My Kindergartners school counselor approached me in the hallway & told me I need anxiety counseling?!!!?

The teacher sounds a bit controlling. Why would he interfere with the system that you have going on with your own children? That's ridiculous and I think you have a great idea schooling your child at both home and standard school. You are not holding her back from anything. It's great that you want to be involved in her schooling and also want her to be able to have fun with other children and take classes at the school. He shouldn't have the right to make your daughter feel obligated to stay the whole day. It kind of sounds like they are getting an attitude for a different reason. I'm in California and have done both homeschool and standard school. The teachers here get paid per student and by how many hours the student is at the school. If your school system is set up the same way then that might be why they want her there all day. He should have to set up an appointment WITH YOU. That is not something that the child should be asked without your permission, as it is not even up to them alone. It's your decision on whether or not to even bring it up to your daughter. She doesn't have to choose whether or not to go to school all day by herself. She needs you to help her decide that right now. She is far too young to make that decision on her own. I don't think he even believes you are holding her back. I think there is money in it for him if she stays longer. I think he wants you to start thinking "hey maybe I am holding her back and we should send her all day." If you think you are having anxiety over something, it is for you to choose to talk to someone, no one at your daughter's school can decide that for you. I don't think you are overreacting a bit. If it made your daughter uncomfortable then it can be considered harrassment if it happens again.

EDIT: Beetlemilk has a great idea. I would definately request that it is either evaluated or put it in writing that it is a violation on his part. That way, if it is just the school being jackasses trying to get more money, you will know because they will not pay to have the testing done, and if that's the way it goes, it will have to written up as a violation.

EDIT (again): Also, by standing up for yourself and your child it will help her to know that she has someone on her side and also let her know that she can stand up for herself when she doesn't like the way she is being treated. It was NOT ok for the counselor or whatever it is he calls himself to ask her if she was staying the whole day and with the way you say she responded, I think she was kind of surprised and felt like he is in charge and she is to do what she's told. She told him she would stay, but didn't want to and it sounds like she was afraid that you thought she was staying as well. Until there is a decision made between you, her and the school, it should stay the same and he shouldn't make your daughter feel like it needs to change, when she doesn't have much control over it anyway. She never made plans to stick out the rest of the day, so why should he even ask her about it? If anything would make her anxious, that would probably be it. I would make sure he doesn't ever ask her anything like that again. If something like that is going on often, or even once before now, then she very well could have a little bit of anxiety while at school. It would make sense that you wouldn't notice it at home because at home she knows the routine and no one is asking her to change it, but at school if he is asking about it, it might make her feel like it could change at any second, or even make her think that you have changed the plan. That would certainly bother me if I were just a kindergartner. After all, if the plan were to change and she didn't know about it, how can she be sure anyone does?

This counselor is definitely overstepping his boundaries and you ought to notify the principal of his accusations and actions. He really has no right to question your child unless she was doing something harmful or he suspected some harm was coming to her. Homeschooling isn't the devil and isn't going to hold her back, if anything it will give her a boost for when and if she decides she wants to go full time. If I were you I would raise the issue with the little girl. Just tell her that the counselor told you he had spoken to her about staying at school the full day and you understand that she was upset by that. See if she has opinion about how her schooling days go. She may have thought he was going to make her stay and may have gotten upset or it may have been something that she's been thinking about and she didn't know how to respond. Personally, I think homeschooling is wonderful, however I believe kids should be either homeschooled OR in a public or private school. Of course have some fun learning activities outside of school, on weekends or breaks. My concern is that your homeschooling regime isn't following her school routine and she will be either behind or too far ahead when she starts going full time. For instance, you teach her about space when her classmates are learning about earth science or magnets. Or, she's learning about South America when the other students are learning about Africa. It would kind of leave her out of some conversations at school. Many teachers carry over subjects into another for enrichment purposes. As in, they may be ask to write a sentence or draw a picture about foods the Native Americans ate from the land.

If this happened to me I would try really hard to put "my" feelings aside and figure out what is being observed about my child. I would set up an actual meeting with the counselor and the teacher. You need to have an open mind and listen to what they are telling you. They are seeing something that you are not aware of. Get information and don't be defensive. Be calm. You may want to bring someone impartial to the meeting so that they can help you remember what is said, perhaps help you see the other side of things. Just because the counselor says something it doesn't mean that it is true about you. I would want to know from him to describe the behavior of your child that he thinks shows anxiety when you are around, versus when you are not around. I hope he spoke to you privately in the hallway. If he didn't, you need to speak up with him and tell him that he should have. So, he knows for the future. You may be able to teach him something too. Forget about your feelings and find out about your child. If it is true that your child has more anxiety with you there, then I would give my child space. You obviously care about and love your children very much. I get that. It's very tough being a parent sometimes.

PS. when you call for a meeting the principal will be there and then his boss will know the ridiculous stuff he said to you. He may never do that again to another parent. So you are helping everyone. I was wondering if you are going to a paid school where they get more money if your child is there all day versus 1/2 day??? He should not be asking your child if they want to stay longer. What is he doing in the classroom anyway? And what exactly are his qualifications? I've never heard of a counselor in a kindergarten room.

