-time studying something you've always wanted to but never had the time in the past. Being active helps a lot with the healing process and try not to think about being lonely. When you don't think about it--who knows, you might find a new someone. Take this divorce as a learning experience in your life--we all have to go thru various kinds of obstacles in order to grow. I hope this wasn't too harsh?

First of all, ditch the idea of "dating sites" at this stage of the game. It's friends that you need, not another relationship. Get involved in a group that has similar interests as you, take a class at the local college, join a gym. The important thing is to keep yourself healthy, both physically and mentally. If you do go to a dating website, opt for friendships only. That is not to say that you won't click with someone you ultimately like, but it keeps the chances of offending someone down. Good luck!

Bury yourself in your work, enjoy the time you spend with your son. Go places with him if you can, McDonald's, playground, library for story time. When your son is not there, keep yourself as busy as you can. If you live in your own place, paint, fix, clean, whatever it takes. Start going to the park, jog, join a club, if you don't have the money, ride a bike every day. You will feel that your anxiety can be relieved with physical activities. Cry if you have to. Your feelings of pain and sorrow will soon turn to anger, then eventually relief. Because in the end it will be better to be alone that suffer with someone at your side who is miserable and that is what both you and your son would have turned out to be as well. Good luck

first of all change your nick name. If you Micky mouse on dating sites i think that scares woman more then you having a child :)

woman naturally have nurturing instinct so you will be surprise how many woman will want to care about you and baby you. Start from making friends - first you need to get over your wife, and only when you ready start the relationship. NOw learn yourself - what you like, what you wanted to do but couldnt while being married and do that. learn to leave for your self then everything will come together. good luck

P.S. it ALWAYS sux, so hang on - there will be days that you will feel much better

I think right now you need to concentrate on yourself. Your wife may have moved on, but you obviously haven't. Take the next 6 months to a year, and yes, I'm being serious, to renew your life. Go out and get a hobby, put effort into your work and relationship with your son. He will be having a hard time with the sudden change in relationship and not seeing you everyday. Your wife will get what's coming to her and trust me, she deserves it. After you feel that you are ready, love will come find you. Just for right now, try to get your life in order. You'll have some dark moments, but you WILL survive. Trust me! The sun doesn't stop rising and setting because your heart is broken, you will move on and your life will get better!

I wish you lots of luck!