Yahoo Answers is shutting down on May 4th, 2021 (Eastern Time) and beginning April 20th, 2021 (Eastern Time) the Yahoo Answers website will be in read-only mode. There will be no changes to other Yahoo properties or services, or your Yahoo account. You can find more information about the Yahoo Answers shutdown and how to download your data on this help page.
Trending News
I'm trying to cope after surgery. How do I not take it out on my family?
Just 4 weeks ago, I had surgery on my foot (grafting new tendons in) and the recovery time is going to be huge. I will not be able to put any weight onto my foot for a total of 16 weeks... Under normal life I am a very independent person, and I feel I take good care of my family. In some cases, I actually have spoiled them (mostly my daughter). I was full-time employed, did 95% of the cooking, my husband helped with some of the house work. They did help out with the clean up after dinner.... But now, I can't get around very easy and what efforts I do put into things, take me forever. I have to keep my foot up because of swelling issues, but I find that I end up over doing it and really make it harder on myself in the long run. My husband has been a Saint through all of this, but I get so frustrated with my daughter. She is 17, doesn't work, is always on the go, but continues to expect things to be done around her here at home. I realize I have created this little monster and when I am frustrated with her and the way my day has gone I tend to really lash out more than I need to, which in turn makes things even worse... I have other things on my plate as well, that cause for more emotions to be flying off the hook at times, but I am tired of using all of this as an excuse for me blowing up, when bottom line is, I just want some help.
Other issues: My father passed away just a week before my surgery, my husband and I were informed that we are both losing our jobs because the company is closing; I am trying to handle my dad's estate now that he has passed.... I just want to crawl into a ball and cry somewhere.... Help. I need advice so I don't keep getting upset and taking it out on my family....
2 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
That is a really tough situation, it looks like you're being attacked emotionally from all angles right now. My condolences on the passing of your father, I'm sure with all that's going on, you have not had time to feel the grief. So I recommend you crawl into a ball and cry, nothing wrong with doing that, think of it as an emotional release (instead of blowing up at family members). Allow yourself one day a week, or even 10 mins a day to be with yourself and grieve. I was in somewhat of a similar situation a few years ago and the way I coped was to stay strong/stoic and almost automated and only let myself really break down every once in a while. I kept telling myself "not now, have to deal with this first, keep it together"...etc. Is that healthy? I don't know but it worked for me.
Onto your foot situation - it is so important that you keep off that foot for the quickest possible recovery. Case closed, don't try to do all things you were accustomed to doing when you were well, you'll just hurt yourself more in the long run. Sit your daughter down, along with your husband and have a calm discussion. Tell her changes have to be made here, everyone in the family needs to pitch in to do their part and that includes her. Then set reasonable expectations of her (i.e. clean the house, help cut up vegetables or cook, or even get a part time job if need be.) Instead of ordering her to do such-and-such however, it might be more profitable if you ask her instead, how she would like to contribute to the well-being of the household (i.e. make her feel like she has some control / a say in the matter).
As for the impending job loss for both you and your husband, you have to figure things out now, do you have enough savings to weather a period of unemployment, what, if any is the severance package, will unemployment insurance be enough to cover, what expenses can/should we cut now, how easy /tough/quick will it be to find another job...etc. You & your husband have a lot of things to figure out now (if you've not done so already) and you may want to involve your daughter in the discussions. She is close to being an adult and she should share in the responsibilities.
One more thing, now especially when things are a bit rough, is a good time to strengthen the bond with your husband who you say has been a saint (hope he knows that)...sorry, I still had that oprah show on my mind....
Be well.
- 1 decade ago
You need to take time to do things you enjoy to take your mind off things. Curl up with a good book, watch a funny movie, phone a friend - really whatever you can think of so that you can feel a little unburdened for a while. You can explain to your daughter that she needs to learn how to take care of herself, and that will only make her a stronger and more independent person in the long run.
