Fiancee and I had a big fight, my fault.... help, please?

Question

My fiancee and I have alway had big fights, and I've always pushed it too far. I've been getting better recently, but today, it's like nothing pleased me. I was in a good mood all day and I was happy to see him. Then, I made dinner and we talked about the day, which was going really well.  A package came today, and it was a replacement drumset for rockband, so we played that for a while. Then, we watched the end of a movie, but I wanted to watch a full movie. I just wanted to spend time with him today. 

He started playing WoW again, and I scrubbed a laptop so that he could be upstairs and play instead of being downstairs on his desktop all night when plays (no heat down there). 

So, he wanted to play WoW and watch a movie. I know I was picking a fight about something stupid, but I just really wanted to have his full attention. It really bothered me. I hate it when he does that. So, he started to get frustrated, and I started to get angry, so I decided to take a shower and hopefully he would be settled down enough to talk afterwards.

Sure enough, I sat down and didn't say anything for a long time. I didn't know what to say. I have a hard time saying sorry (idk... I'm working on it), and so he said he was ready to talk and that he wanted to know what was wrong. I told him that I just wanted to watch a movie with him without him playing WoW. He got upset... like always when I blame something on WoW. 

Then, I told him that I couldn't watch the TV and his laptop screen because it was giving me a headache -- which was true. But thne he got even more upset and told me to 'shut the f up' and called me names, and told me to leave, blah blah blah, the usual. 

Then, he gave me the ring I got him last year and said that he didn't want it. Which struck me deep. He said he was leaving for the night and packed a suitcase, without me stopping him -- I kind of didn't want him here at the moment. And he left. A few minutes later, he came back. Then went downstairs and said he didn't want to be here.

This was about 10 minutes ago. 

I don't know why he would come back if he didn' want to be here. I even tried to give him money so that he would have some cash if he needed it. 

We've been trying a book called The Love Dare, and we've been doing really well. Until today. And it was like everything we just did went out the window. Nothing mattered. 

I know that it was my fault, but he's got me to believe that they are all my fault. So I say sorry for them. And he said that everytime I say sorry, it loses a little bit of meaning. So, I'm careful where I say sorry now. This wasn't all my fault. If he was willing to listen, then it would have never escaladed so high!

Valentine's is on Saturday, and we have some plans -- I don't even know if we should keep them. I don't want to see him and I hope he decides to sleep on the couch tonight. I'm not happy with him at all right now.


I'm questioning marriage now too. I have always been head over heels in love with him and the sun shines out his a33 to me and everything. But today... idk... I just don't know. I still want to marry him, but I'm so upset. It's not for another year and a half. I'm just really upset, I'm making mysel

Ravenberri · Accepted Answer

That's a rant and a half!! 

I think because WoW is obviously an addiction to your guy, that you need to get him away from it other ways. 

Get him to go to movies with you or on walks or whatever, if he doesn't respond, tell him how you FEEL. Don't blame WoW, don't even MENTION it. Just say "I feel neglected, I feel ignored, I feel put down, like I'm second best, I feel lonely", etc., and tell him that you TWO need to build on THE relationship, it isn't up to ONE person to keep the peace, and his addiciton to WoW has perhaps made him want to manipulate you to make you think that all the fighting is YOUR fault... it's NOT, it's BOTH of you that is at fault.

So... BOTH of you have to work to fix it.

If anything, perhaps you should find a mediator, a councellor or a good mutual friend to talk to together to help figure things out. Literally go ask someone to talk with BOTH of you about your problems, and act as an outsider looking in and to keep the fighting to a minimum when they can. Just do this a couple times until you both can learn to control your anger towards each other, and then work on your relationship again.



Marriage and relationships in general take WORK to keep together, if you cant' do that before you get married, then why bother at all? WORK ON IT!! You can do it.

? · Answer

I can tell you this that if youre getting this upset over something trivial as this, what are you going to do when the huge marital challenges arise? You better rethink your relationship with this guy as you two may not be as suitable as you wish you were. True he should have been more considerate of your feelings but to get this upset over this is unbelievable. You two should be able to compromise more right now. Wait til your wedding date gets closer and the wedding pressures mount, you two will kill each other. So learn to not swea the small stuff and pick your battles better or else the marital challenges will eat you alive. Congrats and good luck

PEGGY S · Answer

Have you ever thought that possibly there is some timing involved in the arguments, such as maybe you are PMSing or something else that might be triggering the problem.  is he really neglecting you with the game, or are you just too needy.  This problem needs to be resolved before you take the plunge.  remember the rest of your life is a VERY long time!!!

You need to communicate your needs to him and he the same when neither of you are angry.  Possibly you can work out a compromise.

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship!!!

John T · Answer

My answer, is that you need to stop letting yourself take the blame for stuff. He needs to play wow for at most an hour a day. He needs to spend any time that is not work and that hour of wow with you. If you take blame for it all of the time then you will always think EVERYTHING is your fault, and seriously that isn't healthy. So tell him that he needs to spend more time with you but without the game.

Donille · Answer

Ok I see that you guys have a lack of communication...And in an engagement that is very important because when you do get married it is Very Very important. I mean not every argument  is going to be your fault but if he sees that there is a way he can get the heat off of him and make you feel like its your fault, he will do that. And the part where he called you names and stuff, that doesnt sound like the guy of your dreams...I know the guy of your dreams wouldnt call you out of your name. I mean its something to think about but COMMUNICATION is really important and that I see you guys dont have. So maybe a talk with him will help but if it dont think about that this is B4 you guys are married....is this wat u wanna deal with when you finally are...

ruby · Answer

you are not wrong for wanting his attention. maybe what you could try doing is think of something that's really important to you that takes up a lot of your time, nails, hair, do you have any hobbies you spend a lot of time on that he's asked you to back away from a little? idk i'm drawing a blank on thinking of some better examples but you could say to him you'd be willing to give up something like that to spend time with him, why can't he do the same for you and then hopefully that will help him see the light. good luck girl.

RedRabbit · Answer

It's your fault because you asked him for his full attention? I do not see how it is your fault. He has some issues and is addicted to WoW. What do you actually have to do to get his attention? Get on your knees and beg?  Don't marry this guy. You will be ruining your life.

? · Answer

that sounds like me and my boyfriend he is so into his video games i really hate it  and we fight about it at times. well if i were you  i would  just say sorry for making that such a big deal and tell him you just want to spend time with him and he sometimes spends time playing his game and you would like him to want to spend it with you something you both enjoy. if he still is mad stay clear and let him cool down. if he is questioning your marriage then that is reallyREALLY DUMB HE WILL BE BACK THEN

lind§ay · Answer

What the heck is WoW???

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Fiancee and I had a big fight, my fault.... help, please?

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