PSS Doesn't anyone think that there is excessive school work and scheduling for a kindergarten kid? math,social studies,science, etc... My kids played, had fun, painted, ran around, learned numbers and letters, listened to story time. It was all fun and learning. 1/2 day only. They came home and road bikes, took a nap, played in the dirt. And thankfully, they are all college graduates now. So it proves fun time is good.

more from me: The more you say about this counselor the more misguided I think he is. He has a problem. I still think you need a meeting with the prinicipal and this guy and just tell them what you are doing and that you don't want him approaching your child with suggestions that are not hers to make. (too young, you're the mom). But be very calm, persistent. You wouldn't believe the problems I've had with the public school system and various bad apple teachers/staff. Thankfully there are so many good teachers out there...way more than bad. I'm sorry to say that this is just the beginning for you. Kindergarten. You have 12 more years. I think a good parent will stand up for their child when they need to, and let the child stand up for themselves when they are able. My kids call me "momma bear". I really don't care at all what some misguided public officials with their own agenda think about me. I listen to their educated opinion about my children, but I make the decisions. I wish that for you too. You do your best and make some adjustments along the way. Your child will absolutely know that YOU are there for them, but don't smother them, let them fly.

Don't you just love those public school "professionals" who see your child 15 minutes a week and think they know them?

Public schools like to make a lot of noise for parents who homeschool. I would think about pulling her from this school.Try to find a homeschool group in your area and take your husband to a few of the meetings. The group in my area meets once a month for field trips, has parent meetings to discuss curriculum, holds state wide homeschool conventions, has their own p.e. class at the ymca, mothers trade teaching subjects in their homes classroom style with 10-15 kids at a time, and so much more. Homeschooling has a lot to offer. There is a stigma that homeschooled children are sheltered, bible thumping, outcasts. Your school counselor may have this same twisted idea. There have been many "professionals" turn in parents for child neglect just for homeschooling. I'd be careful around this guy.

He's two sites that have info on homeschool groups and how to handle complaints from the school and other legal trouble:

www.home-school.com

www.hslda.org

Wow I'd be pissed! I home school all 3 of my kids and have for almost 6 years now. If some teacher tried that with my kids they'd hear it from me up one side and down the other....

You need to address this because you do not want it to happen again. You are her parent and how you educate her is up to you not this ape of a counselor. He has no right to ask your daughter anything. I think I'd be pulling my child out of that school so fast their heads would spin. I love homeschooling my kids.

He's a kindergartener. He's not going to be doing the reading anyway, unless it's from a simplified book of bible stories for kids. What was apparently wanted here was to have an adult (who? the child's mother? a teacher?) read material from the bible, and that isn't appropriate at that grade level. When I was in high school, we read passages from the bible as literature, but that's an entirely different thing.

Inappropriate no matter. He never should have asked your daughter if she wanted to stay all day. That's what made her anxious. She said ok to him, thinking that if she didn't, "she might get in trouble." This led to more anxiety about whether or not Mom would be there. Probably thought you wouldn't come because he told you she wanted to stay. As far as approaching you, he should request that you come in for an appt. w/him. He could have told you he has some concerns and would like to discuss them w/you.

It was inappropriate for the counselor to approach you in such an open setting and say something like that. If he wanted to talk about anxiety issues, he should have scheduled a meeting with you to discuss exactly what he thinks is happening with your children - and then the two of you could discuss what steps to take if an issue is identified.

I just think what he did was completely inappropriate and I would feel angry, too! I also get the impression that this man doesn't even know you and had no real reason to suggest counseling!

I have read some litterature about panic attacks. But they allways seem to have a more scientific approach and that is nothing I need in my struggle to survive those horrible panic attacks. This is a "hand on" and very practical book. I felt it was written to me. I am sure that you are going to feel the same.

Joe Barry writes exactly how I think. The examples are perfectly described. And the method is genius. I recommend this book and thanks Joe Barry for writing it. It changes your life

go with your heart+gut feeling,if it feels right for you to continue what your doing-keep doing it.dont let anyone else tell you otherwise,i mean hear them out,if they want to say something and they should only speak to you NOT your kids.

then its up to you to process the info,

the way i see it,the schools do not understand everything about each+every child or their familys unless you involve them,but its too easy for some teachers(or other parents)to make an opinion or judge you,they should mind their own business.

recently i asked the school for help in a situation involving , kids+ their father.The school councillor seemed ok when she rang me the 1st time,but the following 2 calls were very shallow+she thought i may of had trust+anxiety issues and i should let the kids go with him..anyway the short of it is,the father was on prescription drugs for pain-he was wacked up+off his face all the time,he wasnt fit to take the kids for access,let alone have him visit,

he was hardly ever around.He tried to kidnap them a few months back,we went thru lengthy+costly family law.i had every right to act the way i was.

anyway he bluffed everyone,except the coroner...

he had the boys for boxing day(the 1st+last time)(grandparents picked them up)

he was killed in a head-on collision a few days later,he was at fault,the investiagtion+reports have confirmed he was full of drugs.

i found that when no-one listened to me+didnt believe i had a right to protect my kids,i became anxious+at times depressed.

because some people asked my boys

do you want to see your dad" they would say yes or you have to talk to my mum,they thought that i had coherst them into feeling anxious,that i was rubbing off onto them.we have been to councilloring now for a few months,and i am totally at peace with myself for raising my kids the way i am.

He was killed the night before he was meant to have them the nxt day.(without the grandparents).

If your daughter is okay,just keep doing what your doing.