My sexually abused past is affecting my future... please help?

I'm sorry for what you've been through. I'd say counselling is your best option as it helps you to explore and talk about your problems, and can help you deal with the past in a safe, secure environment. You can choose whether your counsellor will be male or female so no need to worry about that. There may be special counselling for abuse in your area. I'm not sure. I think the specialised counselling is better than the 'normal' NHS route. I went to the GP and was given the option of different counselling so maybe you will be able to?

Hope that helps. Regards.

x

you really need to get the courage to talk to your parents about it. No one will fully understand the story behind u being bi if they dont know the full story. And your brother?? they need to know the truth- they need to know what he did to u, and he needs to know that he is the one responsible. I was molested by my uncle when i was 8, then later raped by a fam friend when i was 18...and all this fucked me up. I have toxic relationships with guys, and i thought i was bi once upon a time. But with stuff like this is that u can be one of two things: a les or bi, or totally promiscuous with guys. I, unfortunately was the second option. I acted out my pain in crazy ways and did so many things im not proud of today. Im currently in counselling and on anti-depressants...and finally told my fam the whole truth about why im the mess that im in. It was hard, and initially no one belived me....but hey, im part of the fam n why would i lie abt something like that after so many yrs have gone by.

There are female therapists. I tell u, i went to so many counselors, and from personal experience, its not the best idea to talk to a man (if u're a girl)... My counselor now is very nice and a woman- and she's actually at my uni....

Im sure ur uni offers counselling services, most uni's do. U need to check that option out. But make sure u feel comfortable talkin to that person...coz u have to find the right counselot otherwise u are wasting time.

Well, i really hope u can work things out...and finally get the courage to tell your fam. It's just so sad how things like this in our early lives **** up the rest of our lives, technically.

Anyway, good luck and God bless

Dear Friend, However cruel or disgusting the past is, the fact about past is that it is not in our hands. It is already gone. We cannot change the past. But we are empowered to change our future. What you need to know is that you are having enormous potential to have a wonderful life by just wishing it. Instead of spending time and effort on thinking about something that you cannot change(the past) what you can do is to commit to your present life and make your future a success.

Better still will be to go out and help others. Helping others without expecting anything in return will keep you happy. The law of nature is more of what you cherish will be given to you. So cherish all good things in life.

Join a community that you will be happy in and contribute to it. Try meditating and do it persistently. Your peace of mind is waiting right there for you.

cheers

I'm 16 and i've gone through the same thing just not with my brother.

I am bisexual too for the same reason and my family thinks it's disgusting.

Every time i'm alone with a guy i have a panic attack if they get too close to me and i start crying randomly, it's very hard. It happened to me from age 7-13 and they same man did it to me, he molested me and raped me. A few of my very close friends know and my boyfriend knows, i trust my boyfriend with my life we've loved each other for 4 years but only been together for 1.

I can't tell my family because i'm just plain scared of what they'll say.

I can barely hae sex with my boyfriend because i'm frightened that if i ask him to stop that he won't just like the man did

Again, remember that not all guys are like that. after an experience like that its hard to build trust again, but the best thing for you to do is talk to someone about it. you can try counseling with a female counselor if its more comfortable for you. thats the best way to keep what happened in the past, in the past. you should tell your boyfriend what you are going through and your situation. he might act different if he knows that you are really bothered by being alone with guys.

hope that helped

Matt

Well first if all it doesn't seem like you trust your boyfriend, you need to be able to talk to each other about your thoughts and feelings.

I know it's going to be hard and that you can't talk to him about your past but it's good to talk about this it's the next step to overcome this problem.

It's hard because you feel you can't be any where near boy's and you can't tell him because he is close to your brother, but if you can't tell him you have to tell someone else otherwise this will make you feel bad inside and you can't get rid of your anxiety about your past.

Eventually you'll end up never getting on with your life if you keep going on like this-i'm sorry but that's the truth. you will never be able to get anywhere with your boyfriend and have a life where you just stay away from guys.

I urge you to talk to someone a doctor, if you can't find a councillor to talk to there are helplines and websites you could go to for help.

Because of what happened to you that made you want to be with a girl, it makes you feel like you have to go back to that. Don't go back to ruining your chances to be with your boyfriend you have a way out of this and i know you can overcome this you've got to try i believe in you.The only reason you are attracted to girls is because you feel safe with them you can't do this your whole life you got to face up to this you have to be able to have a friend that is male and talk to them without hiding away from them.

It's a big ask to be with a guy and yes it is easier said than done,but with the help you will get there. Also with all that your'e going through you will need all the support you can get so getting together with a girl will add to your troubles, for your family relationship to be ruined.

I'm very sorry to hear this has happened to you, it should of never of happend. Your brother shouldn't of hurt you like that especially as it is someone close to you. I wish you all the best for now and the future and i hope you get the help you need to overcome this.

I found this website you might want to look at: http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Resources/helplines.ht...

very sad, it sounds as though you are trying to avoid men at any cost and it is this which is stressing you and making your life really bad. you do need help and counselling . despite you not wanting to tear your family apart, it may actually be better to discuss it if they are really religious? It will not itself out without them offering you the support and help you need.

you are a victim and need support. By taking all the blame and not talking to parents etc you will find it will stay with you forever and make you deeply unhappy for rest of life. with help you CAN get past this and move on. what happened with brother is actually quite common not that helps You here.

you need to seek out a female counsellor , start by going to your doctor and confiding in her? then ask for assistance, a doctor will be best placed to contact counselling service and help with your problem. also you can talk to Samaritans they are not just there for suicide cases. I wish you every luck for the future.

Your family is very close? You couldn't be farther apart from them than you are now if you were living in the South Pole. Your parents somehow missed their daughter being molested by their son for YEARS. How close could they be to their children and manage not to notice that? Your parents have a child molester for a son and they don't know it. Your brother the scumbag has a secret at your parent's dinner table, "I molested your daughter, for years!" And you're sitting there holding in your secret to keep these people 'close'?

You want to keep his secret. Why? Do you think your parents might not believe you? Do you think you might be blamed for your brother's crimes? Those things are possible. Horrible, but possible.

Your silence will help pave the way for your brother to abuse his children, and yours. Is it worth it to keep them all so close?

Is it part of your religion to live a lie, and to enable your parents and brother to live a lie?

I'm going to make sure not to sign up for your religion.

Sorry to hear yo were abused. Abuse can create what is termed "the cycle of violence" One gets abused and abuses their child who grows up to be abusive etv etv etv. YOu are taking a good look at yourself and wanting to change. THis is the first step in breaking that cycle and freeing yourself from your past. Mind, your past is always going to be there, but it doen'st have to run your life now. We are creatures of habit so you have to break the habit/cycle of loathing that's been put into you by someone who had it put into them. I suggest therapy because creating new habits takes time and support. I would seek out a profesisonal who has worked with this situation before and talk to a client or two who he or she has worked with to get their input on how they work and how affective their work has been to them. I would stay away from anybody who wants to make me a "victem" THat's creating somweone who will always be dependant on them. I would look for someone who wants me to be independant and open to life and all the richness it offers from women, men and all of life. You've made the first and most important step. Best of luck with your journey. Enjoy it!

You need to tell your bf, your paretns and the police about your brother. I would not want to give up on part of my sexuality due to abuse and let the abuser win...

Nor should you. You have a responsibility yourself to heal enough to be able to feel the same attraction to men you felt before the abuse...You can't trust your bf is he is freinds with you abuser...

So first step is telling everyone what he has done to you...