Question on gifts for my teen step-girls?

Question

For Xmas I gave the girls, 12 and 13, a set of Vera (each got a big tote bag, back sack, purse and some cosmetic bags and pencil cases). I made sure first that they knew about the brand and that they were popular bags at their high schohol. And the girls know they were a little pricey so no loaning a bag to a pal, or leaving them sit in the cafateria. We told them use them and enjoy them but be careful with them. Since I got the bags on sale at the Vera site, I went ahead and got them each a purse for Easter and the youngest a new tote bag for her "graduation" to the high school from middle school and I put those back to give later on.

Now here is the rub-they are not taking care of the bags they got at Xmas. They overload them with books (which their dad said not to do), they have hung a ton of keychains off of the purses they got. The youngest let a friend borrow a bag for a trip and she is also not using a very nice very pricey coat we got her to match the bags she got (her sister said she lost it, which fits as she has lost 2 ipods and a gameboy). I am so bummed that they aren't taking care of the items that I spent a lot to get for them. I am a big Vera Bradley nut (havce over 20 bags) and they seemed to like them-so I was thinking they would take care of them. Seeing how this has played out up to now-I am rethinking giving them the other Vera items had put back for them. If they don't take care of what they have-I really can't see giving them more to tear up. But I feel a little guilty for not giving them the bags since I got them for the girls. And at the same time the idea of them treating a new batch of $45-89 bags the way they have the xmas ones makes me feel ill. 

Should I just admit that at 12 and 13 they just don't know how to take care of thier stuff? My hubby had long ago set up a policy of not giving them really nice clothes (designer) or really complex toys because they have 2 young and destrutive sibllings at their mom's home. I told him when we were dating, if you don't show them how/why we do take care of stuff they won't learn. I don't know if they just don't care or what the issue is but once I got him to start giving them things they had to be more careful with-they have without fail lost the items, the younger kids have gotten them and torn them up, or they just don't use them. I am about to the point my hubby was 6 years ago-there is no point to get them nice stuff they won't take care of or appreciate. My 3 year old son takes better care of his things than they do (he even told me once to get my bag off the dirty floor cause the dog mite chew it). I guess I am just feeling bad about rethinking the gifts and realizing the girls aren't the type to really want the work that goes with taking care of what they have been given. UGH.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

they are young, 12 and 13.  while i see your point of wanting them to care for lovely things you have to remeber that they are children still.  do with the other bags as you wish.  you can give them to them at a later time or when you originally planned to.  you just cannot be mad at them for putting keychains on them and carrying books in them because that is what 12 and 13 yr old do!

and what lovely gift ideas!  i would love a gift like that and i am 27!

zekemarie · Answer

I guess I just wonder if you are giving them things valuable to you or them? The price tag isn't what makes them valuable it's the heart or desire to have it. A $50 -$80 gift for Christmas is reasonable not too much. My 20 yr old wouldn't take care of a Vera bag cause it's not her passion, now when I got her the Dooney and Burk, she cherishes it. It was valuable to her. On another note, they are using it, maybe not how you want them to, but none the less, they use it. Any 12 or 13 yr old is going to "outlast" the gift. It should be the enjoyment they get out of it, not you. Ask them what they would love to have and that they wouldn't want anything to happen to, go with that. I think that is what will start them appreciating their things.

*princess megz* · Answer

Maybe you shouldn't have bought a twelve and a thirteen year old a Vera Bradley bag.  Partially because you should have waited and seen how they take care of their other things before giving them something super expensive, and also because Vera Bradley bags are a fad and they will eventually go out of style.  Are you prepared to deal with the fact they they don't want a $100 purse but want the Coach bag because "everyone else has it?"  Because it's bound to happen.

And no, if they're not going to take care of their things, then don't buy them nice stuff.  It's what my mom did, and now I take care of things like nice clothes, purses, and shoes.  It's just all my jeans and t-shirts I tend to not care about.

manda · Answer

i think that after the first ipod, they shouldn't have got a second. but take the first bags away, they will throw a fit, but tell them that they aren't taking care of them and until they prove they will, they can't have it. tell them that there are people that don't have that stuff and they would love to have the bags and would definitely take better care of them. and i wouldn't give them the other bags until they learn to take care of stuff that they don't pay for. tell them to do chores to get the purses back, to show responsibility. i hope this helps =]

gypsydawn1017 · Answer

quit buying them nice things. If they have cheaper stuff it doesn't make you so mad when they ruin or lose them. After a while of not having the newest hot items when they do get them they will learn to appriciate them more. I done this with my 14 yr old daughter.

a rose by any other name · Answer

Obviously they're not ready for nice things, start with a cheaper-type purse and work up to more expensive stuff if you want.

Trending News

Question on gifts for my teen step-girls?

6 Answers